I remember it like it was yesterday.
My wife's best friend from college had reached out to her and asked her to be the Maid of Honor in her wedding. This was her third wedding, but the two of them had been together for 3 years, so none of us doubted the union.
My wife had to drive across town to meet up with the rest of the "Bridal Party" to try on Bride's Maid dresses. She took the day off from work and after rush hour, made her way across town.
The "idea" was she would be gone a few hours, beat me home and we would go out for supper, sharing all the details of her day.
It almost happened that way.
We had been recovering from a situation where I over shared my thoughts and fantasies with her after a night of drinking. It was about 8 months before when we were on our way home from a 4th of July party. It was late, I had been drinking all day and as we drove home, she turned down the radio and told me that she had caught a few guys staring at her longingly.
I replied, "Can you blame them?"
She did not like that response at all.
"I am NOT some piece of meat, asshole." she shot back.
I regrouped and sat up in my seat. "Look, all I am saying is that if you wanted, you could have had any man at that party. Hell, you could have started a fight between a couple of them if you REALLY wanted to."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" she asked quickly.
"Baby, I am just saying you could have had any man there fighting to get a shot at you, that is all." I confessed and explained.
"In front of you?" she laughed.
I could not stop myself...
"If you wanted to do that kind of thing, I would gladly watch you." I blurted out.
She slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the shoulder of the road.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?" She hissed.
I took a long pause, thinking faster than I ever had in my life.
"I do not mean that you wanted to, especially today. All I am saying is that IF you ever wanted to step out with another man, I would not be upset and I would not be threatened by it." I tried to explain in a drunken idiotic way.
My wife slapped me across the face and turned away.
"I don't even KNOW you." she blurted out before she started crying uncontrollably.
I sat quietly.
"I am sorry." I said in a sobering tone.
She said nothing.
"I read about this on line and a lot of couples seem to enjoy it. I didn't think about it before I said something to you. I was wrong." I continued.
My wife grabbed some tissues from her purse, blew her nose and merged into traffic.
The drive home was silent. Not even the radio was on. She was so upset.
Wisely, I said nothing the rest of the trip home.
For the rest of the weekend, and the rest of the week, she said nothing to me.
Around the middle of July we started seeing a marriage counselor. Thankfully he was able to diffuse the situation and explain the cuckold fantasy in a more scientific way. One phrase he used haunted me:
"Your husband has this fantasy because he wants to see your needs fulfilled in ways he cannot perform, has not had the courage to initiate, or feels you would not welcome. It does not mean he loves you any less, or wants your marriage to end. Its quite the opposite."
He left it open ended, but I felt like he was working against me more than he was working FOR me.
My wife said nothing to his clinical diagnosis. She just nodded her head.
"I applaud you for broaching the subject." the therapist turned to me now. "Not many men have the courage to bring it up."
My wife butted in, "Oh he had PLENTY of courage that day..."
The therapist laughed at her joke. "Never the less, he DID bring it up. That also defines his faith in your union and his love for you."
Then it was quiet.
"Look folks, I really do not see a reason to continue with couple sessions." the therapist broke the silence. "I see this every now and then in couples your age and a little older. It takes a lot to make this work, and neither of you realize that at this time. You either need to discuss this at length, reach an agreement and move forward or find a way to move past it." he continued.
My wife's mouth opened as if she was going to tell him to fuck off. The therapist held up his hand.
"You BOTH need to agree that this was a poor topic to discuss when it was discussed and here and now, you either to agree to never discuss it again, then move on to some healing waters, or you decide that maybe its up for discussion at a later date and you leave it at that. Its up to the two of you, not the three of us."
My wife and I looked at each other.
"Whatever you want, is what I want." I said out loud.
My wife looked at me and said nothing.
"We need an answer JoAnne." the therapist urged.
"I think this is something the two of us need to close out in private." she said to both of us.
Before the therapist could close out the session, she looked at me and said, "Its time to go Robert."
With that, she got up and stormed out of the office, leaving me to pay for the session.
She walked briskly to the car, not waiting for me at all. I had the keys to the car.
She had an angry expression on her face when I got the to car. I unlocked it with the remote once I was in distance and she got in.
I started the car and cranked up the AC.
She said nothing.
