Dreams of Jeanie. Her smile. She laughs, her teeth and eyes sparkle with a blinding radiance. She leans in to kiss me. Her lips are soft. She smells sweet. She covers me, smothering me. She's warm, light, gentle. She's naked. I kiss her skin everywhere. We roll tangled together. Kisses soft and wet and desperate. I'm above her, I'm pressed against her, I'm inside her. I ache for her. She's perfect and I can't get enough of her. I long for her even having her, as though my heart knows this moment is fleeting. A pang of guilt and a wave of panicked euphoria, grasping sand slipping through my fingers. Sweeping desperation and my heart races...
My alarm clock went off just 20 minutes before I had to be at work, rousing me from a bittersweet, erotic dream. I wanted to give myself the maximum amount of sleep I could, knowing I'd be tired. The previous night had drained all my energy. It was beautiful, wonderful, unforgettable, but when I'd come home to my bed I had realized just how exhausted I was.
Jeanie had taken every ounce of energy I'd had. We'd made love. Now, the next morning, having wakened suddenly after a dream both beautiful yet heartbreaking, I rolled over to silence my alarm and shook off the cobwebs. Once the thick confusion between sleep and waking wore off, I finally smiled to myself, remembering the previous night.
I'd made love to Jeanie, my best friend's sister. I shook my head remembering it in disbelief. It had been passionate, surprising, and pure, and it made my heart happy. I dragged myself begrudgingly out of bed and limped to the bathroom in my boxers. Just as I was opening the bathroom door, my sister Jocelyn appeared in her bedroom doorway looking every bit as exhausted as I was. Her hair, done up elegantly the night before, was now hanging wild and bedraggled. She wore a little white camisole and a pair of light blue boy shorts.
I stopped at the door to the bathroom and shot her a look. She looked way too sexy; just what had she been up to last night? It was her prom night too, and I wondered what the hell had gone down with her after we left the party.
Before I could say anything she chimed in. "C'moooonnnn! Hogging the bathroom again?" She rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"Yeah, I gotta go to work," I shot back. "Just gimme five minutes."
She groaned in annoyance and turned and closed her door. I'd deal with that situation later, I thought. I closed the bathroom door, showered and brushed my teeth as quickly as I could. I dressed in a hurry and ran out the door, arriving at work just two minutes before my shift started.
I was glad to be working that day. Thoughts of Jeanie played in my mind on a continuous loop. I smiled inwardly every time I pictured her sweet face in my mind, smiling or laughing. And a swirl of desire would jump up inside me when I pictured her in that hotel room, the moonlight bathing her naked body in a pale blue glow. I'd see her beneath me, her arms pulling me down into her, her legs wrapped around me. Or I'd see her above me, her back arching in ecstasy, breasts heaving, her little nipples taut and erect.
Throughout the day I had to shake these thoughts out of my mind in order to concentrate on my waiting job. It certainly wasn't easy. I had Jeanie in my blood now; I was addicted.
But there was another thought that kept spinning into my mind, try as I might to suppress it. I pictured Tony, Jeanie's older brother and my best friend, pissed off and ready to kick my ass. I had promised him not to touch his sister and I had broken that promise. How the hell was I going to deal with that?
I wanted to believe that he had no right to be pissed at me. That Jeanie was her own woman and could make her own decisions. But that was bullshit and I knew it. Not that Jeanie wasn't capable of making her own decisions; she certainly was. But I had definitely broken a sacred bond between buddies, and there could be no denying that. I pictured Jocelyn in my head, standing in her bedroom doorway half naked earlier. She was a beautiful girl, just like Jeanie. What if Tony had done to her last night what I had done with Jeanie? Would I be pissed?
Yeah, I had to admit to myself that I would be. Every time I thought about it a little flame of anger would leap up inside me. So how could I possibly be upset at Tony if he was going to be angry about Jeanie and me?
In my head, and in my heart, I knew I cared about Jeanie. She made me feel warm inside and I just wanted to spend time with her and be near her. It was genuine affection I felt. But how could I convince Tony of that? And would it even matter? He would think I was just out to get into her pants for the cheap thrill of it. He'd probably assume I was just taking advantage of her because she'd always liked me and it would be easy. But that wasn't the case.
In the end, I decided I'd discuss the matter with Jeanie tonight. We were going to have dinner together so we'd have time to think things over and discuss them. There was no sense worrying about it before I could talk to her. Tony was my best friend so I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. But damn that temper of his! It had me worried.
During the day I called to reserve a table at a nice French restaurant that I knew Jeanie liked a lot. It was expensive but I didn't care. This was technically our first date; I wanted it to be special. When my shift was up, I ran over to a local florist and bought some roses for her as well. I wanted her to know how much I had been looking forward to our date all day.
I sent her a text as I drove home. "Still on 4 dinner? Just need quick shower."
A few seconds later I received her reply. "Definitely! Cant wait!"
That made me smile. I texted back: "Looking forward to seeing u all day. Be over in like 20."
Her reply was: "Awwww u r the sweetest. C u soon."
I couldn't shower fast enough. After, I threw on some cologne and ran a comb through my hair. I wore a polo shirt and khakis, wanting to look nice but not ridiculously dressed up. I felt like I was rushing, as though I couldn't wait to see Jeanie. It was true, I admitted to myself. I couldn't think of anything but Jeanie and our date all day. I grabbed the roses and headed for the door, but I heard my name called just as I was about to leave.
It was my mother. She was sitting on our couch in the living room. When I arrived home no one was around, but she must have just gotten in while I showered. I walked over to her and said, "Hey, what's up? Where's dad?"
"Golf. He'll be home soon. So, you and Jeanie had a nice time last night, I presume?" she asked.
Her tone was just curious, not accusatory, so I answered in kind. "Yeah, we did. It was a lot of fun."
"Well," she responded, "I'm glad you were nice enough to get her flowers."
"Yeah, well, I guess..."
"Jeanie Delvecchio is a sweet girl," she interrupted before I could reply, "so I expect you to be on your best behavior tonight. I mean that, Jim." She gave me a stern expression.
"Well how do you know..." I began, meaning to give her a bit of a hard time about who the flowers were for.
"Save it, Romeo," she interrupted again, "she's standing outside by your car." I looked out the window and sure enough there was Jeanie in a cute little pink and orange summer dress standing beside my old Grand Am. "I taught you to be a gentleman, James, and you will be one tonight with that girl. Understood?"
"Yeah, mom," I smiled, wondering what the gentlemanly rules would have said about what Jeanie and I had done the night before.
She returned the smile. "Have fun then," she said simply. It was hard to know how much she suspected about Jeanie and I. My mother was smart. Smart and stern. She did teach me how to be a gentleman, and she was tough on me when I wasn't. But we had a great relationship and I appreciated her for it.
"Thanks," I said cheerily as I turned to leave, "I'll be home later."
"Mm hmm," I heard my mother hum cheekily as I left. When I opened the front door, Jeanie gave me a beaming smile.
"Hi, Francesca," I said as I walked down our front steps toward her. "What are you doing here? I would have picked you up in the proper date-like fashion." Our families' houses were on the same street, just a few doors down, so Jeanie must have walked up to meet me.
"Awww, I know you would have, Jim. But well, my father and Tony are both home sooooo... I kind of figured this would be easier. Just for now, I mean. Just tonight."
She had an air about her tonight, I noticed. I didn't know if what they said was true, that once a girl lost her virginity she became different, more of a woman. But standing there looking at her, I could tell something was definitely different about Jeanie. She stood a little taller, held her head a little higher, and there was something knowing in her sweet smile. She was truly a vision. But I snapped out of my reverie quickly.
"Ok," I relented, "I understand." In truth, it did make tonight a hell of a lot easier not having to deal with Tony or any possible repercussions to Jeanie and I hanging out. Tony hadn't called or text'ed me all day, so I just kind of avoided bringing up the subject of what I was doing. Saturdays were definitely busy for him working at the landscaping business, which played to my advantage in this instance. "Here, these are for you," I said, extending the roses to her.
