You're Not a Serial Rapist

"Bill... Would you... would you," taking a deep breath, "Would you like to make love to our very dear friend... Valerie?"

My world came to a stop. I think even my hand stopped stroking her bare back.

I didn't say anything. Just tried to grasp what the love of

my

life had just asked me. Thoughts racing through my brain in a nanosecond.

'What?'

'Where did that come from?'

'Why?'

"Bill?"

Kathy's face was now inches from mine. Those soft blue gray eyes. A look of love and gentleness. Her voice soft.

"Kath... Where did

that

come from?" I softly asked.

She leaned in and lightly kissed my lips.

"Don't you know...? You're not supposed to answer a question with another question."

"I don't understand."

"It's a simple 'yes' or 'no' question. Asking for a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer," she softly said.

"I can't answer that, Kath. It's

not

a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer."

"Why?" her voice still soft and quiet.

Taking a moment, and taking a cleansing breath.

"I can't."

Her soft lips on mine. Her eyes making me melt into hers. I hate it when she makes me melt like that. Well, maybe not. But still...

"Would it help, if I told you that I already

know

the answer?" her lips on my cheek.

I just looked at her. Confused.

"You two love each other."

I started to say something. Kathy put her soft fingers against my lips.

"You two have loved each other for a long time. Before either of you even knew it. Before either of you wanted to acknowledge it.

Long

before you actually said the words to each other last winter, at the end of the quarter. You two have shared those heartfelt words many times since then.

"You held her, as she cried on your shoulder, after that day when she visited the Art Institutes. She thought you were mad at her for not including you in the whole idea of changing schools. That she was afraid of losing her two closest friends. I think that it hit her to the core. It was something she was determined to not let happen... no matter what.

"Valerie's been naked and in our bed a number of times. The first time we comforted her during that storm. The second time was the night she moved in with us and just wanted to be close to us. The time she cried on your shoulder as we comforted her after that 'asshole' of a date. And then when it got cold... I'm glad you didn't get her an electric blanket. And many other times."

There was a brief smile before turning serious again.

"You've held her bare body against yours many times. You have always been respectful and careful with her. Even when putting sun tan lotion on her front.

"So, why am I asking you now... if you'd like to make love to our best friend? Most women wouldn't even consider that... sharing

their

man with another woman... even a best friend."

I started to say something again. And again, Kathy pressed her soft fingers to my lips. And then kissed me.

"Before we go any further. Would you please answer my question?"

Rolling to my side so that we were both on our sides, looking deeply at each other. Kathy's hand gently stroking my cheek. Her cute little nipple peaking back at me. My hand gently stroking her cheek.

"Yes, Kath. I would like to make love to our very best friend.... Valerie," I whispered.

She leaned in and gently kissed me.

"See. That wasn't so difficult, was it? Besides, like I said, 'I already

knew

the answer'," her voice soft and gentle accompanied by a gentle smile.

She scooted in close and our lips met, before pulling her on top of me. The kiss went on... and on... and on.

"I love you, Kathy."

Kiss.

"I love

you

, Bill,... We'll talk about it some more. Think about it."

Kiss.

..........................................

Kathy said she wasn't going to say anything to Valerie until I was ready. However, I did start to look at Valerie differently. Kathy noticed immediately. There was always a tender smile when I looked back at her. Valerie didn't notice.

Loving someone and being 'In Love' with someone are two different emotions that I had never consciously thought of. I knew that I definitely loved Valerie. But, was I 'in love' with her? I definitely missed her when she was gone. But, not like I missed Kathy when

she

was gone, like before she moved in. With Kathy, it was an emptiness a loneliness. That part of my heart was missing and longing for her return.

I was not good at sorting through these types of emotions and feelings. I'm a guy.

I was reminded of a cartoon I saw comparing the control panels of what controlled a woman's emotions and what controlled a man's. The woman's control panel was filled with lights, buttons, switches, and dials. The man's... one switch... 'On'... 'Off'.

Thoughts and questions kept going through my head.

'What would our, as in all of OUR, feelings be toward each other afterwards?'

'Was it going to be just a 'one time' thing? Or would Valerie be joining us in our bed. Or would there be times when it was just Valerie and me? I knew that Kathy and I would always have

our

times together.

'What would I feel when I made love to Valerie?'

'How would I feel

after

I made love to Valerie?'

Most important, 'How would

Valerie

feel?'

I think

that

thought was

the

most troubling. There was nothing I would do that would ruin our friendship. Our closeness. Our trust. Kathy was obviously OK with the whole thing, as it was her that brought it up. But, why? I couldn't do this until I understood the real 'Why'.

I knew that if I told Kathy that I couldn't do it. That she would let it pass. So, there was no pressure.

.......................................

A couple of nights later, I said to Kathy, "Let's go to bed."

My smile was soft. She knew it was a 'let's talk some more' smile. Non-verbal communication.

We said 'good night' to Valerie. She gave us a sly grin, figuring we were off for some 'lover's play-time', as it was still early.

We quietly got ready for bed: short shower together, teeth brushed... all that stuff.

Kathy draped her warm body over mine and waited. She knew to let me lead at my own pace. My hand gently stroking her smooth back.

The feeling of her warm soft bare breast against my side. The soft patch of pubic hair against my thigh. The scent of the body wash that I had used on her body a few minutes ago were all very comforting and drew me into her. I kissed the top of her head. She leaned up, kissed my cheek, then comfortably rested her head on my shoulder with her hand on my chest and waited.

"Kath. When I first asked you 'why', you went on and talked about the connection that Valerie and I share. How everybody has seen it. How much Valerie and I already love each other. Which are all very true. But, it didn't answer the

real

question, of 'Why?'"

"I kind of thought that would be where you would go," She knew me so well.

"I'm glad to see that you've been seriously thinking about it. Over the last couple of days, I could tell you were. I could tell that you were looking at Valerie differently. I can't describe how

much

differently. Just differently. Like you were looking at her as more than a very good, and close friend. Deeper than that. And that's fine. What we are talking about here is something that is very personal... very intimate. Let me see if I can help. Tell you what's on my mind about Valerie and you.

"You

know

that she has never been with a guy. I think she's let you do more with her than she had with even that looser of an ex-boyfriend. And that's being kind."

"Yeah. I kind of figured that."

"A girl only has a 'first time' once. Every girl dreams that her first time will be something to be remembered. To remember that it was warm, tender, and loving. Not many girls get to experience their first time like that... not even me," her voice lowering to a soft whisper and almost cracking. I held her tighter. Once again, I wanted to kill that asshole.

"If the guy is as inexperienced as the girl, they'll fumble through it, and it's over in two minutes, or less. The girl laying there and wondering, 'what just happened?'. Wondering if

that's

it? Possibly feeling 'used'.

"The guy laying there, after just getting his rocks off. If the guy is just out for a 'conquest' then the girl feels cheap, like she's been used and discarded. I've known a few girls where that's happened. It affected them deeply, and for a long time.

"Bill. Valerie, our friend, deserves better than that. She

deserves

to be 'made love' to, for her first time. From a guy that loves her. From a guy that will treat her with love, respect, and caring.... A guy like you... her friend... her very

dear

friend."

"But Kath, she's put up so many 'not-to-be-crossed lines' I don't know that she would want to go there with me. To take our relationship to the next level. To become more than best friends."

"What level would that be?" Kathy's voice still soft and comforting.

"Lovers."

"She would. I'll talk about that in a minute.

"But there's more. After her bad experience on that 'date' a few weeks ago, she's been

really

doubting herself. Wondering how she got drawn into that whole thing. How she totally misread that creep. I mean she came to our bed that night, cried on our shoulders, poured her heart out, and then slept comfortably and peacefully between us. She felt

safe

. Knowing that her friends were right there... protecting her. That we both loved her. That we were there for her when she so

desperately

needed us. That

we

would do

anything

for her. She needs to be loved. Emotionally... and, yes, Physically."

"I thought that was all past."

"That's the front she puts on. I know better."

"You've talked to her?"

"A bit. She's scared to go out again. This is so different than when we were in school. In school, things were casual and fun, nothing serious. Now, there are guys out there interested in only one thing. To put another notch on their bedpost, not to say there weren't those kind of guys in school, it just seemed so aggressive now. I mean, look what almost happened to Alex. Valerie needs to have someone," looking up at me, "to show her that not all guys are like that. To show her that

she

is special and deserves better."

"Wow," taking a deep breath, "I had

no

idea she was dealing with all of that."

"There's one more thing. Remember that ex-asshole fiancée of hers, telling her that she was frigid?"

"Yeah. I remember. She told me about that. I couldn't believe that someone, in that kind of relationship would say that to the other."

"Or that time in her apartment, doing that second nude sketch of us. When she was done, she came around to show it us... and she was totally nude. She watched as you looked at her... at all of her, for the first time. I put your hand on her stomach and asked if she wanted you to touch her. I knew that part of her wanted you to. But, she wasn't sure. I knew you were excited at the prospect... you were still inside of me," I heard the grin.

"She knew it too. Then she apologized for getting you all worked up and not wanting you to go further. Asked that you not think of her as a tease.

"I don't think it was because of any line being crossed. I mean, I was there. It was different than when you guys had messed around before you met me.

Then

, she had lines, probably as much for her as for you. To keep you two from getting too serious. To keep everything on a fun and 'friends' level.

We've

talked about this. You never pushed her. Respected her every wish. Stayed with her as her friend. That the only thing you wanted from her was her friendship.

"I've watched as her boundaries with you have shrunken. From crawling into our bed with us. To letting you see her... all of her. Watching her touch you. Pressing her bare body against yours. I think she's ready for all of her lines to be discarded."

Taking a deep breath, I started.

"I remember that time out back. The afternoon she was going to go back home at the end of her visit. All of us sun-bathing in the nude. You told her to put sun lotion all over my dick and balls. She was stroking me to the point of cumming. That you told her to finish me. She stopped. Not sure if she wanted... or could go there. I knew what she was thinking. I remember reassuring her that if she didn't want to, that she wasn't a tease. That she was my friend."

"I remember that too. I also remember that she asked you if you wanted her to do it. Then you told her that it was

her

choice. When she said that didn't answer her question... You said 'Yes'. She smiled. You two kissed. And then, grinned and asked what to do. It was a cute exchange.

"I'm afraid that if she

does

meet some guy, he'll push. And if he doesn't get what he wants will move on, and leave our friend hurt. That she will, again, think that it's because she's frigid. I know that,

if

, you guys get together, and she wants to stop. That you would have no problem. If she just wanted you to hold her, you'd be fine. Letting her go at her own pace."

"Thanks Kath," kissing the top of her head, "That helps... helps a lot. But, I've got some concerns."

"What's bothering you, my love? Talk to me. You know you can talk to me about anything," as she kissed my cheek and moved closer.

"I know. That's why we go together so well. We can talk to each other about anything."

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts.

"I'm concerned about what

it

will do to our relationships...

all

of our relationships."

"Those are good concerns. Let's take the easy one first... US.

Nothing,

absolutely

nothing

can, or will,

ever

come between us. We are so

made

for each other. We already respect, trust, are devoted, and love each other. Our hearts and souls belong to each other. That's not going to change.

Nothing

is going to change that.

"The relationship between Valerie and me. I don't see anything changing there. We are, and have been, close friends. I think this will bring us closer. After all, I'm sharing the most precious part of my life with her. She may be reluctant to accept, fearing that it will damage

our

relationship. But, like I just said, 'we are so made for each other', and she knows it.

"So, that leaves the relationship between you two. You two already respect and love each other. Making love to, and with, another person is very deep and emotional. I know that afterward, you two will feel

more

connected. It can't be helped. You can't be as close as a couple can get, physically and emotionally, without it affecting you, and I'm fine with that. Don't try to ignore your feelings for her. Don't try to hide those feelings, even from me. I know you too well. Enjoy the closeness. Someday she

will

find that special someone. Then he'll have to share... not completely; but, you know what I mean."

"Kath, what I am really concerned about if that, what if someway, somehow, one, or both of us might get hurt. I couldn't live with myself if I caused her any pain, if she got her heart broken. She means too much to me. Our friendship means too much to me to want to risk it."

"I know what you're saying. Like I said earlier, what we are talking about is something very intimate, very personal. You can't have such an intimate exchange without getting closer. Are you afraid that she will fall in love with you? Are you afraid you will fall in love with her?"

"I don't know. Definitely a No on that last one.

You

are the only one in my life," kiss her forehead, "Maybe a Yes on that first one. What if she does fall in love with me?"

"Bill, she knows that you are mine and are totally devoted to me. If you do decide to do this with Valerie, it's like I said a few minutes ago, don't hide your feelings for her from her. I think

that

would hurt her more than anything. She'll want to know that you still love her, which I know you do, and always will."

I was quiet as I held Kathy tight and listened to her breathe. Waiting for what I was going to say next.

"Talk to her."

I got a warm and lingering kiss.

"I love you. I love it that you took your time. That you thought this through. That your main concern was how it would affect the three of us and mostly that you didn't want her to get hurt. That you talked to me about everything. That you were open and honest. I know that if you said you couldn't, for whatever reason, that you knew I would let it go. When I talk to her, I'll talk to her about your concerns, especially the last one. I think it's something for her to decide, if she wants to risk putting her heart out there, further."

"I love you."

For the next two hours, we made slow and gentle love, with the door closed, as we reaffirmed our undying and devoted love for each other.

..................................................

Kathy left me to my own late Saturday morning. They were going 'shopping'. Non-verbal 'code speak' for 'I'm going to talk to her'.

It was the first of March. Still too chilly outside to do anything; but, warm enough to grill. I had a meal forming in my head. Then, Kathy and I were going to spend some more quality 'loving' time in our room... maybe with the door open. I had a couple of things that I thought she would have fun with. That we would have fun with.

The whole afternoon, thoughts of their 'conversation' going through my head.

'What would Valerie's first reaction be?'

'Would Kathy lay out the three things she had laid out to me?'

'What would Valerie's final decision be?'

........................................

Valerie, not being a subtle person, leaped into my arms, wrapped her legs around my waist, and buried her face into my shoulder. I held her tight as I felt her softly sob. Kathy watching he whole thing from the doorway, with a contented smile. The answer to my last question was 'crystal clear'.

Pulling back, I looked into her sparkling eyes, beaming smile, and tear streaked face.

"I love you sooo much Bill."

"I love you Valerie."

Over a dinner of grilled barbequed half chickens, baked potatoes, and a green salad.

They

laid out 'our' night. I sat back and listened.

It was going to be a 'date' night.

Next Saturday night, I would take Valerie to the little Italian restaurant that Kathy and I liked. It was quiet and romantic, with really good food. Then some dancing. Returning, we would take a shower together. Our first shower together. Then retire to Valerie's room. Not to emerge until morning, if then.

The whole time Valerie's face beamed. I had never seen her so thrilled. I didn't detect a hint of nervousness; but, next Saturday was seven days away. I'm sure the nerves would set in toward the end of the week. What was so cute about it, was that it was obvious that the two of them had put this whole scenario together.

........................................

I closed our door. We rarely closed our door, perhaps it was a carryover from summer, when we left our doors open for circulation. This was going to be a private time... our time. Kathy's eye's sparkling in anticipation. I held the most precious gift of my life in my arms, and just looked deep into those soft blue gray eyes.

"You're so beautiful," I got a little of a coy embarrassed smile. I loved it.

"You closed the door," her voice soft.

"Yes."

"You going to do something

naughty

to me?" her playful smile adorning her face. Kathy's arms resting on my shoulders. Our faces inches apart.

"Maybe," my lips meeting hers, "Would you like me to do something naughty to you?"