All persons in this story were 18 years or older when sexual activity described here took place.
My wife died suddenly.
The little hospital waiting room, apparently reserved for those who will likely get bad news. Empty except for me. With apologies to John Donne, 'Don't ask for whom the door opens, it opens for thee.'
I dreaded the door opening, but it finally did.
"Mr. Rogers? I am so sorry. Your wife was deceased on arrival. We were unable to revive her."
Her death was also unexpected.
That morning I had wakened first. She was sleeping with her back to me, her shoulder bare. I put my hand on it, felt her soft warmth, so familiar after all these years, yet still so amazing. I thought of all the years, the kids, the inevitable struggles, all we had been through. I had tears in my eyes as I thought about my love for her. I got out of the bed quietly and shaved and showered.
When I came out of the bathroom she was on the floor. Dead. A "cardiac event" was what the doctor later said.
All I knew was the love of my life was gone. I wasn't positive I believed it yet. I was numb, but immediately immersed myself in contacting family members, consoling children and preparing for the funeral.
A thousand details. All of them a burden. Each of them necessary.
The funeral came and went, family left, the attention faded. I was back at work. The numbness was the only visitor that remained. When I woke each morning a weight landed on my shoulders and I carried it throughout the day, sometimes well into the night, until sleep mercifully intervened.
I tried to soldier on, carry my weight at the office, but I often found myself staring at the wall. I couldn't concentrate. How could I carry my weight when I was carrying this burden as well?
Weeks dragged by, unbroken in their same numbness.
Then one evening the doorbell rang. I opened it and saw an attractive woman who appeared to be about my age. She had a great figure. She was vaguely familiar, but I had that awful dread that she knew me but I was not going to be able to remember who she was. "Jim? I'm sure you don't recognize me. We haven't seen each other since you left for college."
Sue.
It all came flooding back. We had dated the last six months of high school and that summer. My first real love. We lost our virginity to each other in the back seat of my car.
"Sue! How are you? You look stunning!" She really did. I was willing to bet she did not weigh twenty pounds more than in high school. That beautiful blond hair was now shorter, more appropriate for our age. A stunning figure that was even better than when she was seventeen.
"May I come in?"
"Of course! Where are my manners?"
I closed the door behind her and turned. She took me in her arms.
"Jim, just listen for a minute. I heard about Karen. I am so sorry. I live about an hour away, but when I heard I knew I had to come and see you. I know what you are going through.
Five years ago Dan died..."
"I didn't know."
"That's ok, it was only by accident I heard about your loss. Losing Dan was the hardest experience of my life, so I know how it is for you right now. I knew I had to come and talk, even let you cry on my shoulder."
I did. I had held it in, but I couldn't hold back now. Looking back, it seems strange that I would cry on a near stranger's shoulder. But she wasn't a stranger. She was the closest friend I had ever had, next to Karen.
Often when people stop seeing each other, it isn't that they fall out of love. They just find someone they love even more. Sue and I had done that, had each married happily, raised families, and now were alone again.
The circles of life. Here we were, holding each other and crying.
"Jim, I know it sounds hollow right now, but it will get better. What you need is friends. Can I be your friend again?"
I couldn't speak. I just nodded.
We sat on the sofa. Holding each other. Finally I spoke: "Sue, this is ironic. This is the same sofa we sat on and made out years ago. When my parents died I brought it here and had it recovered."
We both laughed.
"Those were good times, weren't they, Jim?"
"Yes. I am a little surprised we didn't marry. I'm not sure why we didn't."
"A lot of reasons, I suppose, but mostly because you were away at college. You met Karen and I met Dan."
"I suppose. I have thought about you over the years, Sue, wondering how you were. I guess when you love someone that person reserves a permanent place in your heart."
Sue didn't answer. Looking down. Tears in her eyes. Then she looked into mine.
It was one of those scenes from the big screen. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, we moved toward each other.
At what point do two people know they are going to kiss?
The years seemed to slip away. It was suddenly two 18 year-olds, sitting on the same sofa, kissing. It was not long before we were kissing passionately, our tongues entwined.
Suddenly Sue stood, flustered. "I am sorry, Jim. I didn't come here to seduce you, to take advantage of your grief. I really should be going." But she stood where she was. No movement for the door.
I stood, took her hand, and led her to the bedroom. I did not have to pull her down the hall; she came willingly.
We stood in the bedroom and kissed. I cupped her breast. She moaned into the kiss. She reached down and rubbed my hardness. My turn to groan.
I began unbuttoning her blouse. She worked on my shirt. I discovered a very plain, white bra underneath. I pulled the straps down, kissing the tops of her breasts. I remembered how much that turned her on. We kissed again and finished undressing each other.
"Jim, I really do own some sexy things. I wish I had worn them."
