Again my apologies as computer trouble has allowed me limited access.
Again I thank the large and lovely ladies who fuel my imagination and make writing these stories so... satisfying.
I enjoy hearing from you, so keep the fan mail coming. Thanks to those who have sent pictures but please keep in mind that I do not open attachments. Pictures must be inserted into the e-mail body.
Hope you enjoy and that you think of me fondly as you do!!
PART 1
Fourteen inches of freshly fallen snow up in the mountains, and I was totally prepared for a week-end of cruising and schussing the slopes. Not to mention the lodge bar after a long day. Come to think of it, the night life, after a day of skiing, was just what the doctor ordered.
I spent all week perusing the ski shops ensuring that my gear was top notch. I was sparing no expense. I was going to own the slopes.
PART 2
Probably the first inkling that my skiing career was going to be short-lived was when the instructor advised me that I was going to be assigned to "Lollipop Run." I guess asking which ski pole was the right one, and which the left, caused him some concern.
After about thirty minutes of basic instruction, predominately how to "snow-plow" and the correct way to fall, the instructor cut me loose.
No sweat. A few minutes with the kids and I knew I'd be ready to tackle "The Bowl." I think I even pictured myself ski jumping for the National team. I even wondered who would do the interview on TV.
Thirty seconds into my inaugural run I found out some very interesting things about snow and skiing.
ONE. When you stand on snow in boots, snow is not very slippery. When you stand on snow in skis, it is VERY slippery.
TWO. You should never ski straight down the slope. If you ski straight down the slope, you build up A LOT of speed.
THREE. If you build up too much speed, and you've lost control, just fall over. DON'T try to ride it out.
Shortly after my thirty seconds of terror on the slopes, I learned an extremely interesting skier's term.
Interestingly enough, when a skier wipes out so badly that his hat, skis, poles, gloves, goggles, and most of his self-respect, is left strewn over a 200 yard area, skier's call it a "yard sale."
I had, what was described by some in the ski patrol as, a "yard and garage sale rolled into one." One guy told me it was the most spectacular wipeout he'd ever witnessed. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he'd seen his share of wipe-outs, and that he was honestly impressed. I was so proud. Sheesh!!
PART 3
So here I was, later on in the day, back at the lodge.
The crackling fire wasn't helping my spirits at all. Other than a veritable plethora of bumps and bruises, I had escaped my disaster virtually unharmed.
I was nursing a nice single malt scotch, and was wondering how much I could recoup on slightly used ski equipment in a resale shop, when I heard a voice off to my right.
"Hi Mr. Stone," a voice said. "I thought you might like some company."
I turned and saw the snot-nosed kid from the ski patrol wheeling a woman in her early-40's towards me, in a wheelchair.
Earlier the kid had given me, unsolicited and unwanted, instruction on how to fall on skis. I had wanted to give him instruction on how to fornicate with himself, but I'd held my tongue.
As for the woman, two things jumped out at me immediately. (No pun intended.)
The first was the immobilizing brace on the woman's right foot. The other was the look of utter disgust on her face. It was the same look I'd had on mine when I first arrived back at the lodge.
"Lollipop Run is taking 'em out right and left today," snot-nose chuckled.
My first thought was to leave nothing but smoke and rubble but I realized that it was just a kid without a lick of sense, and no skills at personal interaction.
The look on his face said, "Look into something a little safer next time like...checkers or solitaire."
I couldn't even see the kid as he spoke. I was picturing a pair of smoking ski boots where he stood. He must have been able to read my mind as, when my eyes locked on his, the "better-than-thou" smirk quickly dissipated.
He quickly pushed the woman over so that she sat directly across from me.
"Mr. Stone, this is Mrs. Walker. Mrs. Walker, Mr. Stone. I'm really sorry about your accidents. (Too little, too late.) If you need anything, the lodge staff will be glad to help you."
I noted a slight hint of a smile as snot-nose got ready to leave.
"Thank you and good luck," the woman said sweetly.
"Break a leg," I said in not as sweet a tone. I wasn't wishing him "good luck" like a stage performer. At that moment I was hoping he really would break a leg. Snot-nose got the message.
Finally, satisfied to see the smile completely disappear, I said "Thanks."
The kid quickly walked away.
PART 4
"You were a little hard on him don't you think?" the woman asked.
The tone of her voice, and the question she asked, told me volumes about her. I had no doubt that she was a kind and caring person, but there was still a slight edge to her voice that said, "Thanks. He deserved that."
"No," I said with a slight chuckle. "He's young. He'll get over it. Besides, if his personality doesn't change he's destined to hear far worse."