Sophie trudged sullenly through the rain. On a normal day in Portland, riding the bus wouldn't be so bad but the normal liquid sunshine had become a full blown torrent and brought high winds along with it. Her raincoat did little to protect her slight frame; the wind constantly blowing her hood down and the rain pelted her at all angles. She'd only been off of the bus for a block and already all 5'3" of her was soaked through. Her hair had begun to come loose from the low bun she'd put it in that morning making tendrils of her brown hair whip around her head in the wind. She stood at the crosswalk a few blocks from her apartment, waiting for the light to change. It had been a week from hell. Her boss, although sweet was incompetent and she'd spent the majority of the week cleaning up after her.
This wasn't new of course but when it brought the VP down on their entire department and her boss decided to take the week off until things "blew over", she had been left in charge, and been caught in the eye of the firestorm. She glanced up and readied to cross as the other light turned yellow. She'd taken a single step closer to the road when a car, trying to beat the light rushed around the corned, tearing through the large puddle near the curb and sending a deluge of muddy, oily water all over her. She felt the stirrings of anger raise a bit and her green eyes flashed for a moment but they sputtered out quickly, her emotions as soggy as the rest of her.
"Asshole," she muttered numbly, more out of reflex than anger and heaved a big sigh. Two more blocks and the week would be over. By the time she reached her apartment she was shaking so hard she could barely fit the key in the lock. Her head was pounding and all she could think of was sinking into a nice hot bath. As she pushed the door open the wind caught it pulling it roughly from her hand and slamming it against the wall. Her cat, Cedar had been curled up on the couch but one look at her dripping owner and the feel of the cold wind had her nose lifting in derision as she stretched, leapt down from the couch and sauntered into the bedroom.
With effort Sophie managed to push the door closed and lock it. Without preamble she began peeling herself out of her wet clothes dropping them at the door to deal with later. Despite being out of the wind and successfully out of her wet clothes she was still trembling. Wrapping her arms around her middle she made her way to the bathroom and began to fill to tub, the tap turned to hot.
Her skin was clammy and covered in goosebumps, her nails tinged blue and when she looked in the mirror she could barely make out purplish lips as the glass fogged up with rising steam. She checked the temperature of the water and lowered it so the bath would be bearable. While she waited lists started forming in her head, things she needed to do, errands that needed to be run, groceries to pick up. When she realized what she was going she growled and buried her head in her hands.
"Just stop thinking, Sophie," she told herself, "There's plenty of time to get everything done." She held back a whimper, just wishing to have a few days that she didn't have to do anything, no responsibilities, maybe some pleasant company... She laughed bitterly at that thought; like that was likely.
She tested the temperature again and was slipping into the water a moment later, sinking below the surface and soaking up the heat. When she couldn't hold her breath any longer she broke the surface and rested her head against the edge, closing her eyes and breathing out the week's stress.
Lying back in the water did wonders for her pounding head, helping to loosen up the tight muscle in her shoulders and neck. Even with the bath she knew she'd have to pop some ibuprofen in order to get any sleep despite her state of physical and emotional exhaustion. She sank down again, running her hands through her long hair, contemplating yet again whether she should cut it, it was nearly down to her belly button now, having been over a year since her last trip to the salon, it was amazing you're switch in priorities when you had no one to impress and not enough money in the bank account to spend time looking.
The bitter thoughts were surfacing again and because of her already bad mood she couldn't find the strength to push them away again, why not wallow for a while, it wasn't like she didn't deserve it. It had been a year since Patrick had left her. A year since her boyfriend of nearly five years, the only relationship she'd ever been in, the only man she had ever dated, or kissed, or had sex with had told her he couldn't do it anymore, he needed to live his own life and he didn't see her as part of it.
This was the same man who talked about family and growing old together, and one day he walked through the door and quite literally said "I don't love you anymore." The finality of the statement, just remembering it, had Sophie on the verge of tears. She had been expecting a ring, what she got was a heartbreaking blindside.
There hadn't been much to do after that, she'd pleaded with him of course, begged him to try counseling with her, to give her a chance to make things right, but by the end of the week he told her he wanted her out. By that point she didn't even have the strength to argue that she had as much of a right to their apartment as he did, she knew she would barely be able to afford the rent on her own, she had only just finished school and was doing little more than entry level work. She couldn't bear to go back to her parents, so her sister had offered her the guest room. She hadn't been too sure if her sister's place was any better; her happily married
pregnant
sister. There wasn't much of a choice however, so with the help of her brother in law she moved her few things out that very weekend.
Her sister, Tasha had everything that Sophie wanted and although living there for six months and helping with her beautiful new niece had been amazing, just below the surface she felt like she was drowning. So she saved up her money and began searching for her own place.
About sixth months ago she'd found this simple one bedroom apartment, and for the first time in her life, she was living alone. She recognized pretty quickly that it was a good thing she'd spent half a year with her sister's family, because the first week alone was terrible. Her sister and family had plans to come over for dinner on her first Friday night alone, but when Sophie answered the door with bloodshot eyes from crying and looking like she hadn't eaten a thing all week, Tasha quickly sent her husband and daughter home and stayed the night with her sister, trying to help her through the worst of it.
Surprisingly that had turned out to be the worst. She quickly found a routine after that and stayed there, comfortable. It was just nights like these, when she was exhausted and emotionally wrung out from work that the morose feelings came back and she couldn't help but indulge in a little self pity. At first she had missed the companionship of sharing a home with someone, but as time passed and she began to put Patrick behind her she realized what she missed now was touch. Besides her family she couldn't name a single person in the last year that had given her more than a friendly hug. She just wasn't very close with many people anymore.
Her time with Patrick had affected her other relationships in ways she hadn't realized until he was gone. Slowly she'd lost contact with most of her friends, only a few did she still see and only when they could all find time in their schedules. The only person besides her family she could think of as a 'close' friend was Eric, a guy she hadn't seen since she was fifteen. He lived on the other side of the country and their only contact consisted of emails, online chats, and the occasional phone call.
