The Initiation

This chastity thing.

I know it sounds interesting to some but there's something too dark in it. It's like temporary amputation.

I saw one of those captioned pictures online years ago and what that caption implied stuck with me. So, I'm giving it a try.

All characters are fictional and over 18.

*******

I'm not going to talk much about the sweet times in my relationship with Christine.

Not only because that has no meaning now, I guess nobody wants to read it.

To give a general idea, I'm doing PhD in our local University and she instructed one of my classes in my temporary leave.

We first met when I gave her some papers for that. I fell in love at first sight. I was electrified, seeing her beauty.

I was 36, she had just turned 29.

She's a tall blonde, athletic beauty and she's very ambitious about her career. Among other things.

She was the reason I crawled out of my shell to try my best to get a date with her.

All I could do was to invite her to lunch in the middle of the class hours.

In an interesting way, we got along and she became my third girlfriend.

Months of romance and love making, movies and trips. I never got over the anxiety of losing her. I always wondered if she really thought serious about me. I almost was convinced she did, because she seemed satisfied in this relationship. No ups and downs, no problems. I started to believe that this was what we both wanted.

Until we watched porn together once. She offered to watch it and she loved it. Then, she wanted to try whatever we watched. I loved it too.

None of us was elastic enough to do some moves; I lacked the tool size for some others.

But we had plenty of others to try.

At first I wasn't feeling bad that she was constantly looking at giant cocks and their effect on women in action.

I just needed to say 'she is acting you know' when the woman was screaming, rolling her eyes, cumming like she was giving her last breath.

One time, I was just watching the video, focused on the woman's bouncing tits; she put her hand on mine, looked at me with her consoling eyes and said "Don't beat yourself up about this, I like having sex with you."

I never told her I cared about such a thing. I didn't think or mention that this was a big issue for me or that I felt insufficient.

From what she was watching, she decided that I was inadequate. I don't know what made her feel like that. My rare skills? Some sort of scarcity in my resources? Like dick size, stamina, aggression in bed? I had no idea.

"I..."

But she was already done with sympathizing me, her hand was on her crotch, slowly moving as she kept watching the man turning the woman into a fuckdoll.

To me, that day was when everything changed.

Because, she kept choosing bbc or bwc videos, adding keywords like 'rough', 'used', 'owned'.

She once searched for 'walk funny after'. Those sites had poor search capabilities, so all she found was 'funny girl walked away after pissing in the street'. I had no idea what she was looking for.

When I asked, she said "That funny walk of shame, you know. In pain after brutal anal sex."

I was glad that she couldn't find it. We tried anal once and she walked just fine.

Those were my good days.

Again, out of the blue she said "I decided to find different kind of videos. These are making you sad, I can see that."

She was right to a point. They made me feel like I needed to provide more. Especially at that time when she handled herself without offering sex, masturbating in front of me, watching the rough fucking on the screen.

But, the way she said it, the decision she made, there was only one way I deciphered her words. That she wished she was in those women's places. Or, that she had some hunk instead of me.

And, instead of dwelling on that, I asked her.

"Are you bored of me? Are you going to leave me?" I didn't sound that pathetic, not like how you'd think. I wanted her to be sincere, that was it.

When she answered, instead of listening to how she said her words, I should have taken the words into consideration too.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you. I just like to try things, that's all. And, from now on, we will only watch videos we can perform."

Her words weren't that assuring. Those aren't words you'd get 'she's still in love with me' meaning from. But the way she said those, she sounded very enthusiastic. I never thought 'why?'

And, the genre of the videos slowly changed. As if things were reversed.

In our new videos, there were mostly limp-dicked naked guys in front of clothed females, almost every time. The guys never looked attractive, while the women were written powerhouse all over them. Instead of the 'oh, yes, I'm your slut' type of women and 'you are here for my pleasure' type of men.

Those women were playing with the guys' dicklets, enjoying making them cum. That was what we tried at first.

She made me strip naked, went to our room and put on a killer mini-skirt, nylons and heels. Just like in the videos.

There was only one difference. My dick. It got hard the moment I saw her like that. She giggled, sat on the couch as I stood by her. She slowly played with it and said "This little actor can't get into character, it seems. It's ruining our game" as she kept stroking it gently.

She made me cum like that and I thought this was fun.

It wasn't much different the next day. This time, she reprimanded me for not keeping my 'weenie' under control. It didn't help; I got rock hard when she talked like that. A few days later, this game started to become mundane for both of us so she finally got what she wanted. Me, standing there with a limp dick.

"Finally" she said. As if that was important. Limp or hard, the game was the same to me. I didn't understand why that mattered.

It probably mattered to her, because she became enthusiastic to watch videos once again.

In the same genre, only with slight changes all the time.

Now, we were watching a similar one but the man was on his knees, in front of a woman smoking a cigarette, legs crossed, her high heeled foot dangling in front of him. For more than five minutes she just looked at the guy, without doing anything.

"Oh that's hot, go strip!" she said when she went to change her clothes.

I didn't get what made her that eager to try it. Not until we were in the exact situation. Not five minutes, it took two minutes for me to produce a small boner.

"In the video the guy doesn't disrespect her like you do!" she said. This was a new concept for me. My erection was disrespectful in that scenario.

I got the picture then. I got the meaning of her words and the reason of her enthusiasm when she answered my 'are you going to leave me?' question. She was bored of me. Or, from our relationship. And she had something on her mind. I was getting the gist of what she had in mind.

It was heartbreaking to realize that she didn't love me anymore. Not the same way, at the least.

I don't know what I was thinking at those times. I wasn't even sure if I loved her the way I did before. But I still feared that she could leave me. Taking her existence, her legs, breasts, smell, all the sex and leave.

In our department, even some students didn't care she had a boyfriend. Every day I was witnessing someone trying to get sweet on her, since the start. If she walked out of this door, there was no chance I could ever find her single again.

In such 'good' spirits, I just played along.

I kept hearing her say "We have to work on 'that'", as she motioned her head to show my dick, which had trouble staying limp. But kneeling in front of a gorgeous beauty in such clothes of 'power' -that was another new concept spawning in my mind-, being looked down on like that, what was expected from me? And why? Wasn't this the goal? To make me devoted to her more? Wasn't that the game we were playing? A one sided admiration? How else could I show my admiration? An erection was the only trustworthy human male visual indicator for 'likey likey'.

Apparently, she had her reasons. She wanted it limp. The more she insisted on that, it raised its head as an answer. I found it funny. I should have done better though.

My heart skipped a beat when we were watching the next video that week. It was going on as expected, like the previous videos.

This time, he failed as I did. He had a tiny erection. The woman was furious. She cursed at him, stood up, slapped him and all he did was to bow his head down.

Christine paused the video to look at me, pushing her tongue on the side, beneath her lower lip. She could have said 'you are giving me no choice...' as well.

It didn't bother me. It looked hot. Demeaning, but weren't all our latest fantasies so?

She unpaused the video. The woman walked away, he remained put.

The woman returned with something in her hand.

When I felt Christine's head turn towards me, I understood that she watched this video before. She wanted me to watch it under her stare. She tilted her head when I looked at her, reminding me to keep my eyes on the video.

I forgot that she was watching me when I saw the woman hold his ear, pull him up on his feet, squat down and put on that small pink thing on his dick. It looked smaller than his dick and he flinched a few times when she hurt him. She stood up and slapped him saying "Stay still".

I watched her struggle with it until a 'click' sound was heard. Then I saw that was a small padlock on the tip.

I was perplexed, empathizing him. Remembering Christine's stare, it got worse for me.

Was that in her mind? Why?

But the video was going on. At that instance, I mean when she managed to close the device on his dick, the woman's expression changed. A subtle smile covered her lips as she stood up again. Her hand touched the necklace on her neck and Christine paused it again.

"That's enough for today" she said, standing up "Get undressed."

When she returned, I was on my knees, naked. I looked at her face; she was satisfied to find me like that, obediently. She sat down, crossed her legs and started dangling her foot. I was looking at that nylon clad leg, in a mesmerized state. I felt a movement and her slap landed on my cheek. I looked down and saw that my stupid companion failed me again. It was looking up, like a flagpole.

"Tomorrow. I will have that contraption with me. Fail again, things will change."

Her words got me even hornier, as I watched her go to her room. Why would her threats arouse me?

"Aren't we going to have sex, anymore?" I asked her, still naked.

"But that thing is not good enough" pointing to my sad dick, "We talked about this. Things you can, things you can't. Remember?"

'When did we talk about this? Her declaration about her decision? The one about video genres? Was that her way of telling me that?'

Did she find my dick that useless?

I couldn't answer her. This was too awkward. It wasn't easy to accept that she didn't want to have sex anymore. Not with me, anyway. Maybe she'd do it with one of those guys in our videos.

How was this different from her leaving me?

I spent some time trying to digest this fact. Gain some time, to see if that was a temporary thing. Or, to make sure what it meant.

But she wanted to play those games.

So, our relationship was over for me, not for her? Was that it?

If so, did I prefer such games instead of living alone? I didn't feel comfortable with that no-sex approach. As far as I knew, she wasn't having any sort of satisfaction. The game was going on and maybe this was harder for her, without any satisfaction. Because she was stroking my dick once a few days, letting me cum.

But she made her point. And, spending enough time, that game was becoming an important part of my relationship; my only lifeline where I could get intimate with her.

Of course, the progress, or regress in my case, didn't stop. Not only the game, but also the increasing power shift between us became a routine for us. Spending day at work, having lunch together, returning home as usual. The moment we entered home, she expected me to get naked.

At first, for half an hour or so, or an hour if she wanted to play with my dick.

The next day I managed to stay limp. And she didn't even mention that small cage. She didn't even try to seduce me or get me horny, she acted the same way. Sitting on the couch, enjoying her cigarette, talking about her day.

So, my worries about the cage seemed to disappear. I decided that caging my dick wasn't something she wanted either.

I still didn't get why she wanted it to stay limp? Why was this giving her any sort of pleasure, if I could read her face right?

I, on the other hand, started to like this a bit too much. Maybe the fear of being left was doing this to me; maybe I was doing my best to stay compatible to her agenda. Fantasies were good, fun or intriguing. But I was aware that my motivation in this was turning to something else. Like a dog learning new tricks, I was eagerly trying to learn to do what she wanted. Without the treat.

In a couple of days, I botched the only trick she taught me, getting an erection. In deprivation, any part of her looked delicious. I missed smelling her body, legs.

I was about to object, considering to have a timeout from the games and spend some normal time when she stood up and slapped me hard. Before walking away. Just like that woman.

And, it was hot. I couldn't even think that it was unacceptable. I was watching her walk away in a mesmerized way.

She returned with almost the same thing in the video in her hand. Cheap plastic, pink, small. Too small for me, that's what I thought.

She didn't miss a step.

She grabbed me by the ear, pulled it harshly to make me stand up. I watched her from above, as she squatted and started to try and figure out how to put it on.

She got my skin caught by the thing in the process a couple of times and I reacted. Maybe that was what she wanted. She stood up and slapped me, then she spat on my face.

That wasn't on the video.

When she got back down, she looked at me almost with a satisfied, happy expression. Almost, because it also consisted of heavy distaste.

I thought I deserved that look, because my dick was fully erect when she returned to her place.

Right after she slapped me and spat on my face. That was pathetic, so I could understand the distaste part.

But finding this also amusing? I guess it had to be something about the new me, accepting my place in that relationship. Probably that was inline with her plan. Or, she liked to see her power over me. I don't know.

She finally managed to have it fit and used the stupid padlock to lock it. She was looking at me when that 'click' was heard, she was curiously, almost in expectation to see something.

When she stood up, she was waving the two keys on small chains in my face. She put one on the coffee table; she removed the other from the chain. Taking her necklace off, she put it on the necklace and in a very seductive way, she put the necklace back on her neck again, looking in my eyes.

Seeing it there on her neck made me forget the other one. That was a sight to see. That was the moment I realized what this symbolized. What that key symbolized.

Not just my hopes to see my dick again.

I was looking at some sort of my ownership rights hanging on her delicate neck. I never felt this vulnerable and devoted to her. She made me realize how much I wanted to be hers, as in being one of her belongings.

I finally sensed what I was experiencing and where this was going.

And she probably knew I would feel like that, I could see it in her smug expression. This was also symbolizing my satisfaction rights. She was going to decide if I would ever get any.

My craving for her found a new peak level. I didn't know what to do. I needed to touch her, kiss her. But she was watching me.

I didn't wait for her to say anything; I slowly knelt down in front of her. I was thinking of hugging her waist, kissing her body, to show my devoted love for her. But, she slowly raised the hem of her skirt and with the other hand she lowered her panties and pantyhose. That was my treat, inches away from my face. Normally, I would think that was inconsiderate, to answer my sexual and romantic gesture this way. But I just thought that I was given the permission to satisfy her, finally.

I obliged in gratitude.

She stood there and enjoyed her first orgasm in weeks. As far as I knew. There was nothing spectacular. I kissed and licked her pussy that I longed for, and she had her satisfaction in a short time.

Pulling up her panties and pantyhose, she dropped her skirt and moved away. Only then, I could realize the pressure I was feeling down there, after I lost contact with her pussy. My dick was hurting in its small cage, trying to break free, probably having trouble to get hard.

Still, I didn't have much problem with it. She sat in front of me again, lit another cigarette, watched me as she smoked and played with her necklace. She was enjoying how she was turning me to her obedient, devoted slave. And, I was just looking at the key, burning in love and desire for her. The way I never did.

That cage gained me the right to eat her pussy. So, it was good for me. That was how I felt.

My thoughts were different, though. She made sure my dick was out of any equation before making me satisfy her. This only told me that she wanted to enjoy being selfish. And, probably, my agony was also increasing her pleasure.

I was surprised when she stood up and walked to the table to get the other key. I was too confused. She didn't let me watch the rest of the video. Was there a significance about that second key? Was she going to put it somewhere safe? I was worried about my cage but it looked like it could be removed if keys were lost.

She walked back to me and dropped it in front of me and said "As of today, you will bring it with you every time you come and kneel before me. And, you will stay naked till the morning unless I say otherwise", before she left the room.

Was that it?

So, I could take it off after we were done? That was great news. I unlocked myself and took the key and the cage to my room.

Naked all night? Why?

I don't want to write about non-sexy part of my night, walking around naked. I don't know if there is anything sexy or triggering about it but there wasn't for me. At least that was what I thought.

I can only say that, as we watched TV together when she was in her pajamas and I was naked, I kept descending. Finding myself in that mindset where she was the only significant person in the room as I was turning into one of her belongings.

Ok, I admit that this was a bit confusing and arousing for me.

We almost had the same routine for a week.

Only once or twice, she looked at my crotch area.

She didn't say anything or she didn't look upset to see that I removed it, but that was enough to make me understand that she expected me keep it on.

I didn't understand why but I didn't understand why I was always naked either.

And finally, she saw that I had it on even after five hours from our routine pussy eating session. This time, she looked me in the eye, smiled and leaned in to kiss me. This time, she took off her necklace, unlocked my chastity device and took me to the bed.

I can't describe the thrill I felt to be in her arms once again after that long time. Smelling her was heaven. To be in her pussy once again, words weren't enough.

I kissed her whole body before and afterwards, to show my gratitude to her.

That time I learned a few other things.

We were on a path, destination unknown to me.

She was taking me somewhere and she was patiently giving me time to adjust. I loved it. But every time I gave her what she wanted, she was coming with something new. Mostly depressing ideas at first. Which were becoming my new normal in a few days. I had no idea what she had on her mind.