"What's on your mind?" she whispered, turning her head just enough so that she could look at me in the dimly lit Brooklyn bar. She said it in a slow, dreamy way and I watched the words as they left her lips and found their way to me through the music. We'd drifted close enough together that our legs were touching and the colors in the room swam a little as I thought about kissing her.
We were sitting next to each other on the bench with our backs against the wall; I studied her face, trying to figure out what color her eyes were as they sparkled at me in the dark. Up until that moment I wasn't sure that the attraction was mutual and just as I got the feeling that it was, she looked away. I felt like I'd missed an opportunity to do what I'd been thinking about all night long and as I scanned faces in the dark, I told myself I wouldn't do that again. She turned back to face me as though she'd heard what I was thinking and when she smiled a knowing little smile, I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers.
"That's what was on my mind. It's been on my mind all night long, actually." I said, and she smiled and nodded. We both leaned in and kissed again.
Alexandra had invited me out for drinks with our mutual friend Cassie and her boyfriend; the bar we were in was the second stop of the night and it was where we parted ways with them. We'd become wrapped up in our own conversation and had been a bit neglectful of them; they moved on to the next bar and we stayed. Left alone, the time we'd spent together over the previous few nights had culminated in that long-awaited first kiss.
I cupped Alex's calf in my hand before slowly moving up to the outside of her thigh; she drew in a deep breath as I squeezed just a little. My other hand toyed with the tendrils of hair that hung loosely at the back of her neck and she repaid me in kind, sending a current through me as she gently rubbed the closely cropped hair on the back of my head. We were in the right place to be shameless and we made up for the time that we'd waited for that first kiss.
When it was time to go I grabbed a car and had it take her home first. In the backseat, she curled into me and I wrapped my arms around her, watching the city race by as we crossed into neighborhoods I'd never seen before. Streetlights illuminated the car, beams breaking as we passed under bridges and signs bearing names that were unfamiliar to me. When we came to a stop in front of her building I told the driver to wait and I stepped out with her, taking her into my arms so I could kiss her goodnight. I stepped back into the car and watched her as we pulled away. 'See you soon' she'd said before turning to walk toward her apartment.
On the ride home, I thought about all the things we talked about that night; her music, my travels, our mutual friends. Back at my apartment I climbed the five flights of stairs and when I was finally in my bed, I thought about her; the way she tasted, the way she smelled, how much I really want to hear her sing.
The night before, we'd gone to the movies; I'd been unusually forward in asking her if she wanted to come with me and she accepted, suggesting we make it a double feature. We'd spent the previous few nights in each other's company but in a large group of friends and I wasn't sure if she saw the invitation as a date or as friends hanging out. When the first movie ended we slipped into another theater to see the next film, taking a seat in the front where the only empty spots remained. During the first movie, we mostly paid attention to the screen, but during the second, we caught each other sneaking glances in the dark.
When the second movie ended, we walked out into the cold night and promptly got lost; both in conversation and in regard to where we were. By the time we found our way to the tiny bar we'd been looking for, we were spilling secrets about our lives over cocktails and it didn't feel like we were just friends spending time together. When we got to the diner at the end of the night, it felt like any of the declarations about single life we were making were just for the sake of declaration of availability and all the talk about waking up alone was starting to feel a little past tense. It also felt like we would take our time getting there and for some reason, I really, really liked that.
Sitting across the table from her, I watched her let her hair down and only then did I see how much of it there is. It's wild and striking against her pale skin and it spilled down across the line of her neck and on to her pale skin, which was exposed where her sweater hung from it. Looking at her bare shoulder and her exposed collar-bone, I wanted to place my lips where they met.
Standing outside of the diner in the cold Alex gave me directions back to where we'd started so that I could find my way home from there. I give her a hug goodnight and we left in opposite directions. When I got to the corner, I turned around to watch her walk away as I pulled my hood up. There was a chill wind in the air but I felt warm from the drinks, from the conversation, from wanting.
***
I'd been seeing Alex for a few weeks before she ever saw any of my work. One day she asked to have a look at what I'd just shot and in seeing a photo of a model in bondage she said: "I want that".
"Have you ever been tied up before?" I asked and she shook her head shyly.
She came over to my apartment the following Saturday; she'd worked during the day she but had the night free. I'd stopped by the cafe she works in earlier in the day and told her to come by later in the evening and she smiled a knowing little smile. She'd gone home to change and then texted me, asking permission before heading over.
It was just before dusk when she arrived and the setting sun burned pink and orange behind the clouds as it fell from the sky. I spotted her crossing the street and I could see the nervousness on her face even in the distance; she was already blushing and I liked the look of the color in her cheeks. I opened the door just as she stepped up to it, causing her to give a little nervous laugh because she hadn't seen me standing there.
She followed me up the stairs and when we entered my apartment, I told her to take off her clothes so that I could see the outfit that she was wearing underneath. She was wearing stockings with garters and a bra and panty set that I'd never seen her wear before. I ran my fingers between the straps of the garters and the bare skin beneath them, admiring the quality of them and the softness of her skin. I liked the outfit that she'd selected and I was happy that she'd picked it for the occasion. The playlist I'd curated for that moment was one hour and thirty-two minutes and I started before running my fingers along her curves and edges.
On the dresser, I'd laid out the rope. Two long segments and six shorter ones, all neatly wrapped and arranged in size from the largest to the smallest. Next to it sat the leather restraints; two wrist cuffs, two ankle cuffs, a collar, and a ball gag. These things caught her eye and I could see the mixture of nervousness and excitement; this was something she'd been wanting, but I could tell from her expression that she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. I took note of this and contemplated my approach.
I took a length of rope from the top of the dresser and instructed her to hold her hands out in front of her, palms down while she stood at the edge of the bed. I wrapped the rope around her wrists and her breathing became a little deeper, a little quicker. I kissed her, pinning her tied wrists between my body and hers, before going to the dresser to grab another length of rope.