Dressed in my tightest jeans and wearing a sleeveless, translucent top unbuttoned halfway, I knock at the anonymous door. After looking me up and down very thoroughly, the technician, who, I couldn't help noticing, is quite a handsome man, hands me an envelope. I peek into his eyes, but he is impassive, stern.
Your attendance fee, as discussed, Jo. You'll get the rest when this stage of the experiment has been completed to my satisfaction. Just to remind you, when the experiment starts, simply follow my instructions. My job is to record your behaviour by various means. You may opt out at any point, but if you do, the completion fee for that stage will be withheld. It's all in the contract of course.
I tear open the envelope. Twenty as agreed. I hadn't actually read the contract in full: too much small print, you know how it is. I had always been interested in psychology though, so when he approached me in the street this morning and asked whether I would like to be a paid volunteer for a psychology experiment, I took the flyer and I said I'd think about it. Normally I ignore such people.
I'd forgotten all about it when I got home, but when rooting through my handbag after lunch, there it was. Money was a bit tight, and I was strangely intrigued, so after a stiff drink, I decided to find out more and dialled the number. Before long I was reading the email that contained the details, such as they were.
It was all a bit vague, but it did state that some of the tests investigated attitudes and responses to sex, whatever that means exactly. This did make me a little wary, but I'm no prude and to be honest, I was even more intrigued. How bad could it be? Getting paid a little pocket money in the pursuit of science has to be both fun and worthy, though now that I am actually here I am feeling quite nervous.
I'm feeling very nervous, to be frank, but also somewhat excited. It's all very mysterious. Again, he slowly looks me up and down and then speaks.
Right, let's begin. I've chosen one of the standard introductory tests for you today and it starts right now. In front of you are two large vodkas. I want you to drink them down right now, one after the other.
I pause. This isn't normal surely?
This may appear odd Jo, but it is an important and mandatory part of the test. You need to decide whether you wish to participate. Do as you are told. Immediately.
He didn't look like he wasn't going to budge. I almost walked out the door right then, but some urge inside held me back. Maybe it was the free drinks. Certainly curiosity and the prospect of the completion fee paid a part. I wish I hadn't had that drink earlier. I picked up one glass and downed it, then the other. All gone in ten seconds. I placed the second glass back down triumphantly, slightly light-headed. See, I can do this.
Good on you Jo. I think you'll make an excellent subject, though we'll see soon enough if that really is the case. As soon as I saw you in the street I had an inkling about you, but I didn't expect to see you this soon. He makes an entry on his notepad, then licks his lips.
Some parts of this experiment may surprise you Jo, but there is no need to be offended or alarmed; no need to take it too personally. The steps are the same for each person doing it. We need to make accurate measurements. I'll just be reading my instructions and monitoring your responses. Just routine, but experiments of this type are bound to be a bit awkward. That's the sort of thing we are probably testing. I can't tell you exactly what we are testing as that would bias the results. I'm sure you understand. I can tell that you are very intelligent.
The alcohol has dazed me somewhat, I don't usually drink spirits; so I just nod. At least he rates me.
Jo, you realise that you are dressed like a dirty slut, don't you?
Ooh, Mr Technician, I guess that we really have started. Shall I call you Mr Technician, I add with a giggle.
For this experiment, Jo, you will call me Sir. It will feel strange at first, but you'll get used to it. Now Jo, do you feel slutty? Nice bum, it looks like you've been poured into those jeans. And if I stand at this angle, I can see right down your top. I'm sure you received many admiring glances as you walked here.
I don't feel too slutty, sir, and besides, you told me to dress like this. I had no choice.
We both know that Jo, but you must answer the question. This is a serious experiment, so don't question me. You feel slutty don't you?
OK, I do a bit, sir.
Good girl. You are a little cutie. It's interesting that you don't consider your attire to be particularly slutty.
Well, I do feel a bit naughty, being forced to dress to your requirements, and with you looking at me that way.
Does that make you blush, Jo? Is your heart beating faster?
You know I am blushing now. I can feel it. Yes, my heart is racing even more now, Sir.
He makes some notes. OK, good. Verbal responses are very important, but are not sufficient. I'm now going to attach various sensors to you, so that I can measure and monitor you more accurately. They are wireless, so you don't have to worry about getting too tangled. The data will be fed into my computer. Hold out your wrists.
I nod nervously. It all seems strange, but logical enough. I suppose this is as good a way as any to test human responses.
He applies a band to each of my proffered wrists, then tightens them with their Velcro attachments. As he taps away studiously on his laptop, I examine them. Stainless steel rings were embedded in the bands. Tight but not uncomfortable. Curious.
Jo, roll this die.
I hesitate, but do as instructed. I've come this far, so may as well carry on. Well, that's what I tell myself.
I spin it with great anticipation. It rolls for ages. At last it stops: a Four.
Is this randomness supposed to excite me, sir? Old hat you know, to me. Secretly I am excited though and examine his eyes for clues.
He consults his monitor. You are cheeky Jo. Ah, you're lucky, nothing to worry about. A Four just means that you will undo the last few buttons on your blouse.
I am certain that the technician will have noticed the effect this instruction has on me. I blush anew and my pulse is off racing again. Do I want to do this? I'm unsure. The competing urges of excitement, obedience, fear and independence battle it out. Obedience and excitement win, so eventually I do as I am told. My blouse is now completely open at the front, exposing my bra and skin. I'm quite proud of my figure, so that aspect won't be a problem.
Jo, weren't you instructed to not wear a bra?
Um, yes, er Sir, but I didn't think it would matter.
In other words you were too lazy to think about it. Slutty and lazy. Do you want your fee? Are you trying to sabotage this experiment? Do you understand English? Are you wasting my time Jo? Are you going to behave like a responsible adult, one who keeps their promises? Should I demand that you leave here right now and not come back?
I pause, taken aback by his tone. I am no longer sure what I want. In the end, it may have been the usefulness of the money that made up my mind, but deep inside, I knew that wasn't the only reason that chastened, I meekly said: no, I don't want to leave, Sir.
Are you sure Jo? Will you do exactly what I demand of you?
Yes, sir.
OK then, but you are on your last warning. Jo, I am now going to refer to you as a slut. I may well use other terms too. Is that correct, you dirty slut? Are you a very dirty slut, Jo?
I inhale deeply, emotions awry. It is probably a lot easier to just go along with it. On one level it is silly - laughable, but it still feels strange and exciting. Play the game, McCann. I suppose I have made an agreement and it might make it even more interesting. Another part of me reinforces this decision: my cunt is damp.
Yes sir, I really am a very dirty slut. Very, very dirty. Probably the muckiest girl you've had.
Excellent, but I remain to be convinced. We'll see about that. A comment is typed into the laptop.
Stand very still Jo. Raise your arms above your head, now.
I do as I am told this time. No delay.
He approaches me, walks around me, tousles my hair, pinches my nose to cut off the air and stares into my eyes. I am forced to open my mouth and he slowly and firmly pushes two fingers into it, pressing against my tongue and then against the back of my throat. I cough. He withdraws his fingers slightly, still staring into my eyes. I can then feel the fingers go in deeper again and this time I manage to suppress the cough reflex. The fingers are slowly withdrawn and then wiped on my face. I shiver.
Lower you arms and place them at your side.
I gratefully do so; they were becoming tired.