"This is stupid," Kalie muttered to herself as she clenched the steering wheel in a death grip. She didn't think it was even possible to be this nervous and wondered idly if she had passed into an entirely different emotion beyond nervousness. She knew she was risking a lot with this stupid idea. She knew she shouldn't have replied to the messages. She knew, she knew, she knew. The same arguments banging around inside her head as she had meticulously shaved herself. The same arguments as she put on her makeup, enough to look hot but not too trampy. As she picked out her lingerie. As she slipped on the flirty skirt. As she drove over. Finally summoning her courage, she sighed and stepped out of her car.
This is stupid
A lifetime of great decisions, and yet here she was. Standing in the parking lot of a hotel, wearing the same 3" heels she wore for graduation, ready to become a whore. Resolve took hold and she straightened her spine.
It's my body, I can do what I want.
Besides, a lifetime of great decisions is why she was here, to experience something different. Something forbidden. Something to feel ashamed of. College was only a month away, and it was time to try something new. Chin in the air, she took one firm step forward and then froze.
I can't do this.
Her mind erupted in a new battle, rehashing the debate she had been having with herself for weeks, ever since stupid Amy showed her that stupid website. Even since she stupidly signed up at that website. Ever since she had stupidly used her real phone number. Ever since she got a message from a guy who wanted her that night. Her. Wanted her. A shiver ran down her spine and she began walking resolutely towards the back entrance of the hotel. Besides, how hard could it be? Adam only lasted a few minutes, and the hourly rate that they agreed to would definitely come in useful for college.
She reran all the arguments in her head. Easy money. The guy wanted the 'girlfriend experience' and was 'highly rated' by his previous escorts. No strings, just show him a good time, collect the money and go home. She had been clever enough to arrive just before the rear doors locked, allowing her to slip into the hotel unnoticed. Distracting herself with the debate in her head, she walked straight to the elevator and pressed the button. Time seemed to slow and the knot in her belly reasserted itself.
I can't do this
Just as her resolve was about to collapse, another couple walked up. Now it would look stupid to walk away. Trapped, she glanced at them, wondering if they knew why she was here. Wondering if the other woman was here for the same reason. The elevator opened, and she flinched a smile at them and stepped in. The ride was silent, and they exited a few floors before her. Alone again, she caught sight of herself in the mirrored panel of the elevator. Young, pretty, brown hair teased lightly out, a decent chest. Dressed nicely, like a girlfriend. The elevator arrived at her floor. His floor. She stepped out and suddenly everything was too real. She was really going to do this. Her heart in her throat, she walked down the hall like a zombie, her mind numbly processing the room numbers as she approached her destination.
She paused in front of the door and froze for a moment, her rehearsal list all but forgotten. She instinctively pulled out her compact to check her makeup, as if it mattered at this point.
This is stupid
She forced a smile on her face and knocked on the door. Moments later she was face to face with him, looking just like the picture on the website. Her wits deserted her, and she stared at him for an awkward few seconds.
"Mandy, you look great. Come in, please," the man said and motioned her in.
Mandy. Thank God she had the brains to come up with a stage name. Her eyes darted around the room, still clean from the housekeepers, his laptop out on the desk. She turned, her mind struggling to come up with something to say. He motioned to the dresser beside her, and she glanced down to see an envelope. She flashed a forced smile at him.
This is it. I'm a whore.
Before the thought picked up steam, she took the envelope and quickly counted the money.
"It's all there," he smiled reassuringly.
She nodded at him and tucked the envelope into her purse. Her eyes darted to the door, wondering if she could just make a break for it and run.
"You look great, girlfriend," he grinned, leaning on the wall, a tumbler of what looked like whiskey in his hand as he looked at her. "You need to use the bathroom?" She shook her head, then instantly regretted it. "Would you like a water?"
She nodded, actually hoping for something stronger, but took the water bottle with a smile and then moved further into the room, further from him. She took a sip and then put it down and turned to face him, silence hanging in the air. He must have been at least twice her age, but clearly well put together. Clean cut, rugged face. His shirt, collar unbuttoned, was pressed and his slacks were sharp. He pulled out his phone and moments later music filled the room.
"You like?" he asked, nodding to the music.
"Sure, yeah."
"Good. Why don't you get undressed," he said as he casually took a seat on the foot of the bed.
She nodded with far more conviction that she felt. Words caught in her throat, stifling the silly request to turn off the lights. She managed to put down her purse without looking like an idiot. The pit in her stomach plunged, and she hoped she wouldn't throw up. She looked down and began to tug the blouse up over her head. She pulled it off and faced him in her bra, feeling a furious blush cover her face.
"Beautiful. You think you could try smiling?" She nodded and forced a smile onto her face. "Beautiful. You have a great smile. And a great body, looks like." He motioned her to turn around. "Nice. What's next?"
She nodded, the fake smile still plastered on her face. Her hands fell to work on the zipper of her skirt.
"Could you try dancing a little to the music?"
"Sh...sure, yeah," she nodded, looking away as she tried to find the rhythm.
