A Matter of Trust

The reunion was just as passion driven and all consuming as Colby had suspected it would be, after six weeks apart and within ten minutes of stepping into her apartment, Justin had her new dress cast onto the floor in a pink heap while she was stretched out in a recliner, her long legs dangled over each arm as Justin buried his face in her cunt. He went to work in an instant, licking…kissing…sucking…he ate at her with such intense vigor he soon had her lost in a sensual haze that felt heaven like as she finally came with a resounding cry…her hands in his hair…her body damp with sweat he didn’t let the pleasure end with one climax, much to her delighted dismay.

Justin devoted nearly an hour to her, to her body, kissing and cradling her and making her come so fast and so hard and so many times she felt as if her bones were liquefied when he finally lifted her into his arms so he could carry her the short distance to the sofa, where he set with her on his lap. Her head on his shoulder. She felt warm and safe and exhausted…she felt so in love with him she was afraid the words would spring from her before she had a real chance to build up to them, with the speech she had been mentally preparing for most of the day, so she was relieved when they settled into a conversation regarding his trip to England and how the plans for a second European location were falling into place. He had his eye set on France this time…he smiled as he always did when talking about the work he loved and she listened to all he had to say with genuine interest, only to have Justin do the same for her, when she explained to him that she had soul three paintings while he was away, each one for a rather impressive price and as always, Justin assured her he was far from surprised.

Aside from Wendy, no one had supported her talent and her dreams for herself with the devotion and conviction Justin had…he had never once doubted that she would become a major success, even when she questioned herself from time to time.

His faith in her had always warmed her…knowing that he believed in her often gave her the strength she needed to believe in herself, and Colby found herself recalling the many times he had been there for her to lean on and hold to and again, she felt oddly certain that he did indeed love her as much as she loved him. He had to. There were times when his eyes burned with feelings…emotions…it was getting him to own up to those emotions that would be the challenge, though she assured herself she was up for it when she finally slipped back on the wrinkled dress that Justin complimented as they wondered into the kitchen warm up the pizza she had ordered before Justin arrived, having long ago learned it was his meal of choice after a long business excursion.

As they ate, they talked more about business…the sights he had seen…he shared stories that made her laugh and she felt comfortable with him and each smile he offered made her heart race. She felt her stomach clench. There was an almost tangible connection when their eyes locked…theirs was indeed a real relationship, even if Justin didn’t know it, and by the time they were finished eating, her determination to each out to him had reached a new peak and she sternly willed herself not to allow fear to push her from that peak as Justin came around the counter to stand beside her.

“I have something for you.” His eyes reached down into hers as they stood there and she smiled and shook her head.

“Justin, I have told you time and time again that you don’t have to bring me gifts.”

“You tell me a lot of things, love, and more often that not, you end up getting your way, but on this one topic…” He simply winked at her and grinned before reaching inside his pants pocket to withdraw a long, black velvet covered box. “I saw this and I knew I had to see it on you, Colby.” There was something rich and warm in the words and she felt tears being to build behind her eyes as she accepted the box with a slightly trembling hand that began to shake all the more as she lifted the lid to find a beautiful sapphire and diamond necklace very gently resting against a satin black bed.

“God…” She stared in awe for a moment as Justin watched her. “I…it is beautiful.” She was in shock even as Justin took the box from her and carefully removed the necklace and without being asked, she turned and lifted aside her hair, allowing him to hook the stunning piece around her neck.

Turning to face him, she touched the chain around her neck and Justin smiled and nodded slowly. “It looks beautiful on you, but I have a feeling the beauty comes from you far more than it comes from the necklace.” His eyes found hers and she smiled despite the need to cry as she moved into his arms to kiss him soundly…she kissed him with open need that she couldn’t hide and Justin instantly responded by wrapping his arms around her, hauling her hard against him as the spark flamed into a raging fire.

In a flash, she could feel moisture gathering between her things…she could fee his hot and hard cock pressing against her and she was tempted to allow their mutual passion to just take its most natural course…but the need to have a serious conversation nagged at her and she pulled back breathlessly, her hands on her chest as she gasped for air.

“Why don’t we move this to your room.” His hands cupped her face. “I don’t know if I can wait much longer…I want to sink into you and stay there all night…” She had haunted him and his dreams in the six weeks since he had last held her close…she had been on his mind all day and night and the need for her was overpowering as she looked up at him with eyes that did nothing to hide her feelings for him.

For months, her eyes had been reaching out to him more and more, allowing him to see hints of what she felt…what she wanted…her eyes were a direct mirror to her soul and on more than one occasion, he had found himself tempted to allow her a chance to see his own feelings, but the ageless fears always managed to hold him back again and again.

“Actually…” Colby licked at her lips and blew out a deep breath. “I was wondering if I could maybe talk to you a little…” Every nerve in her body was suddenly on edge, for a briefly frightening moment she almost felt ill, but she willed aside the bitter sensation as he nodded and leaned back against the counter with concerned eyes.

“Of course. You can always talk to me.”

“I know, but this…”

“Whatever it is, Colby, you can trust me to help you.” There was nothing he wouldn’t have done for her, expect the one thing she wanted, Colby reflected as she looked up at him while they stood in her kitchen. “Come on. Tell me.”

“It’s complicated and I have wanted to do this for a while.”

“Colby, what is it?” He was not accustom to seeing her flustered and she seemed very nervous suddenly as she stood there in the wrinkled dress, looking gloriously beautiful with her hair falling to her shoulders while her eyes sought his.

“I want to talk about us, Justin.”

“Us?” His voice sounded suddenly distant, but she forced herself to nod.

“Us…as in you and me. I think we need to talk.”

“I see.” The world around them seemed quite and still and Justin willed himself sternly not to allow the fear he felt to reflect in his eyes as he looked down at her, almost certain he knew what she wanted to say…what he had been expecting her to eventually say to her from the very beginning, simple truth be told. “Listen, you don’t have to offer a long explanation, so you can just come out and tell me and I assure you I can handle it, Colby.’ As far as she would know, he would handle it just fine…he would never allow her to see the pain or know that his heart was shattered and for a long moment, she felt oddly confused as she shook her head, wondering what he meant.

“Justin, just what are you talking about?” She couldn’t shake the feeling that they were on two totally different pages. “What do think I am trying to say to you?” He seemed angry to an extent and it made no sense to her as he turned from her and stalked from the kitchen, leaving her to follow after him quickly.

“I am not stupid, Colby. I know what is coming.”

“And just what is coming?”

He turned to look at her where he paused beside the sofa, his hands in his pockets and his shoulder squared, as if he had suddenly accepted a great weight that only he had the means to carry.

“I know you are about to tell me it is over.” His tone and eyes were flat. “I know the six weeks that I was away has given you time to think and…” He shook his head slowly and tears instantly came to her eyes. “I knew, given enough time and space, what we have would seem pretty hollow and empty to you and the truth is, I don’t blame you, because I think you have a right to more…”

“Justin, shut up.” The tears slipped from her eyes to land on her cheeks. “I…I really can not believe you think I am ending things with you…that I could ever tell you that I don’t want you in my life when all I want is…” Her chest grew so tight that for a moment, she simply could not speak and Justin suddenly stood very still as he watched her…watched and realized that he had been very mistaken in assuming what she wanted to say and the realization that he had jumped to the wrong conclusion was both unnerving and exhilarating.

“Colby…” It was his turn to shake his head, he was suddenly in a panic, but she wasn’t about to be put off or dismissed as her eyes blazed with heated emotions.

“No. Don’t Colby me. Don’t push me away. Don’t think I am going to hold back with my feelings for a moment more, Justin.” She brushed a hand under her eyes, trying to catch a host of tears before they had a chance to fall. “I have played this by your rules from the first, as you well know, and I have held back and fought myself and I…I have respected the walls and the boundaries that you established long before I came along, but I can not and I will not do that for a moment more.”

“What does that mean?” His eyes refused to leave hers, he was awe struck.

“It means the time has come for us to lay it all on the line.”

“All being?”

“Our feelings, Justin.” A sad smile came to her. “I was warned from the beginning just what I could and could not expect from you and…you warned me yourself, as you well know, but you have gone so far beyond the rules you set and I…Justin, you may not want to see it as such, but what we have is a relationship.”

“Colby….”

“I am in love with you.” Her voice rang strong and proud and true as she said it…said the words she had longed to say for longer than her emotionally battered soul could recall and for a moment, Justin could only stare…he could only stare and tell himself he had heard her wrong, that she had not said what he believed her had heard, but her smile and her eyes told him otherwise as his chest tightened and his stomach clenched. “I love everything there is to love about you, Justin; I love how the passion you feel for you work and I love how you did so much to make your mother’s dream real and I love how you believe in me…I love the way you kiss me and I love how you chew your bottom lip when something requires your total concentration…” As she listed all the ways he mattered to her, the tears feel freely and all Justin could do was watched her, utterly mesmerized.

“I love how you always give money to any homeless person you see on the street and I love how you try to get to know all the employees at your restaurants personally…I love that people matter to you more than success or money and…” A half sob escaped her as she stood there are bared her soul. “I love the way you hold me after we make love and I love how you never once doubted me even when I had doubts about myself, but most of all, I hopelessly love all the things, big and small, that make you the man you are…the man I want to grow old with and spend the rest of my life with.” It spilled from her, the words, the feelings, all that she had held back for so long rushed from her and Justin felt bombarded and shocked…yet when he was honest with himself, he had to admit, that on some level, he had known all along just what Colby felt for him and believing that she had been looking for a way out of the odd but powerful involvement had been his way of hoping he could continue to avoid what was about to become a very emotional confrontation.

“Colby…” He gasped around for the right words, the words other than the ones he so ached to say as she stared at him with her glorious eyes. “I…you know, no matter what you or I feel, I can’t give you a life…” He couldn’t…he couldn’t…it would have been unfair…but she did not look impressed with his words, or with his excuses as she again brushed at her tears with her head held high.

“I believe you can give me all I want. You can give me your love.”

“Colby…”

“Give me that for now. In this moment, Justin. I want you to tell me, in this moment, if I am crazy or do you…do you love me?” Part of her was certain he did, but asking him upfront and pointblank was a risk and she was undeniably afraid as she looked him where he stood beside the sofa.

“You have to know what I feel.” The words were a whisper.

“I want to hear you say it to me, Justin.” She took a single step towards him.

“Colby…” He felt his breath catch, the need to run was with him, but her eyes held him in place and he sighed. “I love you, Colby. I love you. I have no right saying it or feeling it but I love you…I have loved you from the beginning and I love you more and more with each day that passes.” It was the most honesty he had offered anyone in years and knowing that, that he had opened himself up made the confession all the more special for Colby as she smiled through her tears.

“I have wanted to believe…”

“Believe it. Know it. I love you, Colby.”

“And I love you, Justin.”

But he was shaking his head, looking serious. “The fact that we love one another does not change the face that I…I can’t give you what it is you need.”

“And what is it you think I need?”

“A normal man.”

“A normal man? I couldn’t settle for a normal man. Not after you.”

“Colby, you know what I mean.” His eyes were suddenly stern as they reached deeply into her wide and needy ones. “You have a right to a man who is whole…a man who can let you see him…” He looked away, as if suddenly ashamed and her heart shattered.

“You can be that man, Justin. You can let me see you.”

“No.” The word was snapped as he turned his eyes back to hers. “I told you that I can not allow you or anyone to see me…I can’t…” Not again…he couldn’t have another woman in his life run away after seeing him and Colby knew, without having to ask, what thoughts were on his mind in that moment and she was more determined than ever to knock down each of his walls and reach him.

“I am not her, Justin. Understand? I am not her. I am me. Colby. I am the woman in love with you…the woman who will love you until the day I draw my last breath of life and I there is nothing that will change that.”

“You don’t know what you are saying.”

“Yes, I do. I more than know. I am certain. I love you.”

“You have never seen me.”

“Only because you wouldn’t let me see you physically, but in other ways, in all the real ways that matter most, I have seen you and I love you and I am not going to run from you if you allow me to see you.”

Dragging his hands through his hair, he again turned his back to her, feeling tired and overcome with feelings and despite better judgment, he couldn’t help but feel tempted…she sounded so serious and he so wanted all she had said to be true…he wanted to believe she could love him despite the scars, but the old emotional wounds created by rejection festered still, even after so many long years.

“Do you know what you are asking?” He kept his back to her.

“I do. I am asking you to realize I am not her.”

“Colby…”

“I am asking you to trust me.” She went on firmly. “This is a matter of trust…I need very much for you to trust me not to hurt you or fail you and I…more than anything, I need you to trust that I love you in a way that is unconditional and true and…” The tears made it impossible for her to go on as he turned to look at her once more and to her surprise, she could see that he had his own tears shimmering in his eyes.

“Do you know how perfect you are, Colby?”

It was the last question she expected him to ask in a tone that sounded tortured and she shook her head.

“You are smart and talented and creative and physical…God, physically, you are just as perfect as any woman could ever hope to be.”

“Justin…”

“You have eyes that I could get lost in and happily never find my way out and all I have to do is think about your smile and I feel like I am standing in sunlight…and your skin is as soft as satin and as perfect as silk.” All he had ever or would ever feel for her echoed in each word he spoke as she simply stood and listened to him. “Colby, you are flawless…do you realize that, in all my life, I have never seen anything so perfect, so incredible and glorious and I…God, I am not flawless or perfect and when you look at me, you will see scars…” He cursed as the tears in his eyes spilled to his face and Colby went to him to reach out to him, but he stepped away from her, his hands up, in a gesture that made it clear he did not care to be touched.

“I am not perfect, Justin. I am not. No one is.”

“You are perfect, as far as I am concerned.”

“And as far as I am concerned, you are perfect.”

“Colby…”

“You want to talk about eyes that a person could get lost in?” She smiled slightly as she asked and he looked at her with a guarded expression. “I fell into your eyes the day that I met you…I fell into your eyes and I have never found my way out and I…I feel alive each time I see you smile or hear you laugh and I adore the way your hands feel on my body.”

“Sweetheart…”

“Those scars have been a part of you for a long time, and I know you hate them.”

“You have no idea.” He sounded bitter and she didn’t blame him.

“I hate the scars because I know you hate them but more than anything, I hate what they mean to you…I hate that you suffered so much pain in that accident and I hate the pain that you have suffered since then.” Blowing out a breath, she took another step towards him, and this time, she saw it as a small blessing when he didn’t back away. “I love you more than I can express to you, Justin, simply because I do not have the words to truly express what I feel for you now and what I will feel forever.” Her eyes held his as a silence settle between them in a blanketing like sensation that lasted for what felt like an eternity to Colby, until Justin sighed and shook his head, looking somewhat bemused.

“You can give quite a speech, Miss Colson.”

“When I am trying to drive a point home, I hold nothing back.”

“And you…” He felt his chest grow tight with fear. “Do you mean all of it?”

“Every word I said to you, I mean.”

“You love me?”

She smiled and nodded and she looked glorious to him. “I do. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” It felt suddenly natural and right to say the words and the smile she gave him told him she adored hearing them.

“I have wanted so much for you to share your feelings with me.”

“Colby, I have wanted to…” He took a step towards her this time, and Colby realized, in that moment, that ever so slowly, they were closing the distance between them…one step at a time, she mentally calculated, cautioning herself not to push or rush him. “There have been so many times that I have wanted to tell you what you mean to me, but I didn’t, because it didn’t seem fair to you.”

“What isn’t fair is not allowing us a chance.”

“I don’t know…”

“I do. I love you so much. And I want a chance.”

“A chance?”

“I want a chance to look into your eyes when you make love to me…I want to see all the emotions in your eyes when you look at me and I want to touch you and more than you can imagine I…” She felt her face flush and Justin watched her closely.