Mickie's POV
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I look over to my right and see the numbers on the alarm clock on the bedside table flashing to signal that it is 7:30am time for me to get up when the in point of fact I have been up for hours..........Ok that's a lie the fact of the matter is I have been awake all night.
I haven't managed to get one wink of sleep. All I have been doing since I first got into this bed is thinking about..........well basically everything.
Everything that has happened ever since me and her first met..........everything that has happened ever since we first "got together"..........or as she calls it started having "fun" together. An everything that has happened ever since she left the company.
I slowly reach over and turn the alarm clock off due to the bleeping having started to get on my nerves after flicking the switch on the top part of the alarm clock from on to off the bleeping stops and the numbers stop flashing.
Once the alarm clock has been shut off I return to staring up at the ceiling.
You know I can still remember the first day I met her like it was yesterday instead of it being almost a year ago.
October 10th 2005..........the day I debuted on RAW and begun what would become my first rivalry. I can remember the whole day I was..........well basically I was like my character I was full of excitement and adrenaline I couldn't wait to debut..........I mean can you blame me?
How many people get to not only debut on the longest running wrestling television show but also start their career working with and eventually against the No.1 diva in the No.1 wrestling company in America?
It's kinda funny actually because all day I was like my character and then when it was time to go on I became very serious and "acted" the way I had been all day.
Me and her hit it off right away though.
I can remember she sat down with me at lunch and we talked she asked me about my life before I joined the company and she seemed really interested. I can remember telling her how happy I was that I was getting the gimmick that I was getting because I was a huge fan of her's and that I didn't idolize her but she certainly did inspire me and that I did hope that I could be just as successful as she had been.
An then she said something which I will never forget.
She told me that I would.
Part of me still thinks she was just saying that to be nice and yet I can remember looking into her eyes and seeing no sign of a lie even if she was just saying that I was sure that if she was lying even if it was just to be nice I would have been able to tell due to me having always been able to tell when somebody is lying to me by looking them in the eye and yet there was no lie in her eye.
An so our storyline got underway and me and her spent a lot of time together not just at house shows or RAW but we spent all of our time together and it wasn't like my character I didn't hassle her to spend time together in point of fact it was very much the other way around she..........I don't want to say hassled me but she would call me or text me and ask me what I was doing and when I told her nothing she would ask me if I wanted to spend the day with her.
Of course I jumped at the chance.
Not because I thought if I spent time with her it would help me further my career I mean come on I was working for the No.1 company in America with/against the No.1 female wrestler in the company how on earth could I improve on that?
I simply spent time with her because I enjoyed spending time with her.
Sometimes we'd go window shopping or actual shopping.
Sometimes we'd go out to eat.
Sometimes we'd go out to the cinema together.
Sometimes we'd go out drinking together.
Hell sometimes we'd just stay in either my hotel room or her's order room service and watch TV and chat.
No matter what we did we had fun.
That was until the onscreen kiss under the mistletoe..........after that everything changed.
The weird thing is it wasn't a drastic change..........like after that night that we kissed onscreen we stopped spending time together. We still spent time together and done everything we did before it's just ..........the mood was different neither of us talked about it at first we both tried to ignore it and act "normal" I guess you could say act the way we did before the onscreen kiss.
Eventually though the change and the not talking about it became too much for her and so the night after she defeated me to retain her title we met up on neutral territory for the first time but not the last. An both said how we felt and her being the type of woman that she was and is she allowed me to go first and so I did.
I told her that I really valued her friendship and that until we kissed I never saw her as anything other than my friend which..........if I am honest was a lie I mean I never told her I was a lesbian not because I was ashamed of my sexuality the subject never came up however leaving aside the fact that I was and am a lesbian even if I wasn't a lesbian I don't think any woman gay straight or bi could deny how beautiful she is.
I went on to tell her that after the kiss I started to see her in a new light..........which was kinda the truth I had from day one saw Trish as a sexually attractive women I just never thought or imagined or even dreamed about us being together sexually until after the kiss..........after the kiss I did start thinking imagining and dreaming about us sexually and I told her all of this.
I also pointed out that I would never ever make a move on her due to the fact that despite how much I may have wanted to and I did. I didn't want to loose her and I didn't.
Much to my surprise and delight she told me the same thing and once she had finished talking there was an uncomfortable silence between us which I broke by asking her where we went from there and she nervously told me or rather asked me if I wanted to kiss her and I told her that I did which again was the truth and so she told me to which I did and..........well let's just say one thing led to another and leave it there.
Things pretty much went back to the way they where before the onscreen kiss except now me and her where as she put it having "fun" together however I personally considered what we where doing to be "making love" or "having sex"
I think to begin with I considered what we did to be us "having sex" however it eventually changed from us "having sex" to us "making love"
I can remember just before we did it the first time she said how she didn't want this to change things between us..........I realise now how stupid that line is because whenever you go past being a friend and become intimate things between you immediately change weather you realise it or not.
I don't think either of us realised that things had changed between us then again maybe we did and we just did our best to ignore the fact that things had changed like we tried to ignore the fact that things had changed after the onscreen kiss.
By the time Wrestlemania arrived..........I knew I couldn't ignore how I felt anymore and so after our match she came to my locker room to congratulate me and I told her we needed to talk and so we once again met on neutral ground and I told her that I knew or rather I remembered what she said about how she didn't want what we where doing..........us having "fun" to change our friendship however I told her that us having "fun" had changed our friendship because I no longer had the type of feelings that one friend has for another..........I told her that my feelings where now the type of feelings that a man has for woman or a gay man has for another gay man or a gay woman has for another gay woman.
I can remember saying that the whole "that a man has for woman or a gay man has for another gay man or a gay woman has for another gay woman." Line.
I can also remember her laughing in my face and saying or rather telling me not to be stupid or as she put it silly. She then told me I couldn't have the type of feelings for her that a gay woman has for another gay woman because I wasn't gay.
That is when I came out to her that I was gay and that I have those types of feelings for her..........She immediately interrupted me by telling me that I may have wanted her but she didn't want me and that she wasn't gay and with that she got up and left and from Wrestlemania to Backlash she didn't talk to me wouldn't respond to my texts wouldn't pick up the phone when I called her and couldn't stand to be around me when we where at work.
Whenever I tried to approach her to try and talk to her she would always put an obstacle in my way weather that is her going up to somebody be it a backstage worker or another female or even a male wrestler sometimes if I entered a room she would leave it.
The day before Backlash she finally answered one of my phone calls and invited me to meet her on "neutral" ground because she had something she wanted to say to me.
An so I met her on "neutral" ground and she told me that she was sorry about how she reacted to what I had to say and that it took her by surprise me coming out to her and everything and that part of the reason why she had been avoiding me and not answering my texts and calls etc was because she needed time to get her head straight and now she had.
She then told me that she appreciated how I felt however she made it quite clear that she didn't feel the same way back she told me that she did care about me but she didn't care for me in that way.
She then went on to say that she enjoyed us doing what we had been doing and that she was willing for us to continue having "fun" however that was all it was to her and all it would ever be.
I don't know why..........to this day I don't know why I agreed to her terms but I did and somehow I managed to go on having "fun" with her although I never considered what we did together as us having "fun"
I always considered it making love maybe not her making love to me but defiantly me making love to her.
An so from Backlash until September 11th 2006 life returned..........I guess you could say it returned to normal except for the fact that I hated when me and her had "fun" together and yet at the same time I loved it when me and her had "fun" together or when she had "fun" with me and I made love to her.
Somewhere in between Backlash and September 11th 2006 she told me that she was both retiring from wrestling and that she was going to marry her boyfriend and high school sweetheart of fourteen years.
On 11th September she had her final match on RAW against me and that night me and her where together for the last time it was also the night that I asked her..........and I don't know why I did this but.......... I asked her if that night was the end of me and her having "fun" and she told me that it wasn't.
She said that we could still have "fun" but that we would only be able to have "fun" when the WWE was in her hometown of Toronto.
That was also the night that she asked me if I would be one of her bridesmaids..........again I don't know why but I actually said yes.
An so here I am.
In Toronto Ontario Canada in this lovely five star hotel room hours away from seeing the woman that I love walk down the isle to marry her boyfriend and high school sweetheart.
