Can't believe I made it to 5 chapters! Here is the fifth. Hope you like it even more than you did the previous ones. Vote and comment to let me know what you think.
Thanks to my copy-editor KatieTay, my plot editor CambriaRose and a special vote of thanks to PennLady for helping me with this chapter.
DISCLAIMER-
This chapter contains episodes of drug use and drug induced hallucinations. If you do not like such content, do not read further.
"
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea."
-Honore de Balzac
* *
Blades of light shone in through the window. Katrina could feel her body warmed by the radiant sun. She squirmed and groaned happily at the palms moving over her body. One hand grasped her left breast and pressed it. The fingers circled her sensitive areola and pinched it gently.
Her mouth opened in a sharp cry of pleasure. Her eyes peered through the bright illuminance. She could vaguely make out the silhouette of a face. It came closer, until she saw those kindly eyes that she had grown to love.
"Jake," she said, not daring to believe it.
"Yes, Katrina," he said. "I'm here for you now."
She tried to say something, but his lips clasped onto her mouth, sucking his tongue. She returned the kiss with a tender passion that she had not known she had. Their tongues interlocked in a sensuous dance. One of her hands came up to caress his cheek. His lips never left hers even as her other hand reached around his head. Her fingers grabbed his hair, pulling his head into her face.
Katrina wanted to surrender herself completely to the kiss. Her mind was already sliding down the slope into an abyss of lust. It looked so warm and inviting to her, calling out to her to give in. She had wanted this for so long.
Jake did not break the kiss. His hands roamed over her torso, kneading, grinding, squeezing her until she could feel pleasure seeping under her skin. Her body was a heated erogenous zone, with every nerve-ending quivering in anticipation of a cascade of pleasure.
She felt a hardness against her. Looking down, she saw his erection barely touching her lower lips. Her eyes returned to his and he brushed his hardness up and down the length of her slit.
"Thank you Jake."
He gave her his signature smile of warmth and confidence before he placed his arms on either side of her head. Jake lowered his head to her neck and kissed her softly. His lips moved over her skin, planting delicate pecks everywhere.
She moaned happily as his hard member teased her wet folds. The need had grown inside her, simmering inside her like a hungry beast. An alien entity that willed her to grasp what she wanted and pull him deep within her, like he was always meant to be. Like Tristan and Isolde, Thisbe and Pyramus, it was just right. It was exactly as it was supposed to be.
Destined in ways not even Ovid could have penned.
He pushed into her, gently at first. She screamed for more and clutched his hips. Arching her body off the bed, she took more of his shaft inside her. It filled her vagina, stretching her walls around his girth.
Katrina felt her velvet walls clench around his pulsing member. He fucked her in fast strokes. She dug her fingernails into his back, leaving furrows and even drawing a hint of blood. Undeterred, he ploughed on.
"I love you, Jake," she moaned into his mouth. "I always have. I always will."
He did not need to say anything. That look of unbridled passion on his face spoke for him as did the powerful intensity of his thrusting. He plunged his member into her depths. She gasped as she felt his full length embedded inside her.
It was perfect. As if it was made for her. For her and only her.
"Give it to me. Don't hold back. Give me everything."
And he did. Stroke followed stroke with increasing power. His thick erection slammed against her pussy, burying himself to the hilt inside her folds. She wrapped her legs around his back and drew him even closer to her.
His hands on her shoulders as he continued to move his hips back and forth in a powerful rhythm against her. She felt a powerful orgasm form inside her and grow exponentially. It expanded within her, threatening to consume her.
Once more, their lips locked and he drew out of her entirely before slamming all the way back in again.
"I've waited long enough. Don't make me wait any longer."
The orgasm was about to hit her, when she saw her world spin out. Jake's form was replaced by a fuzzy haze. The mist replaced everything around her. She could not feel the warmth of the room any more. It was replaced by a chilling emptiness. She reached for his arms, but they were not holding her any more. That comforting smile had faded away too.
Katrina blinked and she was not in his loving arms anymore. She was in a lonely room, smelling of beer, pot and several more questionable odours.
Her fingers were clutching something. The other end of that something was inside her forbidden depths. In her drug induced haze, she did not even care what she was fucking herself with. Her body raged in anger that her stupor had ended so soon and left her hanging.
Trent Harmon was at the other end of the bed watching her with a look of voyeuristic awe. His tattooed hand rested idly on his cock, spent from producing the cum stains in front of it.
"More..." she managed to croak out.
Trent was only too happy to give her another helping. She inhaled deeply, letting her mind wander back.
"Oh yes. Jake. Yes Yes Yes Yes OHHH YES!!"
* *
Jake Gallagher was very worried.
Ever since he had brought Emma over for dinner, he had noticed a distinct change in the way Katrina acted around him. The carefree banter was gone and even functional conversation seemed forced. She always seemed on edge in his presence.
Whenever he tried to bring up the topic, she deftly changed the conversation. Her passive aggressive deflection frustrated him, but he dared not pry deeper. Katrina's legendary temper kept him at bay.
Not to mention her sudden disappearance that night, and on the other nights since.
In the snatches of free time he got in the middle of his shift, his mind stayed firmly on her. He had been with her long enough to know something was up. The signs were ominous; she was heading for a hard landing. He needed to be prepared for it. He was her entire support system. A support system that was stretched to the limit whenever she crashed.
His office phone rang, interrupting his thoughts.
"Jake. We need those numbers from the latest Google audit, stat."
He sighed inwardly as his attention returned to the numbers on his screen.
His concerns would have to wait.
* *
Katrina lay on her back on the floor. The world looked unusually distorted to her. She tried to focus her attention on her next piece, but failed. She staggered to her feet. The canvas was largely empty, except for a few stray swipes of blue.
Her world was a blurry around the edges. She could not walk steadily. The effect of the drugs had not entirely passed. Her mind reeled and lurched against intangible forces. She took a few awkward steps and collapsed on the bed.
"Jake. Why don't you want to be with me? I will change. I promise," she cried into thin air.
She knew she had harboured feelings for him for a while. He would not reciprocate them, but her feelings did not abate. It kept growing. She forced them under wraps to protect him and she had it well covered. They hid neatly under the façade of easy roommate camaraderie.
But that had changed when Emma came over. All of a sudden, her failure to have Jake was flaunted right in her living room. On the couch, when she saw them get intimate. During dinner when she fondled him under the table. Later that night, when she...
"No."
Katrina banged her fist on the bed in frustration. The frustration was just as powerful as it had been two weeks ago. It raged inside her like a storm and kept her in its vice grip. When she closed her eyes, she saw them making out on the couch.
Those visions taunted her. Laughed at her.
Jake had chosen Emma. He had gone for a stable, attractive partner. Katrina felt all alone. All alone the dark, dingy world. Her pillar of support was surely going away from her.
"Don't leave me Jake," she sobbed. "Don't you see I have no one else?"
She continued imploring at nothing. Her hands clutched handfuls of the bedsheet and tugged at them tightly. A hopeless dread enveloped her.
She felt anger. Anger at herself.
She felt resentment. Resentment at the world.
She felt regret. Regret that she had not even tried to restrain her recklessness.
But most of all, she felt fear. Fear at how she would survive without Jake looking out for her.
The faint scars on her wrist reminded her of the last time she needed him. There were many more such instances when she needed the knight in shining armour who masqueraded as her boring roommate to save her.
Save her from herself.
The more Katrina thought about it, the more helpless she felt. Her life was unravelling faster than she could think. She clutched a paintbrush, her body moving purely on instinct and attacked the canvas with fury.
Lines and shapes she could not fathom appeared. It did not make sense, even to her, but her hands kept moving on autopilot. The outside world receded into insignificance. All she saw was her canvas.
Her arms ached by the time she finally put her brush down. She gasped for breath, exhausted at her frenzy. The effects of drug withdrawal were finally wearing off. It had unfortunately coincided with a mood swing, amplifying her depression.
The canvas itself said a simple story. A normal picture can say a thousand words they say, but this one said only three. It screamed out those three words in a geometric kaleidoscope of colours, set in a bizarre sequence. Yet the words were unambiguous. Emblazoned across the white were the simple words.
I HATE YOU
Her own art yelled back at her, a searing indictment to herself. Her self-esteem had reached a new nadir.
She looked at her watch. It was almost time for Jake to come back and she did not want him to see her this way. Quickly, she put a layer of white over the hateful message.
Her phone vibrated on her desk, getting her attention. It was a message from Trent, saying he had a fresh batch to share with her.
"Oh what's the use," she sighed inwardly, swimming in the futility of her situation. "I am too screwed up for him anyway."
Picking up her purse, she left.
* *
The feeling of shame remained as Katrina sat in the subway. She had a lot to feel ashamed about, but she wasn't brooding over her past decisions. That was too long a list to ponder over.
She was thinking about Jake. Thinking about how she had used him all these years. For the first time in a while, her thoughts had this clarity.
Jake meant a lot to her. That she was certain of, but had she treated him like she should have?
Seeing him with Emma showed her all the things she could have been. She should have been. But she was too selfish to be. She loved her crazy life and never even thought about changing herself. "Normal" was her boring.
She stopped brooding for some time to plug in her iPod. Idly scrolling through her playlist, she saw one of her favourites - "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Smiling wistfully, she turned it on and sank into her seat.
