(Have you ever known someone you wanted to have sex with but never had the nerve to approach him or her about it? This is a story of a woman who finally fulfills her dream, 25 years later only to find out that he is a bit of a sadist.)
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My twenty-fifth class reunion is tonight. Because my high school years were really uneventful I have not attended any other reunions. I married a few years after school, had two great kids, who have since grown up and moved out. After the kids left my marriage ended in divorce since they were all that held us together.
Tonight is about more than reuniting with classmates; tonight is about me confessing how I feel and have always felt about a boy I went to school with. I'm sure that the image I have of him in my mind has altered over the years, but my emotions have not dwindled in the least. The small rural area where I live offers news from surrounding areas so I know that he recently became divorced, like me.
The years have been pretty good to me. I have always worked to keep myself height and weight proportionate. My hair is still brunette with help from the secret bottle I purchase each month at the pharmacy. While I have never been one to worship the sun, age and time has left me with a few small laugh lines that can't be helped. Petite in stature I was always towered over by many of my classmates.
My sense of humor has always been keen. It is probably what many of my classmates remember about me. I didn't see the logic in getting all "fixed up" in high school like the other girls. I was the plain Jane, girl next door. Tonight I would probably shock a few of them because of my transformation.
I remember, John from school. He was athletic but he was also a geek. While most boys fell into one category or the other he straddled the fence between the two. Because of his diversity he never fit into a "clic" of friends; he was a friend with everyone. My sense of humor and lack of prissiness afforded me the same luxury because I was not a threat to the girls who were trying to be eye candy.
I remember how tall he was, compared to myself. We stood side by side while entering a school event once. I remember the smell of him. His clothing smelled crisp like it was dried on a clothesline. One time he was my partner in chemistry class. I noticed how his hand wrapped around the beaker for our experiment. His smile wasn't perfect but he did not require braces. When he smiled and laughed at one of my jokes in class I remember feeling like I would melt into a pool of molten mush right there in front of everyone.
I'm not sure why I never told him how I felt because he was very approachable. Perhaps it was shyness or the fear of rejection. I remember thinking he may feel the same way about me because of the way he was looking at me once, but pushed the thought aside. At any rate, tonight is about me coming clean. Even if he laughs at me I will know that I have said my thoughts aloud and can leave knowing that the demon has been slain.
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The restaurant where our reunion is being held is upscale so I'm wearing a black sheath dress. Black high heels and a pearl necklace accent the outfit. I chose to wear my shoulder length hair down and curled, as I usually wear it because it's more comfortable. After one last check in the rearview mirror I proceed toward the entrance after letting out a deep breath.
My entrance was uneventful. A few familiar faces came into view to which I spoke to say hello, but when I saw John standing across the room the breath left my body. How could someone age twenty-five years and never appear to change? His hair did have slight graying at the temples and he had acquired a few laugh lines as well, but ultimately he looked wonderful. I reminded myself that this torch I carried inside was skewing my view.
When our eyes met it was almost magical. I looked around me to see if he could be looking at someone else but when I turned back around he was laughing and pointing his finger directly at me. With my usual sense of humor I pointed my finger at my chest and raised my eyebrows as if to ask, 'who me?'
He walked casually toward me and smiled, "Mary, you look wonderful!"
"Aw shucks, I should have dressed up a bit, don't you think?" I chuckled in response.
"No seriously, you look radiant." He said again.
"Thank you, John." I purred in response to his genuine compliment.
A much younger woman walked up to him as we spoke, "We better sit down, they are going to serve dinner soon."
I looked at her, then back at him. Apparently he had not wasted any time since his divorce and brought a date with him to the reunion. I felt my resolve to tell him the truth fading as I was ushered to a seat across the table from him and his young date. She was quiet and reserved while many of us reminisced around her. Most likely she too young to understand some of the things we discussed from twenty-five years ago.
After the meal we got up to mingle again. I visited with many other classmates but my eyes were always drawn back to find him in the room. A trip to the ladies restroom had me wondering if I would ever make my confession. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror wondering if it would be worth it. No one warned me that I would still feel so insecure after all these years. In my mind I had imagined it would be a piece of cake to come clean.
I returned to the party and had a few drinks. Much laughter was had as we joked and talked about the little things that used to seem so enormous. John came up to me and asked if I would like another drink. I looked over his shoulder for his date then turned back to him. "You better not be trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me."
"What would be so wrong with that?" he said straight-faced.
"Well, " I began, "because you DO have a date tonight."
"Oh her?" he pointed toward the much younger woman then began to laugh. "That's my oldest daughter. She just came along for the heck of it."
"OH!" I said with a slight sigh of relief. I suddenly felt so immature, why didn't I think of that. "She's beautiful, John."
He glanced toward her and said proudly, "She is, isn't she, "then turned back to look at me. "Now what was that comment about getting you drunk and taking advantage of you?"
I did what I have always done; I tried to mask my thoughts with a joke. "I suppose I could suffer a much worse fate."
He countered with his usual candor, "And what would that be?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe getting me drunk and letting the cheerleaders take advantage of me." I laughed again.
He grinned, "That is a tempting prospect, but I think I would rather just have you."
A lump materialized in my throat preventing me from responding. He had that same old charm that threatened to blow my confidence right out the window. Even in high school he spoke this way, but it wasn't because he was trying to get into someone's pants; it was just the way he spoke, questioning and complimenting to a fault.
My lump dissolved and I looked at him. "Be careful what you wish for."
"And why is that?" he countered.
"Will you ever let me get in the last word?" I quizzed him.
"Probably not." He responded.
"You just did it again." I chided him.
"Uhuh." He laughed.
"You're horrible, John." I laughed.
"No, I think you're horrible, Mary." He continued.
Now I was in the rebuttal stance. "Why am I so horrible?"
"For all those years in high school when you teased and taunted me with your cute little body. For making me stand next to the table in chemistry class so I wouldn't embarrass myself by revealing the boner in my pants. Shall I continue?" he eyed me for a response.
I was dumbfounded. "You felt that way?"
"Yes." He said matter-of-factly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked with excitement.
He suddenly looked a bit apprehensive. "I don't know for sure, but I remember being worried that you would laugh at me."
"And now?" I asked quietly.
"Now, hummm... I'm glad I finally told you." He smiled softly.
I reached for his hand. "I think we need to talk."
He took my hand and guided us past a few others to go to the outdoor patio. We walked far enough away to speak freely when he stopped and turned to me. "What do you want to talk about, Mary?"