Jac and Diane

As I enter my parent's house, all the memories of my youth with my mom and dad come flooding back to me. It's only been two months since I've stepped foot in their suburban home, the same home in Iowa City that I grew up in. But it's different now, it feels like a shell of what it was.

It's Tuesday lunchtime as I return home for my parent's funeral service tomorrow, they both died a few days ago in a freeway pile-up that claimed the lives of five people. My older sister Gabrielle is here already, having flown in from Chicago where she lives with her husband and two children. I only had to drive in from Des Moines, Iowa where I live and work at the moment.

My name's Jack Richards, I'm a twenty-six-year-old Manager for a sporting goods store back in Des Moines. I'm 6'3" with light brown hair and I keep myself in good shape, a bit of a gym junkie if I'm being honest. My parents, Tom and Janice Richards, were both born and raised here in Iowa City too, getting married and having two kids, Gabby and myself. My dad ran a hardware store, the biggest in town, and my mom helped him to run it, owning their house and putting both their children through college in the process.

Gabby was the first to go off to college in Chicago, where she met James 'Jimmy' Conners, her future husband and the father of her two kids. I myself went to Iowa State to play football, but having major shoulder and knee reconstruction surgeries at the start of my senior year put an end to any aspirations I might've had of being a starting linebacker.

"Hey, Jack. It's so good to see you. How are you holding up?" Gabby asks as she greets me with a warm hug.

"Okay, I guess. I can't believe they're gone. How are you doing? Did Jimmy and the kids come with you?"

"No, he couldn't make it. They're in the middle of merger negotiations, so it's just me. The kids are too young to understand either, so I left them with Jimmy's parents back in Chicago for the next few days."

"Yeah, probably for the best." I respond.

"Cliff and Charlotte were here earlier; they've been helping to organize the funeral for us. Most of the arrangements are already made for tomorrow, we just need to sign off on them. Then there's the rest of the paperwork that needs to happen before we leave as well." Gabby informs me.

"I can't even think about what to do with the house and business at the moment, can we talk about it after the funeral? How long are you here for?"

"Two more days. So, let's sign-off on the arrangements for tomorrow, then we can deal with the other stuff on Thursday. In the meantime, I'm making some lunch, you must be hungry after your drive."

"Yeah, thanks Gabby."

We sat down together to eat lunch at the same dining table we've sat at a thousand times before, neither of us saying much. It's been such a shock to the both of us, our parents were full of life, and still relatively young with dad only turning fifty just last year. I'd never even contemplated having to live without them being there, it's just never crossed my mind.

Thankfully, I have my older sister Gabby here with me through the next two days, she's always looked out for me. We've had a good relationship growing up, probably better than most brothers and sisters, maybe because she's three years older than me and being a girl, meant we never had to share rooms, clothes, toys or friends.

"So, are you going to ask me?" Gabby asks, breaking the silence.

I look at her with a dumb expression on my face, I'm not sure what she's talking about.

"About Diane. If she's here with Cliff and Charlotte." Gabby continues.

"No. Diane's married and lives in New York now. Did she come back home just for the funeral?"

"Well, no. She is back home though, but it's because she's getting divorced. It's been really messy too according to Charlotte. Diane only moved back home with her parents a week ago."

"Yeah, I don't know what to say to that." I respond.

"Well, maybe you should go see her."

"Why? What would be the point in that?"

"Because she's your best friend, or at least she always was. Come on Jack, you two grew up together, she's practically your twin sister." Gabby responds to me.

"Huh? That's funny, I don't think what we had should be described as a brother sister type relationship. Maybe when we were younger, but we definitely ended up a lot closer than that. You were already off in college by then, maybe you don't remember."

"I remember. I remember that she's your first and probably only real girlfriend you've ever had, and I saw how much you two were in love whenever I was home for the holidays. I always thought you two were so perfect for each other."

"Well, that all ended a few years ago when she decided to marry someone else. Water under the bridge, as they say."

"Yeah, but mom told me you've never gotten over her since, that you're still single now because of her. Good or bad, maybe you should deal with it while you're here."

"On top of dealing with mom and dad's funeral, and what to do with everything else? Sure, why not throw my unresolved relationship with Diane into the mix as well." I reply while shaking my head.

"Better now than never." Gabby replies.

"I don't think I'm ready to re-open that wound while I'm dealing with mom and dad too. It's too much."

"Okay, I just thought that maybe seeing her again might help you to get through this. It's hard to think about you without thinking about Diane as well. You two really should've gotten married."

"Yeah, well. Don't ask me that, ask her."

"You know she'll be at the funeral tomorrow, right? At some point you'll have to talk with her."

"I'll deal with that when I have to, until then, can we drop this?" I reply.

"Alright. When was the last time you were home by the way? You're not that far from here."

"Two months ago, for mom's birthday. We had lunch here with mom and dad along with Cliff and Charlotte as always."

"Yeah, they both have to be hurting. They've been best friends with our parents all their lives, it's probably going to be harder on them then it will be for us." Gabby adds.

"No doubt. At least they'll have Diane at home now, she might help take their minds away from all this."

"Charlotte told me that Ricky's still in the Army, he'll probably be a career soldier at this point, he's been serving for eleven years now." Gabby informs me.

"Yeah, speaking of lost love, do you ever wonder what life might've been like if you married Ricky instead?"

"No, not really. He'll always be my first boyfriend, my first love, but no, I don't think about us and what might've been. I couldn't be happier with Jimmy, he's given me my children and a good home. I don't think I would've made it as an army wife anyway." Gabby chuckles.

We finished our lunch before going over the funeral arrangements. I went to lay down in my old bedroom for a bit, with my room still full of all my old football and boxing trophies. It wasn't that long ago, but it seems like a world away now. My parents still have numerous photos around the house of us as a family, along with our 'extended family' of Cliff and Charlotte Thompson, and their two kids, Ricky and Diane.

Ricky joined the army when he was just eighteen. He and Gabby were fairly close growing up, and were dating up until he enlisted. But they weren't quite like me and Diane and the tight bond we had. Every birthday, every Christmas, every cook-out, every party, every holiday we had growing up had both families together. Some of my earliest memories are of me and Diane, us together at these different events. I think we were like four years old at the time.

Diane and I went to the same kindergarten together, the same schools. We both got our first bikes at the same Christmas so we could learn to ride them together as well. Gabby's right, me and Diane were inseparable all our lives, though I always saw her more as my best friend, and not as my sister. Even before we were old enough to start dating, I was always protecting her, defending her against whoever for whatever reason. Somehow, I was always knew we'd be together.

We first started dating in high school, I guess our hormones had kicked in, but it didn't change too much between us. She was still my best friend, now I just got to kiss her as well. And did she ever blossom into a beautiful young woman, with her golden blonde hair and sparkling grey eyes. And her body, whew! Diane was always into sports like me, we had that in common too, although she stuck to athletics and swimming mainly.

Yeah, growing up there were only two things I wanted in my life, one was to play football, the other was to get married and have a family with Diane. But when we left high school, I went to Ames for Iowa State to study business management while playing football, where Diane chose Princeton for a finance degree, and that's where our story eventually ends.

At Princeton, she met her future husband, Jason Jantz. He was a senior when she was still a freshman, her promise to me that we'd still be together when we were done with college lasted less than a year.

It broke my heart, but I understood. Maybe it's unrealistic to think that two people could have a long-distance relationship for a number of years while being young and enjoying college in different parts of the country. That this is how it was always going to end. It didn't make it any easier though.

Mom was right that I never really got over her. I dated a few girls after Diane broke up with me while I was still in college but always kept those relationships from getting anywhere close to being serious, I just didn't want to get hurt again. And since college, well, the last couple of years I've managed to dive into my career, to make the most of it. I didn't stay in Iowa City, I didn't want to be reminded of Diane everywhere I went, so I left for the big city, yeah, Des Moines. I heard that Diane got married to Jason during her last year at college, she then followed him to Manhattan where they've been living since.

After meeting with the pastor in the morning, Gabby, Cliff and I share a coffee before the other guests arrive at the church for the service to begin.

"Thanks for everything you and Charlotte have done since the accident, Cliff. I know this can't be easy for you both." Gabby consoles the man that has been like a second father to us both.

"Yeah, I never thought this day would come though, not so soon anyway. Your parents, they weren't just our best friends, they were more like our brother and sister as well. It's just, I feel so disconnected from everything right now. So off-balance because of this. Organizing today and looking after your parent's store over the last few days has kept my mind off it to be honest." Cliff replies solemnly.

"Thanks for that, Cliff. We don't know what to do with the store, Gabby and I haven't spoken about it yet."

"I'd like you two to come over to our home tomorrow, so we can discuss those matters and their wills. Your parents had named me as their executor, so I'll take care of whatever you both want to do."

"Thanks, Cliff. Also, I know it's a lot to ask but would you be able to give the eulogy today? It would mean a lot to us if you could that." Gabby adds.

"Of course. Do either of you want to say anything as well?" Cliff replies.

We both shake our heads, I think Gabby like me, will be too emotional to be able to say anything.

"Okay. Charlotte and Diane will be here shortly before the other guests arrive. Just let us know if either of you need anything, alright?"

We both nod in agreement, as we finish our coffees, waiting for the funeral service to begin.

A few minutes later, I can see Charlotte and her daughter approaching us, we all stand to greet them. Charlotte gives both Gabby and me a huge hug, she's also been like a second mom to us, it's hard for me to keep my emotions in check as she consoles me.

Diane in turn hugs Gabby, before turning towards me. We stand here facing each other for a moment, an uncomfortable moment, before Diane steps forward and embraces me, holding me tightly. We don't say anything, she looks up into my eyes for a moment and nods. Her eyes, like mine, are glassy. We're all trying to fight back our emotions right now.

We get Charlotte and Diane some coffee, I can't help but watch Diane some of the time, like I'm drawn to her. She still looks like the same beautiful girl that I knew and loved before we began college. She still takes my breath away.

Cliff and Charlotte begin to talk about some of the things we've done together as two families, the good times we've had with our parents. The conversation itself feels like its healing us, to remember their lives in a happy way, not to mourn the way in which they died.

The pastor soon comes over to let us know that its time, as we can see a large number of guests making their way inside the church for the service. Both our parents were well known and well liked in the community; with a large crowd expected.

As we stand to make our way inside the church, I find myself walking beside Diane, and she gently takes my hand in hers. This isn't something either of us planned, it just feels right that we'd console each other.

As we take our seats in the front row, Diane sits beside me with Gabby sitting on my other side, along with Cliff and Charlotte. At least today I'm with the people that truly loved my parents, who are feeling their loss as much as I am.

Cliff's eulogy was beautifully poignant, and almost brought me to tears, something which never happens. The three women sitting with me however, weren't able to hold back there's. When it was all said and done, we all made our way outside to the cemetery, as we watched as both my parents were put into the ground. Then the endless stream of well-wishes from the guests as they filed their way past us in an orderly manner.

As the last of the guests were leaving the cemetery, Cliff has to speak with the Pastor before we'll all go back to their place for the wake. I find myself beginning to stroll around the cemetery grounds, trying to gather my emotions before we leave. I realize that Diane is once again strolling beside me, just like always. We haven't actually spoken to each other yet, I'm still not sure what to even say to her.

Diane again takes my hand as we walk silently around the grounds, for everything else going on today, it feels comforting. We eventually make our way back to our cars where Cliff, Charlotte and Gabby are waiting for us, and we leave for the Thompson's.

At the wake, I'm speaking with Ryan Schaefer and his very pregnant wife Jenny, along with their three young children all trying to be on their best behaviors. Ryan, apart from Diane, was my best friend in high school. He was a linebacker with me on our high school football team but never went off to college. He's a plumber now and appears to be doing quite well if his wife and almost four kids are anything to go by.

"So, Jack. I saw you with Diane today, I thought you two broke up while you were both away at college?" Ryan asks me.

"Yeah, we did. I guess you could say she's like family. Days like today, you put that other stuff to one side. I see you're doing well with another on the way. Congratulations to you both, by the way." I reply.

"Thanks, Jack. My plumbing business has been going great too, in no small part due to your father. I'm really going to miss him." Ryan replies.

"My dad? How's that?"

"Well, your father helped me a lot with supplies and tools, giving me some really good prices. But the main part was that he referred a ton of work my way, when people would be in the store and ask about plumbing, he'd point them in my direction. He did the same with some of the other guys as well, tilers, electricians, carpenters. A lot of local tradesmen are going to miss him. Do you have any idea what you're going to do with the business?"

"No, not yet. Gabby and I will talk about it tomorrow, we'll probably put it up for sale though."

"That's a shame. I was hoping you'd run it, as far as I know the business is still very profitable." Ryan replies.

"Yeah, it has been, but I don't know anything about hardware. I'd be out of my depth trying to run it. Besides, I'm already managing a sports store in Des Moines."

"Yeah, but that business isn't yours, you're just another employee of a large chain. Your family's hardware store is something that both your parents have built over decades, everyone here knows your family, they know the store. Besides, managing one business will be like another, and you'll have plenty of people here to help you if you need advice. Hell, I'll spend some time teaching you whatever you want to know for free. Just think about it, Jack. Don't rush into selling it straight away." Ryan advises me.

"Okay, I'll think about it. You've given me something to talk with Gabby about for sure, thanks Ryan." I reply as Diane joins us, hugging Ryan and his wife and meeting his children.

As Ryan and his family move on, they leave me and Diane once again standing together, still yet to speak to each other all day long.

"Can we go outside, Jack? Can we talk for a bit?" Diane asks me.

"Yeah, sure." I respond as I follow Diane outside to her parents' front porch, finding a quiet spot away from everyone else.

"How are you Jack, really? Today hasn't been easy, I can't imagine what you and Gabby are going through." Diane asks.

"Yeah, it's tough. But I'm glad you guys have been here with us, it's made it easier, somewhat."

Diane nods at me, before tilting her head back with her eyes closed, she sighs before looking back at me to continue.

"I'm sorry Jack, about what happened between us. This is the first time I've seen you face to face since we broke up. I've tried to convince myself that I did the right thing ever since that day, but I've never really believed it." Diane offers.

"Is there more to it than what you told me back then? That it wasn't going to work, us having a long-distance relationship for so long." I answer.

"Well, maybe from all the pressure I was getting from all my new friends there to break up with you. They were convinced it was the best for me, in the end I guess I believed them."

"And what about Jason? Can you honestly tell me that you didn't break up with me because of him."

"I hadn't even met him yet when we broke up, I swear Jack. I never left you for him, not at all."

"Then why? Peer pressure and not wanting to wait around, really?"

"In part. Everyone was having fun around me, I felt like such a Debbie-Downer. I was scared of drinking in case I did something wrong, I never danced with other guys when we went to parties, let alone do anything else." Diane tells me, before she continues.

"My friends kept hassling me, especially after I showed them pictures of you. They swore to me that you'd be getting laid left, right and center with you being so handsome and on a D1 college football team. That all the college girls would be throwing themselves at you; that I was delusional if I thought that you'd be able to stay faithful to me. Just the thought of you cheating on me, I think that I broke up with you first so I wouldn't have to go through that pain."

"What? So, break my heart before I broke yours?" I respond.

"Yeah, something like that. I just wish I never listened to them, that I put more faith in you, in us."

"Well, I hadn't cheated on you at all when you gave me the 'Dear John' talk. And I didn't have any intention to either, honestly."

"I know that now. I just wish I would've believed it more back then. But what's done is done, I guess."

"And Jason? What happened?"

"Oh God, that would take an entire evening to explain properly. The short version is that he's a really good salesman, he sold me the dream of who he wanted me to believe he was. In the end, he was just a hollow, self-centered and horrible person."