Nobody would ever believe what's been happening to me to me in the last few days. I hardly believe it myself. It's the kind of thing you only read about in porno magazines. But this is actually happening! To
ME
! How could I ever be so lucky?! The girl sitting across the table from me could be a supermodel and she's talking to
ME
!
It all started last week. I just bought myself a new leather and fur jacket. It's a really nice one. It's got black lambskin on the outside, it's lined with mink on the inside and it's reversible. The fur is super soft. The leather is like butter. It's as warm as you could ever want a jacket to be. It's masculine and stylish at the same time. It set me back quite a few clams but it's a beauty! Worth every penny!
I've been wearing it around town for a several days but with the fur on the inside. This is a very liberal town. There are a lot of anti-fur activists floating around. I didn't want to stir up trouble, at first, but I finally thought, "To hell with it! This is supposed to be a free country!" I flipped it around. I'd only been wearing it like that for a day when everything started.
I was walking down Tremont Street when three women, walking together, caught my eye. They were walking down the other side of the street in the opposite direction. One was a tall, blonde with long hair. She was wearing a mini skirt and a sweater. Even from across the street, I could tell she was a hottie! A mini skirt in this weather? Her legs must be freezing! I thought to myself, "I wouldn't mind keeping you warm, honey!" The second was a brunette. She was wearing a heavy parka. Her hair was shorter. Just above shoulder length. But I imagined she looked just as hot as the blonde girl, underneath those heavy winter clothes. The third girl -- If you could call her a girl. -- looked like a short, frumpy bull-dyke. She was wearing the whole get-up. She wore an army jacket and fatigues. She had all the requisite facial piercings. Her hair was cut short. She was a real poser! What was she doing, walking around with two good-looking chicks like those?
The three of them crossed the street in the middle of the block and caught up to me from behind. I heard one of them shout some lame-ass platitude. The bull-dyke tried to grab me by the arm. I turned around and took her by the right wrist. I spun her around backwards by the arm, pinned her wrist to the middle of her back and jacked her up against the wall. The blonde girl tried to come to her defense but I easily pushed her aside with my free hand. I heard something metallic hit the pavement. I looked down to see a can of red spray paint on the ground at my feet. I kicked it away. It rolled into the gutter.
The blonde girl stood there, dumbfounded. The brunette grabbed her by the sleeve.
"C'Mon! Let's get outta' here!"
They bolted down the street, out of sight in seconds flat. I turned my attention to the one I had pinned up against the wall.
"What the fuck do you think you're trying to pull?!"
She shouted some anti-fur garbage and called me a few choice names.
"I don't give a damn about you or your opinions! Stay the fuck away from me! You hear?!"
She struggled but she was no match for my 6-foot, 250 pound frame. I jacked her arm up a little higher just to make that point perfectly clear.
"Yes..." she said in a low voice.
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, sir."
"I can't hear you!"
"Yes, SIR!"
"That's more like it!"
I kept the pressure on and twisted her wrist just a bit. I had to hand it to her. She was taking quite a bit of pain! She gritted her teeth but hardly let out a grunt.
"I'm going to give you a break, this time!" I paused for effect then continued. "If we
EVER
meet up again, I'll break your fuckin' arm! Got it?"
"Yes, sir!"
"If you see me coming the other way, you'd best cross to the other side of the street! Y'Hear?"
She nodded and grumbled a little bit. The pain was getting to her.
"If you try to pull anything like that again, all your friends will be calling you 'Lefty' for the rest of your life!
By that time, a crowd was beginning to gather. I knew the cops would be on their way any minute. I pulled her away from the wall turned her sideways and gave her a hard push. She tripped and fell to the pavement, landing on her hands and knees. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to kick her, right square in the ass! She went down like a ton of shit! I laughed.
"Get the fuck out of here!" I shouted.
She scrambled to her feet and started to make her getaway. She looked down and saw the spray can, lying up against the curb.
"Leave it!" I commanded.
The dyke ran off without even looking over her shoulder. I picked up the spray paint and threw it in the trash can.
"I need a beer..." I thought to myself. I turned the corner and headed down the street to "The Cornerstone", one of my favorite watering holes.
The place was practically empty. I bypassed my usual spot at the bar and found a table in a secluded corner. After that incident, I didn't need any more excitement! The waitress came over. I ordered a pint of my usual. She brought it over. I paid her in cash and gave her a nice tip on the spot. I sat there quietly, just nursing my beer.
I had almost finished my second drink when
she
walked in. It was the blond girl, wearing the mini skirt! She stood in the doorway, shaking off the cold and looking around the room. She saw me, walked right over and sat down across from me.
"What do
you
want?" I barked. "Are you still trying to make trouble with me?"
"I just came in to get out of the cold." she said. "I didn't know you were here. I just came over to apologize."
Her expression was sincere. I couldn't stay mad at a girl like that for very long.
"Apology accepted..."
I've always been a sucker for a pretty face.
"...Have a beer with me?"
She nodded.
I caught the waitress's attention and made the universal sign for "Two beers.", pointing to myself and at my new companion at the table. The drinks arrive in two minutes flat. Tipping has its benefits!
The waitress checked the girl's I.D. When she passed it back, I intercepted.
"Twenty two years old. She's legal." I joked as I handed the card back to her.
"So, what's up with you and that dyke bitch you were with?"
"You didn't hurt her. Did you?"
"No, I let her go. But, you'd better warn her to steer clear of me. I don't like to hit girls but, if she tries to start up with me again, she's going to get hurt!"
"Oh, Heather? She's always acting out. But, that was the first time she ever did anything like that. I didn't even know what she was up to, at first."
"The next time she pulls crap like that, could be her last!"
The expression on her face told me she didn't know what I was talking about. I took her hand and pulled it across the table towards me. I pressed it up against my ribs. She felt the bulge of my pistol in the inside pocket of my jacket.
"Missy! You and your friends could have found yourselves in real trouble, out there!"
Her face went white. I thought my gun scared her, at first, but when she wiggled her fingers in my fur jacket, I knew what she was thinking.
"You like fur?"
"No! Fur is murder!"
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks!" She didn't get the reference.
"The bible says, 'Thou shall not kill.'"
"Has your dyke friend been teaching you scripture?!"
The girl nodded and tried to regurgitate some other lame, misused Bible quotes.
I pounced on her. "I'll see your Ten Commandments and raise you
Genesis -- Chapter Nine -- Verse Three
. "
She stopped dead in her tracks but I kept going.
"Ever read the Koran?" I paused. "
Sura -- Chapter Sixteen -- Verse Five
Her expression showed frustration but I could tell she was trying to counter with something. I decided to cut her off at the knees.
"My scripture teacher comes from Harvard Divinity! She's forgotten more about the Bible that you have ever known! Don't try to play those bullshit games with me! I'll bury you!"
She realized she was beaten on the rhetorical front.