Intelligence, looks, personality, creativity and wit aren't bad in isolation. To have them all, though, is to set one apart from 99.99935% of humanity. To have them in abundance is a disaster. Sensuous athleticism makes the full catastrophe, a total train wreck. Happy is the fool. Desperately lonely are the abundantly talented.
I should know. The rest of humanity isn't worth the time, effort or lattes. And definitely not worth any donuts. I'm usually in first gear with people. If I crank it up, I blow them away.
I've never been able to hold down a job for long, as I can't see the point in supplying goods and/or services to cretinous morons. And don't get me started on bosses -- abysmal cretinous morons at best.
So I became a hitman. I've never met anyone who wasn't a vast waste of space, so I feel that I'm doing the planet a favour. Damnit, I'm doing the universe a favour.
I'm big on ethics too! And maths.
The people I most like to bump off are the bastards with one strength who think that makes them superior to others. Academics, models, sports stars, talk show hosts, artists, comedians -- I could go on all night. I've never come across a celebrity who wouldn't be improved by a bullet to the head.
So, it was a happy coincidence when this slim, long-legged, big-busted, bouncy, beautiful brunette with a cracker set of pearly whites wandered up to me at the ol' watering hole one fateful night. She could have been a supermodel.
'Hi, I'm Angelica,' she purred
'Hi,' I said, the word dripping with understated meaning.
'Can I buy you a drink?' she purred. I soon realized she always purred. I wasn't complaining.
'Sure,' I said, in a way that said so much more.
It was the start of a long drinking session.
When we were both well oiled, she moved in real close. I stepped forward so that she was even closer. She rested a hand on my arm, while the other one found my carefully-concealed weapon, and whispered in my ear, 'The word on the streets is that you are a hitman.'
'What word is that?' I groaned.
'They call you Alfonso the Dude,' she purred, fondling my weapon.
'That's me. More bang for your buck,' I sighed.
'I've got someone for you,' she purred, her hand testing the weight of my weapon.
'Tell me about him,' I moaned.
'Her,' she purred, her hand sliding along the shaft.
She wanted me to kill a woman! Damn, I'd kill anything, just as long as she didn't stop.
'She's a shallow, bullying, arrogant, stupid, back-stabbing, two-faced, nasty bitch,' Angelica purred, giving my weapon a sharp pull.
Ahhhhhhhhh. She needed to be careful, or it could go off.
'You don't like her?' I croaked.
'I despise her!' she purred vehemently, yanking my weapon.
Hot damn, what this woman could do with a purr.
Well, it turned out Angelica was a model, who wanted me to bump off another model, Rebel. It was all a bit like two life drawing models I'd had dealings with previously.
Well, this time I wasn't going to be screwed over. No way!
In fact, it was me who got to do the screwing that night.
'I'd like to see how you handle your weapon,' Angelica purred in my ear. The bitch had her hand in my pants right there in the bar! Fortunately we were in a secluded corner by now. A dark, secluded corner.
It was also the sort of bar where random fucking occasionally happened. That's why I drank there. Sometimes couples (or more) took their coupling outside. I found that very annoying. I had no problems with people screwing in front of me.
Some people could be so inconsiderate and selfish.
Angelica wasn't.
She kissed me hard as she fondled my cock.
I ran my hands down her body -- one hand in front, one behind.
She was wearing a little number that provided easy access to her arse and pussy.
She moaned appreciatively when my hands slid up under her little number. I explored her sensational arse with one hand. With the other, I hunted down her clit. I could tell I found it when she moaned, 'Oh fuck, that's goooooooood.'
She wasn't purring now.
I slipped a couple of fingers up her hot and slippery pussy, while my thumb massaged her clit.
'Oh fuck, that's nice,' she moaned.
Her vocabulary had gone all limited all of a sudden.