I am listening to his latest CD whilst I write this short piece. As per usual, there are a couple of tracks that I already love, a few that I very much like and a couple that I care less about. When I listen to his music sitting in my own home it is difficult to equate what I am hearing to this man that I know so well. He is just a man after all. One I happen to like.
I let my mind drift. It is pleasant to reminisce from time to time. Life is normally so busy and it is nice to have some free time. Our love affair is long over, but every now and again if he is playing nearby I go and see him perform. There were no hard feelings or bitterness. It could never have lasted or gone anywhere, and he is often away all over the world touring. He is my friend still. For this I am grateful.
I close my eyes and cast my mind back over the last ten days or so...
A concert
I stand through the first half. One disadvantage of being on the guest list is that if the show is a sell-out I have to just sort of find somewhere to stand and blend-in if it is a seated event. A couple of other people are standing with me. An older man stands to my right and a boy who looks barely out of his teens to my left. They both look utterly absorbed in the music, and smile at intervals. I am also listening intently watching this talented man perform, shaking my head when between tracks he says something risquΓ© or funny. I have heard many of his jokes before.
We had a meal before the concert, caught-up on each other's lives and general news. I still think he is cute. I am not entirely sure why this is, but chemistry it would seem is the only way to explain this. I was initially just physically drawn to him and wanted to explore every part of his body with my tongue and lips. I know he still finds me attractive too. He tells me I am beautiful and always has. I have the ability to drive him wild, make him breathless and make him cry out. He has the ability to make me wet by just looking at me with lust in his eyes. This has never gone away, but the desperate urge to be with him and speak to him every day has long gone. I guess I have moved on and become more confident in myself over time. Again, I smile as I listen to the music.
I take a short stroll at half-time. There will be people wanting to talk to him. I will get to talk to him again later. I chat with a couple of concert-goers outside whilst having a furtive cigarette. It is cold outside and a relief to come indoors once more for the second half.
To my delight, a seat has been vacated and so I get to watch the second half in comfort. I don't like to admit to anyone that my back aches if I stand still for too long. I am a slender lady with long legs and long hair. No-one ever believes me if I say I get occasional aches and pains as I look fit and well. I am not a complainer by nature anyway, but sigh with pleasure as I sink into my seat.
I have never been to a concert of his where the audience have not demanded more at the end of a set. Predictably he is cheered back onto the stage for a final number. It has been a good evening and people have very much enjoyed themselves.
I stroll once more as I will have to wait for him to give me a lift back to my car which is a few miles away. He will be ages signing CD's and I do not wish to get in the way. A man comes up to me and seems to want to chat a little. He introduces himself and seems perfectly nice, intelligent, interesting to talk to, but sadly not attractive. I realise it is nearly time to leave and say goodbye to this man. He looks a little disappointed.
Time to go home
I climb into the passenger seat beside my friend and put my seatbelt on. He turns the car around, and our short journey begins. His left hand settles on my right thigh. This is the norm for him to do this, and I do not read anything into it. He is a big tall man and I am small and slim. Somehow this endearing gesture of protection and maybe possession just for a short car journey is fine by me. I feel safe, and we continue to discuss the concert with ease and enjoyment.
I gasp momentarily as his hand slides up my thigh and just brushes my crotch over my jeans. The hand is almost immediately back in its original position. Did I imagine this nifty manoeuvre? For a big man, he often moves very quietly and nimbly. I look up at him. His face is impassive, focussed on the road and the drive. A face exuding nothing but complete innocence.