A Silent Proposal

At nineteen, Heidi was just beginning to discover the world. She was a pretty girl, petite and slender, with long, straight blonde hair and big blue eyes. She never had trouble getting a date in high school, and though she hardly noticed, she rarely went anywhere without attracting her share of male admirers. Now, in her post-high school, saving-for-college years, she didn’t see many prospects. She had never really dated outside of her circle of friends before. Since she had graduated and started working, she hadn't been out much at all. One night, in June, her and a group of girlfriends all bought fake IDs and decided to go for a night out. That night, in the club, she was happy to be surrounded by so many new faces and different kinds of men than she was used to. She felt particularly attracted to a man named Edmund, who was the older brother of her girlfriend Amanda.

Edmund didn't notice her at first. She hovered at the margins of his kid sister's group of friends. It was her brightness that attracted him to her. She said things that sounded naive to him, but she spoke with such care and thoughtfulness that he felt drawn to her though he didn't particularly go for young girls. They eventually paired off to talk to one another and ended up on the dance floor. Heidi wasn't really much of a dancer, but she let him guide her and she thought they moved well together. Edmund was a very attractive man. He was tall and slender, with curly blond hair, and penetrating green eyes. She started feeling a little shy, because, well, she was more than a little turned on. He held her, not right up against him, but very close, so that her breasts and thighs would brush up against him, in time with the music. If this was having any effect on him she wasn't noticing. He seemed utterly focused on the conversation and somewhat enthralled by looking into her eyes.

The awkwardness came when she started to feel like she was saying too much, and she overcompensated by giving short, closed answers to what became a series of questions. He asked her how old she was, and she hesitated a second before answering truthfully.

"Nineteen."

"You're younger than my sister." He said.

"Only by three months" Heidi replied. "I mean, we're really the same age...you know...." She was just about to ask him how old he was, but stopped herself, thinking it may not be polite.

"I'm thirty-two, by the way." He replied. He smiled, but there seemed to be a new distance between them. The accidental breast-and-thigh brushes stopped. He began asking questions about her dating status.

"What type of man do you like.....?" He asked.

"I don't really have a type" She said. "I usually fall for the person."

"I'll tell you what type of woman I'm into these days." He said "The arty-intellectual perpetual student type. The type of woman who will never hold a serious job. A person who is intelligent and single minded enough to avoid the pressures to succeed and stay true to her life's passions. I think a lot of kids your age naturally have that but people lose it as they get older, settling for the career trap or the family and kids routine."

Now she felt like he had said too much. She felt hurt by his words. She wanted a family someday. She hadn't been thinking about any of this before.

She flashed back to earlier in the evening, how she had so carefully chosen the strappy salmon camisole top with the pleated blue skirt and little high heeled sandals that she was wearing. She looked hot, she thought, like a hot sorority girl. He was wearing an expensive tailored suit.

"I hope I'm not too young for you." She said.

"Why would you worry about that?" He asked.

"Because I think you're really cute." She said, loudly, over the music.

He felt suddenly, inexplicably drawn to her. Her eyes widened with shock and pleasure as he held her closer to him, the tips of her breasts touching his chest, the fronts of her thighs swaying against his powerful legs. She leaned her head against his chest and danced with him.

He cupped her chin in his hand and smiled at her in a way that made sparks pass through the air. He kissed her softly on the lips, but it was a kiss that was like a question, an unanswered question. He pulled back before she could respond. She looked away shyly. His hugged her close to him. His hands moved with the music. He began to explore her body, appraising it by touching it with different parts of his body; his chest, his fingers. She yielded to him, basking in the inches of their bodies that were touching so electrically.

Within his embrace she began to furtively grope him, pressing her hands against his chest and sliding them up around his neck and staring at him through half closed eyes. He cupped her ass with one of his hands and secured the other around her waist and pulled her up closer to him. She was surprised by the ease with which he lifted her up off the floor. Their eyes were locked. She splayed her legs around his, her hips thrust towards him, her skirt lifting up and her little thong pulling against the buttons on his pants. She gasped as her pussy, barely covered in the wispy material, came to rest on the head of his engorged cock, rising up through the thin linen pants. He was apparently rather well-endowed. She felt the wetness seeping into her crotch. Her cheeks reddened and she looked away instinctively.

"Look at me" He said.

His face looked all the more overwhelming as she complied, looking up into his eyes. He looked...like someone in love. She leaned into his ear and moaned. She moaned loudly. She slid down a little further, and she felt like he actually penetrated her, through the fabric. She grabbed onto his neck and, balancing on her tip-toes, began to move up and down over his package. He moved his hips ever so slightly as he rubbed his chest against her breasts. She felt his pectoral muscles tracing little circles around the points of her nipples like waves. She didn't even think of looking away from him now...he was making love to her with those eyes.

"You are so lovely" He said. "You are....god... you are so sexy...you are like a doll...like a little doll…"

His hand was all over her ass beneath the almost scandalously elevated skirt, cupping it together in his wide grasp. She wrapped her ankles around his sturdy thighs, and he slid her gushing pussy over his crotch, down the length of his clothed shaft, the thickness of it parting her lips, the head sliding all the way up her stomach. She gasped...

"Come for me baby." He said throatily.

Her clit was in constant motion against the crown of his massive penis. She felt like a butterfly about to be impaled on the head of a pin. She was so vulnerable, yet completely safe...

She came, right there, on the dance floor. No one noticed, except for him of course.

They exchanged numbers and he asked her out the very next night, to dine at an expensive restaurant. On the date, she was surprised to feel self-consciousness start to creep in again. The conversation became strained as she began to censor herself out of fear of embarrassment. She began hoping the night would pass quickly, that they could leave and be alone, that maybe the sparks would still be there if there which would overcome her sudden shyness.

"Taste this" He said, and extended a portion of fois gras that he held between his fingers. He delicately steadied her face between his pinky and palm, and slid the warm goose liver between her lips with his thumb and forefinger. Then he gently brushed clean her lips, and then wetted his two fingers with his tongue and wiped them with the napkin.

"I was just thinking about desert." He said.

"Oh?" She asked.

"I want you for desert."

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "You want me?"

"Yes."

"How do you want me?"

He smiled. "I want to take you home and shave your pussy. I want to shave it smooth as a baby's bottom and then decorate it with strawberries and cream. Then I want to take my time licking every little sugary bit.."

As he spoke she reached inside her panties. This was not the kind thing she would normally do, but it felt completely natural. She felt that she was simply responding to him in his own language. She had to tell him what only her libido could express. It was so smooth and easy. She reached up under her skirt and cupped her cunt in her hand, under the panties. She then slid her middle finger inside herself, keeping him in her gaze, while he went on to tell her what they would do when he finished desert.

"Oh baby, can I have some of your cock when we get home, please?" She squirmed in her seat as she rubbed her clit between her forefinger and her thumb.

He smiled "Oh no, baby, we're just going to talk, just like this, just inches apart, not allowed to touch each other, describing what we want to do to each other...just like we're doing right now....but you'll be naked and playing with your freshly shaven pussy...."

He was still eating, but only using one hand. Neither of them had an orgasm, though, and she was disappointed because she never got to have one that night. She ended up frustrated and confused as he dropped her off back at home instead of taking her to his place. She watched his tail lights disappear and wished she had been more insistent that he explain things to her. She didn't know what this was but it felt like rejection.

There was another dinner, which was understood this time not to include desert. He had a plane to catch, so it would have to be an early night. There were some awkward moments, again, and some more hot talk, and heavenly French kissing. She didn't hear from him for four days after that.

They met the day after he got back from his business trip. They went for an afternoon walk, which culminated in a crushing little revelation. Seated on a park bench, he asked him why he hadn't phoned.

"You don't feel the same way about me, do you?" She asked "You haven't since that night on the dance floor."

He said. "Listen, Heidi, it's not that..."

"If it's not that what is it?"

"You're young, Heidi. I'm not exactly old, but I'm, well, experienced in certain things. I'm talking about sex."

"Are you saying I'm not good enough in bed? We haven't even been to bed together!"

"That's just it, Heidi." He sighed. "I've been with a lot of women. Women my age, women who are older than me and women like you who are much younger. And a girl of nineteen, I'm sorry to say, just doesn't know the things a woman of thirty knows. I used to date lots of women your age and no matter how attracted to them I was, they just seemed really young and girlish to me in bed."

"How can you say that?" She exclaimed. "You don't even know what I'd be like in bed! You're basing your opinion of me on other people!"

"I've never met anyone like you, Heidi. Your words, your touch, your eyes....they enchant me, despite myself.... But I know what it would be like if we sleep together, and it's just not what I want. I'm sorry but I just don't want to be disappointed and I don't want you to be disappointed. You should be with someone your own age."

Though she was loathe to admit it, she felt like crying. She was able to make a somewhat graceful exit before she broke down. She felt devastated for a while, until she became more pissed at him than anything else at his ability to make her feel that way.

Her next boyfriend was another older guy, a friend of a girlfriend. He was something of a player, and she liked this about him. She felt a little bit of her self esteem coming back as she discovered she was able to really please him. She wasn't too invested emotionally, and this helped her to cast aside a lot of her inhibitions and become sort of like a pupil to him. It worked out well, for example, that he really liked to get blowjobs and felt free to critique her performance, showing her how to do it exactly how he liked it. She might have found this charm less in a real boyfriend, but with him it was instructive.

She learned the art of flirting with other guys to keep his attention. She was a new face in the circles he traveled in, and many men fell under the spell of her flirtatiousness. Even the women were taken with her. At her boyfriend’s suggestion, she had a threesome with another girl, something they would do again at her suggestion.

This became a source of tension in fact. The player fell in love with her, which was a devastating blow to his game in general. He began to get jealous of her flirting with other men and the menages-a-trois. As much as she loved sucking his cock, just the way he liked it, with voracious hunger, she began to feel like he didn't care how she did it. He felt like she didn't care about her so much as he wanted to keep her under lock and key. She started to suck him lazily, distractedly, unenthusiastically. She did it out of defiance at first, but one day she asked him if he liked the way she was sucking him.

"Yes." He lied. So she kept giving him half-hearted blowjobs, if she gave him blowjobs at all.

One night, the player came to her on his knees begging her forgiveness after one of his little booty calls. Heidi was sympathetic, but altogether unconvinced by the Player's claims that their sex life was suffering because of his infidelities (or "sex without love", as he termed them). He stopped seeing other girls, and started spending all of his time hanging around the apartment and generally keeping an eye on Heidi. She tried to suggest that they start seeing other people (again), but this just made him more jealous and possessive.

There was another factor which was turning Heidi off. Uncharacteristically, the player was a closet Otaku, or rabid fan of Japanese anime. At one time, she might have found this fact to be interesting. But as their sex life diminished, and their social life dwindled to the occasional night at the movies, he began to spend more time with his private obsession. He would often spend the night holed up with piles of DVDs and an internet connection, posting on the Otaku message boards. About six months into their relationship, he booked a trip to an Otaku convention, and on his insistence she ended up going with him.

The player was 38 years old.

The convention was held at an airport hotel in Chicago. The player knew a lot of people from the Otaku message boards, most of whom were shy boys still in their teens. Heidi found that conversation was impossible with these boys, but she could make them blush with very little effort, and she had fun flirting with them. There were only two girls in the player's circle of net contacts. One was a heavyset and talkative Starbuck's manager, Beth, and the other was a little slip of a thing called Ann. Ann was in her late thirties, and had the weary, disaffected attitude of a public school teacher.

One of the more bizarre facets of Otaku is that anime fans like to dress up like anime characters. This practice is known as cosplay, and most of the women at the convention seemed to be cosplayers. Ann and Beth were dressed identically, in these sort of little bo-peep superhero outfits. They wore thigh-high white boots and short low-cut dresses with cinched waists, puffy arms, and capes. They both wore the same platinum wigs, sporting bangs and pigtails down to their butts. They had sewn the outfits themselves, but the costumes did not look flattering on them. Ann had to wear a t-shirt under hers, because she was flat chested and the bodice had too much fabric.

More embarrassing, for Heidi, the player had ordered an identical costume for her. Heidi refused to wear it, and the player was disappointed, telling her that it was important to him that she wear the costume on the convention floor.

Wanting little part of this, Heidi spent most of the morning in bed reading a book while the others partied down in the convention hall. Sometime after lunch she put her hair back in a ponytail and walked downstairs. There were a few hundred boys there, ranging in age from about eight to forty-five. The player was talking to some people who were apparently really big in the Otaku world, though by their conversation topics Heidi guessed they didn't spend much time in the real world. Heidi drifted over towards the two girls, who were surrounded by a gaggle of young anime enthusiasts who were each clamoring to get their pictures taken with one girl or the other.

Halfway across the room she saw Edmund. He was working a booth towards the back. She hid behind another booth and observed him. He was hawking some CDs of theme music from animated films. The sign said he was the composer. He looked bored. Every once in a while a group of young fans would come up and buy a few CDs and have him sign them, and though he did this with good humor, he seemed to dread it. She felt a little sorry for him, though her pity was tinged with residual anger. She wanted more than anything to approach him, just like she'd imagined it at times, with her new, older, player boyfriend, glowing in her new sexual confidence. But as she glanced over to see her man clad in an anime t-shirt, talking about anime with other anime fans, she realized this was not to be.

She sensed that he was looking around for something to get him out of his miserable task. She also knew that it was exactly in moments like this, of unfocussed distraction, that the sex drive can sneakily take control of the mind. He was scanning the room for a conquest, she was sure of this. Carefully avoiding his gaze, she watched his eyes eventually fall on the costumed women, the big one and the flat-chested one. He asked someone to watch his booth, and then made his move. He slid through a crowd of boys who were standing and gawking to spent about ten minutes chatting up Ann. The whole time she kept her affect-less expression and barely cracked a smile. He slid a key card into her hand anyway.

"Hmmph" Thought Heidi. "She's not even pretty. He's like a dog that will hump anything, just so long as it's old!"

Edmund walked back over to the booth, thanked the person who had been keeping an eye on it, and began to collect his CDs. He sorted them into two suitcases and carried them over to the elevator. Heidi went over to Ann.

"Did that guy just hit on you?" Heidi asked.

"Yeah," Ann said flatly.

Heidi rolled her eyes.

"He already gave me his room key." Heidi said, taking her own room key out of her pocket with a dismissive wave. "He's been giving them out to every girl here, all six of us."

"Yeah, well, he gave me one too, and you better believe I'm not going to use it."

"Give it to me. I'm going to take these up to the desk. I'll tell the receptionist that someone must have lost them."

Heidi walked over in the direction of the reception, only to pass right by the desk and take the elevator up to her room.

The player and his online buddies were there, watching a DVD.

"Hey honey, you should watch this, it has Choshira, you know, the character whose costume I bought for you."

"Oh, really darling, I so can't wait to watch it." Heidi said sarcastically. "But to tell you the truth, boys, I'm so turned on by this party that I have to go to the bathroom and jerk off."

The room was silent for a moment.

"Can we watch?" Somebody asked.

"Boing!" Some one exclaimed "can we watch?"

The rest of them joined in a chorus of "can we watch" while Heidi twirled around in an exaggerated catwalk move. The player looked a little shocked and a little despondent.

"I need a cold shower." She said to him. "I'll be right out."

In the little antechamber to the bathroom, across from the sink, she grabbed her costume from out of the closet, where the player had hung it. She ran the shower, and unpacked the costume, which was identical to the costumes of the other girls, with one difference. Her costume contained white fishnets along with the dress and the wig. She stripped down to her panties, and, after a moment's hesitation, wrapped a towel around herself and went back out to retrieve another pair, a sexy little pink thong. She went back in the bathroom, locked the door and put on the thong and fishnets. She began to see some possibilities with the outfit. The fishnets looked good one her. With the thong they looked positively sexy.