Liverpool

I sat on the train, stunned. I simple couldn't believe that I was going to live with Him. It couldn't happen, I couldn't be this happy, but I was. I was looking down at the ticket in my hand. It felt so insubstantial, yet it was proof that I wasn't dreaming. I sat there with a stupid grin on my face the whole way home. Even changing trains was no problem, I felt completely insulated from the world, nothing could touch me, nothing could go wrong. Eventually I pulled up at my station. I'd left my car at home, getting a taxi to drop me off. Mother wouldn't give me a lift anywhere since I'd gotten my licence and it was too expensive to park it over night. I got a cab back to the house. That was one of the nice things about living in a small city; even the suburbs were easy and cheap to get to from the town centre.

I was back home by lunchtime. Mother was still out at work, she was an event organiser for one of the local hotel and they had a big do on this weekend. Her yappy little Pekinese was shut in his cage. He pissed all over the furniture if he was left free and even though Mother had been told that getting him neutured would fix it she wouldn't do it. She couldn't do that to her little boy. I swear she loved that dog more than Dad or me. So he stayed in his cage all day, it was a nice cage, with curtains and a soft bed and porcelain water and biscuit bowls, but it was a cage non the less. I let him out into the garden and put the kettle on while I waited for him to yap at the door. I liked dogs, but Ming was not a proper dog, more a moving hearth rug that pissed and smelled, yuck. I let him back in and popped him back in the cage, then I went upstairs to sort out my clothes.

Sir had been right, I had a lot of clothes. As well as two large suitcases of shoes, there was a packed full double sized wardrobe. And then there was my books. Growing up with my mother looking over my shoulder the whole time, telling me to behave more like a lady, I escaped into books more and more. There were some in there that were like old friends, stories I had gone back to again and again, finding something new each time. They all had to come. I just hoped Sir would have the space for me. I was packing up my life, parts of me, and trying to fit it all into the cases I had was hard. I eventually came to the conclusion that I would have to leave part of it behind. But what? I didn't know what Sir had planned for me. Would He take me to the parties and functions He had to attend as part of His work, or would I be left at home? Would He expect me to get a job? Oh speaking of which I still had to quit my job up here. I sat on my bed, looking around at the chaos that I had created and I didn't know where to start. I was starting to panic, the decisions I had to make were too big, they were overwhelming me.

I stared around my room, trying to decide what to take with me. I didn't want to call Him, I knew He would be busy, but if I sent Him an email then He could answer it when He had the time. I grabbed my laptop from under the bed where I hid it from my Mother's prying eyes. I'd used to stay in contact with my Dad when he'd left and I used to talk to Sir on the long evenings when I was stuck at home. Mother didn't approve of young ladies going out to the pub at night, and in her house, she made the rules.

'Dear Sir,

i am in the middle of packing my clothes etc but i am unsure of what my role at your house will be. If you could clarify what my situation would be i would be most grateful,

Your pet xxx'

I sent it off to Him. He found it funny that I used formal speech when I sent emails to Him. When we would chat online at night, I was the opposite, using short cuts where ever I could. I had explained to Him that when I was online, I thought faster than my hands could type, that's why I used the short cuts but He still found it cute. He told me once that it was my little quirks that had appealed to Him so much. I started packing my books while I waited for Him to reply. There was no way I was leaving them behind. I pulled my old school trunk down from the attic.

I'd been sent to a boarding school when I was eleven mainly so I wouldn't see how unhappy my parents were. With me out of the picture they could maintain their cold war without having to pretend for my sake. Mother's parents were complete snobs; they thought that sending me away to a posh school would make me the sort of friends that they approved of, ones with three cars and a stable full of horses. The last thing they wanted was for me to turn out like my Dad, down to earth, practical and in their eyes boring. His biggest passion in life, other than me, was making model boats, tiny little replicas that would take him weeks of painstaking work. I knew from an early age that they didn't like him and I wondered how my parents had ever gotten together.

I threw out all my old school work, goodness only knows why I'd kept it but in the bin it went. I carefully replaced it with my books, folding my underwear in between them. I checked my email once they were all in and found my reply sitting there waiting for me.

'My pet,

While you are living with me, you will be responsible for looking after my house. I earn more than enough to keep us both so you wont need to work. Clothing wise, jeans are perfectly acceptable for day to day living, though I will expect you to dress for dinner. (shirt or blouse, skirt and heels) I will have cleared room for you in the wardrobe by the time you arrive and I have three large bookcases in the garage that you can use for all your books.

Sir.

P.S. You've got me writing posh now, wench.'

I giggled at the P.S. It was so like Him, He had such a dry sense of humour that could make me laugh even when I was feeling horrible. His comment about working sparked my attention though, I had forgotten to tell my boss I was leaving. I sent him an email. He wouldn't read it til tomorrow anyway and by that time I would be safely away from him.

'Dear Mr Andrews,

I hereby give notice with immediate effect.

Yours sincerely,

Megan Foster'

I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through all my clothes, leaving the stuffy below the knee skirts and dresses my Mother insisted on me wearing to work, only taking the short mini's I'd bought when I'd moved out. Likewise the thick woollen jumpers and heavy cotton blouses she had made for me when I was at school. In fact anything that was remotely unsexy was left hanging in my wardrobe so that in the end I only had my trunk and my shoe suitcases to take with me. It amazed me at how my life could be converted in to so little. This was all I had to show for twenty-one years on the planet, three suitcases.

I dragged my trunk down the stairs. It weighed a ton with everything that was in it and it made a satisfying thump on each step as it slammed down. I could picture Mother's face at the noise, horrified and shocked at the mess I was making of her home. As it reached the bottom of the stairs, I began to think of how I was going to be able to cope with it on a train. The answer in my head was that I wasn't. I ran back up the stairs and wrote to Sir.

'Dear Sir,

Thank you for the ticket you bought me this morning. Unfortunately i am unable to use it. My trunk weighs a ton and there's no way i can lift it on to a train. If it's all right with you i will drive down tomorrow morning.

Your pet. Xxx'

I opened the front door and heaved my luggage out on to the drive where my little car sat. It was a black three-door Ford Fiesta that my Dad had bought for me as a present for passing my test. Needless to say my Grandparents had thought it very common but I loved it. He had sold two of his models to pay for it and the pride on his face when I had taken him out in it for the first time was incredible. I opened the driver's door and pulled the back seats flat so I could get everything in. Heaving my truck in was no mean feat but after a lot of swearing and pushing I got there in the end. I ran back up the stairs to look round my empty room. All I had left to pick up in the morning was my old teddy who still went everywhere with me, my toiletries, make up and my laptop, still sitting on the bed, open, waiting for Sir's reply. Other than that I was ready to go. I heard my Mother's car in the drive, she was home from work already. I couldn't believe how fast the afternoon had sped by. I heard her voice in the hall, sweet and sugary, cooing over her dog. Then her tone sharpened as she noticed I was home.

'Megan, where are you and why is your trunk in the car?'

'Hallo Mother. Did you have a good day at work?'

'Oh you're upstairs. You still haven't answered my question, why is your car all packed up?'

There wasn't anyway she was going to let me away without an answer right there and then, so I took a deep breath and said,

'I'm moving out again. Clive's asked me to move in with him.'

'Clive? Who is this Clive chap? And why haven't I heard anything about him?'

'You have heard about him, I told you I was going to meet him yesterday. He's the chap I've been speaking to most nights. He asked me to move in with him this morning and I said yes. I'll be leaving in the morning.'

'Oh so you think you can just leave me like your stupid father did? After everything I've done for you, you can't even be bothered to stick around. Where does he live anyway?'

'Liverpool.' I muttered with my head down.

'Liverpool? Right next to your father then. You're running off with some guy who will probably dump you as soon as you sleep with him and why? Just so you can be close to that man?'

'That man happens to be my father, and he loves me a hell of a lot more then you do.' I lifted my eyes to her face and snapped back at her.

I was slightly shocked at myself, I'd never had a go at her before but I was sick and tired of her bad mouthing him all the time. The look on her face, as she stood there, getting redder and redder at her quiet little daughter shouting at her was priceless though and I just thought, 'Fuck it, I'm leaving anyway.' And I let rip at her.

'And as for Clive dumping me as soon as he sleeps with me, it's a bit late for that. He's had me in every position your prudish mind can conceive and more. He is the nicest man I have ever met, he doesn't think I'm a fuck up, he doesn't think I'm a disappointment. He actually thinks I'm worth something and he has done more for me in the last three months I've known him that you ever had in the twenty-one years I've had the misfortune to spend as your daughter.'

Slap! Her hand caught me round the face and knocked me into the banisters. I felt an explosion of pain in my head as my cheek split open and hot blood dripped down my face. She didn't even apologise, she just stood there glaring at me.

'Look at you, snivelling on the floor, dripping blood all over my new cream carpet. I suppose you'll want me to clean it up.'

I stared at her. It wasn't the first time she'd hit me. I lost a baby tooth to her fists one time when Dad was away on business. He came home the next day and when he asked me what had happened I had to lie and say I fell off a friends trampoline, otherwise Mother would have given me another smacking. He took me to the dentist and bought me ice cream for being a brave girl. She was a little more careful after that, switching to insults and sneers that cut away at my self-confidence just as brutally as her hands used to. This time though, I was determined that it would be the last time she laid a finger on me. I pulled myself up using the banisters and walked up the stairs. I didn't look back at her as she shouted her usual insults, telling me I was useless and that she was glad she was finally rid of me.

'Don't expect you can come crawling back here once this Clive bloke has finished with you, which he will once he meets the real you. How pathetic do you have to be to jump into bed with the first man that looks twice at you? Mind I suppose you must have been getting fairly desperate to hook up with some looser like him, you know only saddos go on these chat rooms.'

I shut the bathroom door on her voice. The tears I had somehow managed to hold back were now dripping down my face, mixing with the blood from my cut cheek. I didn't know why she hated me so much, all I had ever done was try to live up to her expectations, try to be a good girl for her but nothing ever seemed to be enough, I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough for her to even kiss me good night. I knew then, as I washed the cut in cold water to help shrink the burst vessels, that I would never stay in this house or any house of hers again. My face finally stopped bleeding enough for me to able to put a plaster on it. There wasn't much I could do about my clothes, everything else was packed. I didn't know where I was going to spend the night. I thought about calling my Dad, but I didn't want him to see me like this. I knew it would hurt him too much to know what the woman he once loved could do to his little girl and I didn't want Sir to see me like this either. I was embarrassed about how I looked, like some TV advert for a domestic violence charity. I didn't want to go running off to Him with my face still swollen, it was shameful enough without having Him looking at me with pitying eyes. I found it strange that He could spank me and I would enjoy it, but when Mother raised her hand to me I would cringe away. I guess the difference was that I trusted Sir. I knew that there was no malice behind any of His actions, He did the things He did to give me pleasure, not to cause me anguish.

I couldn't look at myself in the mirror any longer, so I walked calmly out of the bathroom and into my bedroom for the last time. My laptop was still sitting on my bed and there was mail from Sir waiting for me but I didn't stop to look at it. I could do that once I was out of the house. I grabbed the last of my stuff, shoving it into my big black shoulder bag and crept out of the safety of my room. I could hear Mother down stairs in the sitting room, watching one of her awful real life stories on the telly and cooing over Ming. I quietly stepped over the bloodstain on the carpet and slipped out of the house. I didn't stop to say good-bye, I knew she wouldn't waste the opportunity to have one last crack at me and I really couldn't take any more from her. I jumped into my little car and drove away from there as quickly as I could. In the end though I didn't go far, just down the road to the local supermarket. It had an wi-fi area in the café were I could check my mail. I sat in a corner where I could hide my face and opened up my laptop.

'My pet,

You seemed so amazed by my offer that I thought a ticket would give you the proof you needed on your way home. Of course you can drive down tomorrow morning. I have to be in a meeting until 1pm but if you come round by the office I can show you how to get to your new home. I've included directions at the bottom of this email to get you there.

See you tomorrow my pet,

Sir xxx.'

The directions He had put at the bottom of His email were easy to follow and He had even included a map. I was so overwhelmed by His offer and how He was making so much effort to make me feel welcome in His life. I was so happy at the thought of being with Him for as long as He would have me. I didn't know how long it would be. Mother's words about Him dumping me as soon as He found out about the real me came back to haunt me. I knew who she thought the real me was, a useless lump that had ruined her life, but I kept clinging on to the hope that I wasn't like that. I was going to make the most of what ever time I had with Him, however long or short that might be, I was going to be the best girl I could be for Him and hope that it was enough to please Him.

I decided to drive out of the city and find somewhere to park up over night. Sir wasn't expecting me til the morning, I didn't know where to find Him now anyway. He wouldn't be at the office and I didn't know where He lived. I couldn't go home, never again would I go near that woman. I couldn't go stay with a friend. I didn't have many up here. With being sent away to school, most of the girls I knew from then lived all over the country and I didn't know anyone else well enough round here to impose myself on them at such short notice and I didn't have the strength to drive down to Dad's tonight, even if I hadn't looked so bad. So somewhere quiet in the middle of nowhere would have to do. Living so near the countryside made this easy and I was able to find a sheltered spot tucked in beside a quarry on top of the hills.

It was nearly summer and the nights were getting shorter. As the sun slipped behind the hills it got colder though and I pulled my quilt out of the trunk. I put the passenger seat back as far as it would go and settled down for the night, curled up against the world like a little mouse. I'd bought food and pain killers at the supermarket, my face was really swelling up now and starting to hurt quite a lot but it didn't feel broken under my gently probing fingers. Nothing moved at any rate so I figured it would be all right. So much had happened today, I didn't have the concentration to think beyond getting down to Sir. I hated the fact that I had to go running off to Him like this, slinking away from my old life. I had wanted to be brave and strong and march down the road with my head held high. Instead I was cowering at the side of the road, trying to keep back the tears. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept much with the excitement of seeing Sir, then last night we had been busy and this day had just been so long and horrible. I pulled my quilt over my head and howled. I cried and cried until there were no more tears left. In the end though the empty feeling left me and I finally slipped into a deep sleep.

I woke up just as dawn was breaking. The early morning light streamed in through the fogged up windscreen of my car making me blink and wince. The left hand side of my face was swollen so badly my eye was nearly closed and it had turned black and blue over night. I sat up, looking around the car park cautiously but I was still the only person there. The quarry was an old sandstone one that was now popular with climbers but it seemed that they weren't interested in being out this early today. I was thankful that no one could see me. I just wanted to hide away til my face had healed up a bit but I knew Sir was expecting me today so I dug my comb out of my bag, dragged it through my shoulder length curls to try and tame them a bit and got on the road. I had gotten paid at the end of last week so I had filled my tank up. I didn't know how much I would need to get down to Liverpool but I figured I should have enough.

The storm of last night's tears was forgotten now and I was eager to get going. I wanted to see Sir so much, it was like an ache deep inside me, a feeling of being pulled towards Him as I drove quickly along the quiet country roads. At this time of the day I had them to myself, though as I got closer to the lakes the tourists were starting to make a nuisance of themselves. The way they drove along at thirty miles an hour, either gawping at the hills or clinging desperately to their steering wheels because the road didn't have white lines down the middle of it was the one bad thing about living so close to all this beauty. I cut across to the motorway as soon as I could. It was a Monday morning and the traffic was heavy but I was still able to make good time. I pulled into Charnock Richards just after nine am. I wanted to at least have a wash and brush my teeth. My clothes were rumpled and still blood stained, though I had the chance to change them now. I couldn't throw my shirt away, it belonged to Sir so I washed it as best I could with the hand soap in the toilets and folded it away in my bag.