A long-awaited encounter
I was sitting on his broken-in couch in his office, looking out the window to my left. My eyes were focused on the greenery outside, but my mind was in a daze. A bird flew by the window, and I returned to the moment. I got pulled into an unnamable tension in the air despite its brightly lit atmosphere. The two of us were alone in the room with the door shut. I looked across from me. James was sitting behind his desk, watching me intently in complete silence. I met his eyes, and he quirked an eyebrow.
James, "Where did you go?"
I found eye contact intimate, something I want more of, and I immediately notice my body's arousal. I can feel the heat coming from my groin and the warm tingly sensations from my lower abdomen. I quickly looked away as I blushed in embarrassment.
Me, "Sorry, I feel a bit spacy today. Maybe I need a nap?" I laughed. I felt awake and energized from my state, but obviously, I couldn't admit the truth. How could I tell this man I spent every conversation with him managing a storm of sexual tension and desperately wanted relief?
At the start of our conversation, I got distracted by my body's arousal and was pulled into the corresponding thoughts about how much I wanted this man. I tried to distract myself with the scenery outside as it was peaceful and not the raging storm within me. Alas, I got pulled right back in by a bird. So much for relief. I sigh in exasperation.
James, "Maybe we address what we were talking about at some other point. It seems like you need a break."
I feel disheartened that my time with him would get cut short. I desperately wanted to continue spending time with him, but the arousal was unbearable today.
Me, "No, just give me a little bit. Could I please have some water?" This should buy me some time to get ahold of myself.
James, "Sure, one second." He gets up, opens the door to his office, and walks out.
I closed my eyes as soon as he turned away and focused on my breathing to attempt to calm the raging storm. The arousal is too distracting today, and I get absorbed in my thoughts. I have always been entertained by how aroused I can get simply from spending time talking to this man. Something about him excites me deeply. I don't think it is just attraction, but he is a good-looking man.
I hear him come back down the hall. James is fit and dresses sharp. Always wears blue or grey button-down shirts with dress pants and outdoor shoes. He is middle-aged with some greying starting in his blond hair and has beautiful blue eyes with a strong chin. I take in all his normal careful, and precise movements when he hands me the cup of water. The water feels fantastic on my lips and is an excellent temporary distraction. He goes back to his desk.
I feel like this excitement runs deeper than attraction, like some part of me wants to share myself completely with him. I have constantly restrained myself in my interactions with him. I don't want to disrupt what I have. I have enjoyed my experience of being around him. This tension fuels my fantasies. I mostly fantasize about our meetings going one step further. Maybe a playful interaction or chance touch. I don't dare envision further as I worry about the potential repercussions that could have on my self-discipline around him. At the same time, I want to fantasize further. I would, after all, be the only one to know.
By the end of our interactions, I can always smell my arousal and feel the moisture between my legs. I honestly have wondered if he can tell how aroused I am. His careful and precise movements carry over to our interactions. To me, we have only had fleeting and guarded verbal interactions. I want to know more about him in every way, but my time with him is too short.
I have no clue how he feels about me. I only have some unnamed tension in the room and my excitement. My heart starts pounding; maybe it is time for me to take this one step further. I know that I have to ask and be forward with my wants and needs; otherwise, they won't have a chance to meet. Rejection is not as painful as lost opportunities and unmet needs. Maybe if it goes well, I can express my need for him.
I refocus myself by taking a deep breath and then stand abruptly as I exhale audibly. He returned to his desk chair and watched me with those intense blue eyes again. Patiently, waiting. I watch him slightly tense in his shoulders with my fast movement.
I say, "James, I don't think I can continue our work." I pause. My heart starts beating rapidly in my chest. I continue to push through the fear and continue, "I don't want to ruin what we have, but I like you and feel a strong connection. I also have left every single one of our exchanges extremely aroused. I find it remarkable that someone can do this to me. I want to explore this with you. I also want to know where you stand. I can accept if you want to keep this formal and professional. I just may need to take my leave today to go die of embarrassment."
I didn't expect to let all that out like that and start to wrestle my panic as he considered for a moment.
James, "I do want to explore that with you. That sounds fun."
I feel a weight come off my shoulders, and I let out a breath. I held my breath in anticipation of his response. I decide to push it further and take a step toward him.
I say, "I hope you don't mind if I alleviate this tension."
I wait for his response as I walk over to him, aware that I will have to stop moving and return to my seat or leave if he declines. If he wants me, I need him to tell me.
James replies with laughter, "Of course, go ahead." I watch his face become more severe, and then he says gruffly, "This tension between us has been hard for me to bear."
I say with joy, "I did not know it was difficult for you too." I close the distance between the two of us. He tries to stand, but I softly place my hand on his chest and push him back down playfully. I straddle his lap with my thighs facing him. My green knee-length dress is now at my hips with my thighs exposed. I am smaller than him, but I finally have control. I hold myself up with my hands, gripping the back of his chair above his shoulders. I take a moment to enjoy the fact that this moment finally came. This is entirely new territory. I can be in the moment and enjoy myself.
I say, "You have no idea how long I have wanted this."
James, "I am glad it is finally happening. I don't know many women that could do what you just did."
I smile sheepishly, "Thanks."