Allie's Initiation

I couldn't believe how fast things were starting to move forward for me. I wasn't the kind of girl who usually allows herself to be talked into these kinds of things. Of course, truthfully I didn't really know if I was the kind or not, because nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I had never allowed things to go this far with anyone before.

But there was something about Val that released a lot of my inhibitions. She hated that I called her that. She would always insist that I called her Valerie, but that only made me want to call her Val even more. I didn't even know why. Maybe it was just a reaction to her cheesy opening line:

"Is Allie short for something?"

She had caught me completely by surprise. I had settled into farthest corner from all the action, trying to pass the time, drinking my cola while the party was going on in the rest of the bar. I usually never went to any parties, but it had been important for one of my dearest friends that I attended, so I was fulfilling my duty. But as usual, I had withdrawn from the actual party and pretty much just hoped that the clock would move faster.

I was so caught off guard that it actually took me a few beats to mutter an answer.

"No, it's not. Everybody keeps asking me that, though."

"Why aren't you joining in the fun?" she asked as she sat next to me.

I decided to give this mysterious woman a closer look. And immediately I couldn't help but recognize her as one of the most gorgeous women I had ever seen. She wasn't beautiful in an artificial way, but she carried her tall figure with amazing grace. She had a body of a runner and she looked dazzling in her long black dress. She was about 15 years older than me, in her late 30's, but I had always gotten along really well with people older than me.

I chuckled silently at the contrast we must've made since I never wore makeup, never dressed up and her breasts dwarfed mine. They weren't extraordinarily large, especially for someone her height, but pretty much everybody's breasts were larger than mine. I wasn't completely flat, but I was small enough that I really didn't need to use a bra, which was actually kind of convenient. But it did add to my boyish appearance.

I took a sip of my soda.

"I don't really do parties, honestly." I said. "I just came by as a favour."

"Still, you're here. There's no need to not have some fun. Come on, dance with me!"

I smiled at her, trying not to offend her.

"I don't dance."

"What?" she asked. "I don't believe that. Everybody dances."

"Not me."

"How can you have any fun if you don't dance?"

"Oh, I have my ways. I actually quite enjoy slaughtering newborn babies. Just to give you an example."

I used this line to pretty much weed out all new acquaintances. If they took me seriously and freaked out, I knew we could never get along. Not really. Even though I wouldn't have minded either way at the time, it was my luck that she laughed at my comment and offered her hand.

"I'm Valerie, by the way." she said as and shook hands. "Please, don't call me Val."

"Ok, Val, I won't. How did you know that my name was Allie?"

"I asked from somebody who knew you. I didn't think it was fair that someone would have to be alone in the middle of all this."

"I like to be alone. But I can't say that I mind the interruption that much either," I said.

"So, apparently you don't drink and you don't dance. I don't know what I should do with you, then."

"I didn't know you had to do something with me."

"I can't just leave you here all bored without getting something nice out of the evening. So if I can't do anything about it here, would you like to go out and have dinner sometime?"

I halted for a few seconds. I didn't quite believe what I was hearing.

"What?" I asked, only barely avoiding getting my mouthful of cola down on my chest.

"You know, like go on a date."

Now I blushed a little. This was the first time that anyone had approached me in this manner and I was a little freaked out. I was especially freaked out because I actually wasn't out as a lesbian to pretty much anyone around. Fortunately the music was playing loud enough that it was very unlikely that anyone had heard us.

"What makes you think I go on dates with women?" I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment. But it was obvious that I wasn't doing it very well, because she laughed at this.

"Dear Allie, you're looking at the most accurate gaydar in town," she said. "But it's not like I had to make much of a stretch in your case."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"What do you mean? I know I'm a bit of a tomboy, but that doesn't mean that..."

"Julia Roberts is a bit of a tomboy compared to you," Val said as she laughed again. "You practically radiate sapphic energy."

I had planned to protest a little more, but I just agreed to go on the date instead. So we went out and got pizzas a couple of weeks later. We had talked for hours and it turned out that just as I had been testing her, she had been testing me with her direct approach. I still very much had my guard up, but there was no denying that we had chemistry and we both had passed each others tests.

We continued dating, first seeing each other just occasionally, but then we started to meet several times a week. She was patient with my insecurities and inexperience to ridiculous degree and I adored her for it.

As weeks went by, I was starting to be aware that the question of eventual sex was starting to hang over our heads more and more. She hadn't brought up the subject even once, but I knew that it wouldn't be long. And so it was that after eating some excellent lasagna that she had prepared and we had settled on her couch to watch some late night television before it was time for me to head back home, she asked me point blank:

"Tell me, Allie. Are you a virgin?"

I had been leaning against her shoulder, but got up. I got nervous again, for the first time in a long while with her.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm trying to pressure you into anything. It's just that usually after dating for so long, my girlfriends and I have spent quite a lot of time between in each others legs."

I blushed feverishly. It took me a while to stutter a response. I was also taken aback by her calling me her girlfriend. That was the first time anybody had called me that.

"No, I've had sex... a couple of times. Yeah, so... Umm, not a virgin, here."

She smiled at me.

"You know there's nothing to be ashamed about. I won't mind."

"No, really. Honestly, I'm not a virgin. I just..." I halted.

"What?" she asked, looking slightly worried.

"It's just that I..." I was afraid to continue, but finally managed to do so. "It's not that big of a deal to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I've had sex with a couple of girls, but it just wasn't so great for me. I mean, I like it just fine, but I just really rather just hang out."

"Are you serious?" she asked, looking genuinely surprised by this point.

"Yeah, I am."

"Well," she said, thinking for a second. "You know there's nothing wrong with that. There are people who want relationships but just don't want the sex."

"I know, I know," I said. "And I've considered that too, but that's not who I am either. I mean, I want to do it with you eventually, but it's just not a big part of how I see our relationship."

Val spent a few moments thinking about it all.

"Are you sure you just haven't had bad sex?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure, because to be perfectly honest, I did do it quite a lot when I was in college. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been that unlucky every time."

"Well, maybe you just haven't taken the right approach to it."

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated for a second before continuing.

"Remember when I said that I couldn't see you tomorrow because I was going to do something on my own?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, I've changed my mind. I want you to come along."

"Oh... Ok. Where are we going?"

Val smiled quizzically.

"I think it's better if it's a surprise," she said. "Here, I'll give you the address."

She scribbled the address and said that I should meet her outside at 8pm. And that's where I had been standing for the past 15 minutes as I was wondering how my life had taken such an unexpected turn in such a relatively short time. I had a girlfriend now, and even though it probably wasn't such a big deal for most people, it was a pretty drastic change for me. I really didn't mind being alone, I had never suffered from it. But now I had been so taken by this gorgeous woman that I was actually waiting for her to go to an unknown location to potentially broaden my sexual horizons. Which was the last thing I would've thought I'd ever do voluntarily.

I had been waiting for her for so long because I had arrived ridiculously early, as usual. Fortunately the weather was nice, so I just walked up and down the sidewalk as I waited for her to show. I started to note that very strange looking people were starting to pass me by and around a corner. They were all dressed in black, had a lot of metallic accessories and quite a number of them had weird hair. At first I didn't give it much thought, it wasn't the first time I'd seen some goth figures going about town, but I started to get a bit suspicious when they all seemed to head to the same place. The same place I was standing next to, presumably to enter with Val.

I was starting to have serious second thoughts about being there when Val finally showed up. Fortunately, she was dressed much more conservatively than some of the people around, in simple black trousers and a short sleeved shirt that was still quite generous in its cleavage. She was smiling broadly, clearly glad to see me there and in a very chipper mood overall. I guess she hadn't been completely sure about me staying there either.

"Hi!" she said as she approached me. "Have you been waiting for long?"

"Well, you know me. The usual," I said as she kissed me on the lips. I felt slightly ashamed about it, since I was not at all comfortable with public displays of affection, but that was one thing I'd never get Val to compromise on. Fortunately we were in a relatively remote part of the town and there was little danger of someone recognizing me.

I pointed at the unmarked entrance where the people were drizzling to.

"Are we going in there?" I asked, mildly hoping that she'd give me a negative answer.

"Uh huh," she said and nodded.

"Are we going to see a heavy metal show or something? Because I didn't bring my earplugs or anything.

"No, we're not going to see a heavy metal show, so don't worry about that. The only thing you'll need in there is trust and an open mind."

"That... still sounds like a metal show to me."

She smiled at me.

"Look, I don't want to pressure you into anything. If you want to leave at any point, just let me know. But there's nothing that will happen to you in there. We'll just sit back and be the audience. I just want you to see this."

"You're starting to worry me a bit."

"I do that," she said with a wry smile. "But I hope you're still coming in."

"I don't know..."

"What's the worst thing that could happen? You'll waste an hour an a half. That can't be that bad?"

"I guess not..."

"Then let's just go in."

And we did. And no, we did not see a heavy metal show, even though it did take me a while to realize what it actually was that we were witnessing. Val later explained to me that what we saw was one of the first rate BDSM performances out there. I was very uncomfortable at first, watching the performers being dominated by this admittedly gorgeous latex goddess. But once I got used to it, I actually quite enjoyed it. I found myself fascinated by her nimbleness with the ropes and shackles, her efficiency in how she restrained her models. And at the end of the show, she even suspended several of them and nearly made me have a heart attack by pulling a rope and having the model drop down several feet before the ropes took hold of the model once again. Of course it was all choreographed carefully and I couldn't help but applaud wildly with the rest of the audience.

Val didn't push me for a reaction as we walked out of the theater and I was glad that she didn't. But at the same time, I really didn't know how to approach her after what we had just seen either. Obviously this was something that was important for her and a part of her, because why else would've she made such a big deal out of bringing me here. And why else would've she planned to come even without me?

We were already driving up to her place before she finally cleared her throat and asked:

"So... What did you think?"

I felt my throat tightening as I wasn't quite ready to talk about it yet. But I realized that if I didn't just start, I never would be. So I answered:

"It was... It was interesting."

"Do you know why I wanted you to come?"

"I guess so. But I'd still rather that you told me so that we're in the same page."

"Well, you said that you hadn't really gotten much out of vanilla sex in you past, and so I thought..."

"Vanilla?" I asked, interrupting her.

"You know, regular sex without anything fancy on top of it."

"Oh. Right."

"Right. And I used to think about sex much the same way. I mean, I'd orgasm, but it just felt so empty and meaningless to me. But then I found BDSM and my whole thinking about intimate relations changed overnight."

"You mean you enjoy sex more if you have a lot of toys?"

"No, it's not that simple," she said, and her voice changed so that I could hear the intensity in her voice. "And it's not just about sex. Bondage can be about so much more than that. Sometimes you don't even need to have actual sex to get the emotional release. It's about power exchange, it's about letting go, it's about giving yourself completely to the mercy of someone else. It's a really beautiful thing if it really starts to work right between two people."

"You mean that you couldn't be in a long-term relationship with someone who's not into that?"

"No, you're still getting me wrong. I've been in both BDSM and vanilla relationships and I can live with either. I'm not trying to force you into anything or convince you to do something you're not comfortable with. I brought you here to introduce you to the idea and as a starting point so that maybe we could talk about it. And since you said you had trouble finding really meaningful sex and since this helped me to find it, I thought it might work out for you too."

"Oh, ok... I guess I see your point," I said, with hesitation. I kind of got what she was saying, but it was all just so overwhelming to take in at once. I had been conscious of bondage and the BDSM subculture, but had never given it much thought.

"I'd just like you to think about it," she said.

"Ok, I promise I will," I said, but wasn't all that sure. "This might sound a bit shallow of me, but I have to say that I liked it that all the models were girls."

Val smiled at me and took my hand.

"Didn't I tell you," she said. "You just radiate sapphic energy."

I laughed back at her and we spent the rest of the ride to her place in almost complete silence as I was still trying to process everything she had just told me. But fortunately once we got to her place, I kind of pushed that back and we had a very pleasant dinner together. We talked about regular things and she didn't try to push the conversation back to bondage. I got back to my comfort zone and we settled on the couch to watch some bad late-night television, as usual.

I leaned against her shoulder as I liked to do and curled up against her. She put her arm around me and we were set for the rest of the evening. It was Friday night, so it was clear to both of us that I'd be spending the night there as I had done the past few weeks. She was always the perfect hostess and allowed me to sleep on the couch even though she had a double bed. It wasn't that I didn't want to be close to her, I just couldn't sleep sharing the bed with someone else. And since we hadn't been intimate yet, there was no pressure to do so.

As I was watching the show, not really paying attention to what was going on, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this wonderful feeling of security that Val created around me. I realized that I had never been this comfortable with another human being in my life and that I would've trusted her with my life. A big part of it had to be her absolute gentleness in how she handled me and how she never pushed me for anything. She was older and more experienced so I knew she had to be frustrated that we hadn't had any sex yet even though we had been dating for a while now. But the fact that she had never pressured me about it and the way she had handled this whole bondage introduction made me so grateful about her tact and her patience. I knew right then that she would never take advantage of me and that I could surrender to her and never be the slightest bit unsafe. It was then that I made my decision. I knew it might have been too soon, but I was ready as I was ever going to be.

I sat up from her embrace and she gave me a quizzical look.

"Are you tired," she asked. "Do you want to go to bed already?"

"No," I said. "I want you to show me."

"Show you what?"

"The things you said about bondage and all that earlier. I want to know if it has the same effect on me as it has for you."

Now Val sat up straighter as well and she turned off the TV.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You know you don't have to do that. I don't want to pressure you into anything."

"No, I want to. I want to know what it feels like to give control of myself to somebody else and you're the only person I could ever do that with."

Val looked at me for a long while, clearly pleased but not sure as to how to proceed. Then she sighed and got up.

"Ok," she said. "Hold on for a second, I'm going to get some equipment."

As she exited the room, I realized that my heart was racing almost out of control. I was really nervous about what was happening, but I was also very aware that it was very positive nervousness. I really wanted this to happen even more than I had expected.

I debated with myself if I should have removed some of my clothes or not and was of two minds about it. I started to pull my shirt off and then changed my mind about three times over before I actually pulled it over my head, leaving me just with my sleeveless undershirt.

Val entered just as I had taken off the shirt and immediately said:

"You don't really have to take any of your clothes off for this."

"I wanted to."

"Okay, it's completely up to you."

She came to the couch and sat next to me. I noticed that she had two carefully coiled pieces of brown rope with her. My heart leaped to my throat as I saw them and I could feel myself physically blushing. If Val noticed it, she didn't say anything and I counted that as another thing that she was doing just right.

"Now, let's start you off with something really simple," she said. "Just turn your back to me and put your hands behind them."

I was about to ask something, but with some hesitation I just did it. She grabbed my wrists and gently pushed them against each other.

"Just... just don't make them too tight," I said with a trembling voice.

"My dear Allie. You'll come to know that with my rope skills, they don't have to be tight to be absolutely inescapable."

She coiled the rope against my wrists. I could sense that she could do it faster, but she did everything really slow to not freak me out. I tried to glance back to see what it was that she was actually doing, but I really couldn't see there. I was surprised how soft the ropes felt against my wrists and how they only felt more comfortable as she coiled more layers of the rope.