Got to Choose

Life doesn't make sense sometimes. Actually, a better cliche for me would be that you can't choose who you love.

I've been in love with Sara since I saw her in a Business class we had together freshman year of college. I fell head over heels in love with her, the moment our eyes met when she smiled at me.

I asked her out immediately, and she accepted. We went for coffee, and did the usual first date stuff.

The first thing she said when we sat down was, "Tell me your story. What is the story of Jesse Malone."

"Well, I'm from Schaumburg, Illinois, which is about 40 minutes from downtown Chicago. I grew up in a middle class household under an umbrella of love.

My parents adore each other, and that love passed on to me and my sister Ali. They have one of those storybook loves that makes you have to brush your teeth after talking to them, it's so sweet. They grew up with each other and were basically always together.

My sister is 10 years older than I am, so I guess I was an oops baby. She always doted on me like I was one of her dolls growing up and we are very close."

Sara said, "Aww, did she dress you up?"

"As a matter of fact she did many wardrobe changes on me over the early years. She was always my fashion consultant when I got older as well.

I'm a pretty decent student. I play the drums, and was in a few bands through high school."

"Didn't you dream of being a big time rock star?" She asked.

"No, not really," I answered, "My dream is kind of corny. Just to get a good job, marry a beautiful woman, and have a bunch of kids."

She smiled and said, "Oh, so you're a softy?"

"I wouldn't say that," I said defensively.

"What about a girlfriend? Is there a hometown hottie that I'm encroaching on?" She asked with a smirk.

"No, believe it or not I didn't date much." I replied. "I took girls to all the dances and stuff, but I never really had a steady girlfriend."

"That's surprising," she said. "You're easy on the eyes and don't give off a serial killer vibe. I'd think you would've been prime beef in your school."

"Well, I never put myself out there I guess. I was always busy with school, my bands, and the jobs I had, so I never really had time to build a relationship with any of the girls I dated," I answered.

"Since you opened that door, how about you? Do I need to be watching over my shoulder for any boyfriends?"

"No," she said. "But I do have a boyfriend back home in Chicago."

"Hey, a Chicago girl, that's great, but what's the status? Are we just going to be friends now?" I said, hoping for a better answer than I got. What I should've done was run as soon as she said it.

"No, I told him I was going to date while here. I wasn't exclusive with Alex before, although I wasn't whoring around either. I just don't see the point of being tied down yet."

I should've paid for the coffee and said goodbye right then. That was the worst thing I could've heard. I wanted an exclusive relationship with that goddess. I didn't want to share her with anyone.

She was stunning. She was tall, with brown hair done back in a pony tail, and lovely brown eyes. She was curvy, but lean. I guess she compared with Anne Hathaway, if I had to pick someone.

But I didn't run. I began to date her. I guess I thought I could win her away from her long distance boyfriend that she wasn't serious about anyway, or maybe I just wasn't thinking with my big head at all.

We were going well for about 3 months, when I saw her with a guy in a pizza joint. I was there with friends, she was clearly on a date.

I walked over to their booth and sat down next to her surprising her. I reached my hand out to the guy and said, "Hi, Jesse Malone."

He looked at me, then her and said to her, "I thought you weren't dating anyone, Sara?"

She glared at me and told him, "Jesse and I see each other. We have an understanding that I don't want to be tied down."

"Look man," he said. "We've gone out a few times. If I would have known about you, I'd have walked away. I don't play games like that."

I said, " I get it. How could you have known. Anyway, it's not like you're fucking her or anything.

He paled and scrunched his face up.

I looked at Sara and said, "Seriously? You're fucking other guys?" She looked away from me.

I looked at him and said, "Condoms?"

He shook his head in a negative reply.

"Keep her," I said, "I'm through with her," and slid out to leave.

She said, "Jesse wait," but didn't follow me out.

"Fucking great," I thought. I had understood about the guy back home, in a way, but I felt like I was her guy here and he was her guy there. He was so far away, he didn't matter, but for her to date, and fuck other guys here was a problem for me. Especially bareback.

We were having sex regularly, and without condoms since she was on the pill. I guess I thought since I was her guy here, I was safe from social diseases, but I guess I thought wrong. That was not something I'm ok with.

As I was walking back home, She called me. I let it go to voicemail, I wasn't going to deal with her tonight. She called every 15 minutes and texted me a book.

I deleted them all.

We weren't dating very long, with it being only 3 months, but I fell hard for her. We were with each other a lot. My room, her room, dates, we shared friends; it really felt like we were in a relationship. I struggled to think of when she could see that guy. I guess the times she said she was studying or with friends were lies. I must have been so blind and stupid.

I didn't understand why she hid the fact that she was seeing other guys from me. If we had a so called "understanding" as she said, one would think she wouldn't of had to hide it. She must have known what she was doing was wrong.

I sat down in a courtyard in front of my dorm, just thinking. I went to that courtyard to study sometimes or have picnics with Sara.

It was a mild October night and I was enjoying the quiet when someone sat next to me.

"Did you read my text?" She said.

"Nope, deleted all the voicemails too." I said.

"I was afraid I was falling in love with you," Sara said softly. "I was afraid that we were getting to close."

I didn't respond.

She continued, "You knew from the beginning that we were not going to be exclusive."

"I didn't know you'd be screwing other guys," I snapped.

"I thought it was just you and me here and you had, whatever his name is, back home. I didn't think I was one of many. You had unprotected sex, for Christ's sake. Now I have to get tested." She pulled back a bit at that statement.

"Jesse, we were supposed to just be fun. We were never supposed to be in a relationship and that's what we are. I had to have different experiences."

"Fuck it then," I said as I stood up. "You're not worth my love." I walked away and left her there crying.

Thankfully, I didn't get a STD.

I didn't answer any of her calls or respond to her texts. I read them though, and they were the standard crap about still being able to see each other casually. I just couldn't do that. I was in love with her and wanted her to love me too. I couldn't be in a rotation. She had to make a choice and choose me.

I went home for Thanksgiving and brightened up a bit. I was slowly getting over her and was looking forward to the distraction of the holiday.

I got to my parent's house at 10 am on Turkey day and was shocked to find Sara helping my mother in the kitchen. When I walked in she looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything. She didn't really get a chance because mom beat her to me.

Mom gave me a huge hug, and took my bag to start a load of my laundry. She smiled at me and said quietly, "She's scared Jesse. She told me that you're not expecting her, but wants to see you. She thinks you're gonna kick her out."

"I will," I said.

Mom's eyes went wide and she said, "You will do no such thing, young man. We've been talking since she got here and she told me what she did and how you reacted. You weren't wrong son, but she has it bad for you and wants a chance to talk."

"Fine, mom, I won't ruin the day for you."

"That's my boy," she said. "Now, go say hi to your dad, before talking to her. Ali and the gang will be here by 11:30 so they don't miss any football, and the grandparents will be here after noon."

I gave her a kiss and walked into the living room.

Dad, being a man of few words, gave me a man hug with a firm handshake. He said, "Nice girl son, don't mess it up."

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen.

I grabbed a Coke and said, "Sara, could we have a chat in my room please?"

She nervously said, "Yes, thanks," and she followed me upstairs.

My room, not surprisingly, was really clean. Mom kept a neat house and with me not there to mess it up, my room looked like a guest room more than my bedroom now.

I had her sit in my desk chair while I sat on the bed.

"Well?" I asked her.

"Jesse, I miss you. I miss you so much, I can't stand it."

"Oh yeah?" I asked.

"Jesse, I am worth your love and I want to show you that. I broke it off with Alex (her boyfriend at home), and I want to have a relationship with you, only you. I'm ready to grow up, and I'm ready to be your girl if you'll have me."

I didn't know what to do, I still loved her, but did I want to risk being hurt again? I decided being with her was worth the risk.

I stood up and walked over to her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up into a hug.

As she started crying, I softly said in her ear, "I love you, and I'd like to give it another shot."

She kissed me so hard it almost hurt, and when we broke the kiss said, "I love you, too."

We went down to join the family. She went back to the kitchen and I plopped in front of the TV to watch the end of the parade.

My sister, Ali, showed up with her husband, Frank, and her twin 5 year old girls, Molly and Abby. Frank was a good guy and treated her and the girls really well. He was a fireman and Ali was a stay at home mom.

Ali walked in and gave me and dad quick hugs, then bolted for girl talk with mom. The girls attacked me on the couch trying to tickle me to death, but of course I won that battle.

Frank dropped onto the other end of the couch and handed dad a beer. He asked me, "Who's the hottie getting grilled by my wife?"

"My girlfriend Sara." It felt good to say that.

"Nice, bro," he said. "Don't mess it up."

Dad chuckled.

Sis, came in to check on the girls and said, "I like her, Jesse. Take it slow and don't mess it up."

Dad chuckled.

We ate dinner after the first game and it was nice to have the normal banter. I was glad to be home, I missed everyone.

After the dishes were done, Sara came into the living room and said, "Jesse, I need to get going so she could make it to my grandma's in time for dessert."

I rose and said, "Ok, let me walk you out."

She looked at me sheepishly and said, "I was kind if hoping, that you would come with."

I got a knot in my stomach, but said, "Sure, let's say our goodbyes."

Her grandparents didn't live that far from me and definitely lived closer than Sara's home on the northwest side of Chicago. We did make it in time for dessert and I was surprised by the size of her family.

Her parents, paternal grandparents, 2 sisters with a husband and kid each, a younger sister with no date and some uncles and aunts were there.

My head was spinning by the time I was introduced to everyone. One of her aunts pulled me into the family room to have a seat.

She sat next to me and said, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. She spent all day yesterday worrying about her crazy plan to ambush you. We got so much scoop on you from her, we feel like we know you already."

I smiled and said, "I'm a bit nervous, to be honest. I'm not sure what to expect with you all, but you seem so nice."

"We are," she said. "Oh, you'll get the protective father routine soon, and the sisters will be all over you for info, but just relax. You might want to take that sweater off though. You're sweating." She patted me on the leg and left me with the men watching the football game.

At commercial her dad spoke up and said, "So Jesse, what are you studying?"

"Accounting, Sir," I said.

"Oh yeah? Dad and I have our own accounting firm." He beamed.

"Yes Sir," I answered. "I figure it's a pretty stable field, with options for specialization too."

"Yes, definitely." He said. "If you ever need some advice or need some info, please call."

"I'll do that, thank you."

I was called into the dining room where Sara's grandma was putting a plate down for me to eat another dinner. All of the ladies were sitting around the table and I felt like a lamb with wolves.

I was about to say that she didn't have to feed me when Sara said, "Nana was worried because you're so thin, you must not be eating well at school."

I laughed and said to her grandmother, "I'm sure you're right Ma'am, my mom said the same thing. Thank you."

She smiled and said, "Eat up, there's plenty." So I ate another dinner.

All of the ladies started grilling me about school, how I met Sara, my grades and on and on. They were all very nice, but I felt a bit ganged up on.

Aunt Karen, the aunt that spoke to me earlier, announced, "Ladies, let the poor boy catch his breath. We can get the rest of his life story at Christmas." The ladies laughed and Sara led me out of the room.

Sara walked me to the den, where we were alone, and kissed me. She broke it and said, "Sorry, I had to kiss you. I have a lot of time to make up for." She kissed me again and it felt good to be in her arms. I missed her badly and I was feeling better about giving her a second chance.

She drove me back home and we talked about our plans for when we were going back to school.

I said, "I was planning on leaving in the early afternoon on Sunday. With luck, I'll be back by 7."

"Me too," she said. "Could we see each other tomorrow? I'd like to show you off to my friends."

"Absolutely," I said.

We made out in the car for a while, steaming up her windows pretty good, and then parted.

I picked her up at her house for lunch on Black Friday. We were going to meet up with a few of her friends and do some shopping.

To say her friends were surprised to see me sitting there was an understatement. I guess her break up with Alex was so recent, that word hadn't gotten around yet.

Three of her friends met up with us at the Baker's Square restaurant. Myla, was a cute redhead who had a mouth worse than a sailor. It seemed every sentence had swearing in it. Jackie, was a bigger girl. I'd guess she was 40 lbs. overweight, but she was sweet and shy. Lastly, was Heather. She was Sara's best friend. I would come to find out later that they were called the terror twins. They looked like sisters and up until school, were inseparable.

Myla walked up and blurted out, "Where's that fucking hottie Alex?"

"Out of the picture," Sara said, and introduced me as her boyfriend from school. Heather smirked and looked at her as Sara spoke.

I frowned at the 'from school' comment. I was probably reading too much into it, but I guess I had my guard up.

"Wow," Jackie said. "I guess, you're new hottie then?"

"I guess so," I shrugged as they giggled.

As the girls caught up on all things school and love interests, I drank coffee, ate pie and nodded and laughed when appropriate.

We parted ways with the girls and went to the mall to get some shopping done. Sara made sure to hold my hand all the time and kiss me periodically as we bounced from store to store.

I was feeling really good. I started to feel like Sara and I slipped right back to where we were before. It was making me very happy.

I took her back to her home later and helped her in with her bags. Her mom and dad were home, along with her younger sister. Her mom invited me to stay for pizza, and I accepted after texting my mom.

It was a much more relaxed meal than Thanksgiving was. Her parents were really cool, and Jessica, her sister was very bubbly.

Jessica was 18 and in her senior year. She was just as beautiful as Sara. Their mom was attractive, so it seemed the gene pool was pretty strong on her mom's side.

After dinner Sara told her family that we would be watching a movie in the basement. Her dad frowned and said, "Leave the door open, kids."

Sara whined back, "Oh, daddy."

He playfully said, "Don't oh daddy me pumpkin. My house, my rules."

She kissed him on the cheek and we headed downstairs, closing the door behind us.

I'm not even sure if we watched a movie. We started making out immediately and were trading off oral sex shortly after that.

I slid down the couch and pushed her skirt up. She was so horny, her panties were soaking wet. I pulled them off and buried my face in her sex.

I had never gone down on a girl before meeting Sara, so she taught me everything. As a result, I was able to get her off quick by doing exactly what she liked.

She liked to be teased around her clit and licked up and down her labia, until she was writhing from pent up frustration. Then I went on an all out attack on her button while fingering her. It only took a few minutes of licking, sucking, and nibbling her clit until she came.

I was sure that someone heard her cry out in orgasm before she put a pillow over her face, but no one came down.

She pulled me up to kiss her and said, "You're amazing. You always play me like a fiddle, now it's your turn."

She dropped down and pulled off my pants and boxers in one tug. She grinned at me and told me, "I missed you so much, Jesse. I was such a fool." Then took my rock hard shaft into her mouth. She didn't take me into her throat, but it was damn close.

She spent a lot of time licking and sucking my balls, which is my favorite thing that she does, while stroking me with varying speeds.

As I was about to cum, I warned her and she took me back into her mouth and sucked on my head until she swallowed every drop.

I gave her a tender kiss and got dressed. She walked me upstairs, where I said goodnight to her family, and out the door.

We kissed goodbye and agreed to leave together and follow each other back to school, where we would be a couple again.

Things went very well for us over time. We spent a lot of time together and we went home for breaks together, unless I had to work.

I started working for a big box store a couple of nights a week for some spending money, but Sara didn't work.

I never suspected her of dating anyone else over the next three years until it hit me right between the eyes.

After three years, we were coming up on Thanksgiving break. I worked Black Friday that year so I didn't go home with her.

She texted me on Tuesday night that she was missing me and would be hanging with the girls on Wednesday. I told her to have fun, but not too much fun and told her goodnight.

Wednesday morning my boss called and said, "Hey Jess, we overstaffed on Friday, you want it off?"

I said, "Hell yeah. Now I can go home for Thanksgiving. Thanks!"

He said, "Have a safe trip, I'll see you Saturday."

I was so excited, that I grabbed some clothes and jumped in the car forgetting to call and tell Sara the news.

I pulled into my parent's driveway and ran into the house. After exchanging greetings with my family, I grabbed a shower and texted Sara asking what she was up to.

She told me that they were meeting at a pizza place soon. I texted back ok, still not realizing I hadn't told her that I was in town.

Where they were meeting was about a half hour away so I headed up there. It was when I walked in that I felt the deja vu. I guess she felt safe telling me where she really was, because I was supposed to be so far away.