Author's Note: I've been debating this for some time, but I finally decided to scrub this series down and resubmit them. I've grown a lot as a writer since I wrote these and look back on these with a touch of shame. I want to give them the look they deserve. To anyone that may have read them once upon a time, I've mostly changed grammar and punctuation. There was temptation to completely overhaul, but I felt that I shouldn't. Just clean them up and be done with it. Thanks for reading.
-Nosebone
From the first moment Rachel and I met, we were friends. She was one of the smartest people I met while I was in school, but also one of the most naturally beautiful women I'd ever seen. She had a compact swimmers body, silky blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a flawless creamy complexion. We were grad students at a large university. I'd started the year before she and my girlfriend. My girlfriend Andrea ('Drea) and Rachel quickly became inseparable.
The three of us were together nearly all the time. It was almost like I had two girlfriends. Rachel and I traveled a lot together to research conferences and different presentations. I was glad that we got along so well together, because I spent more time with her some weeks than I did with 'Drea.
Rachel had a boyfriend too, Derek. He could occasionally be a decent guy but mostly he was a self-centered prick. No one that knew them both thought he was right for her. Out of respect for our friendship, I never spoke my true feelings about him to her. I always had strong suspicions that he just kept her on the side, since he had a job with his dad's company and lived several hours away. 'Drea told me that Rachel also had her suspicions about Derek's time away from her. She didn't go into details, but she said Rachel was pretty sure about it. 'Drea also said that Rachel wasn't completely happy with her intimate time with Derek, but again 'Drea didn't provide a lot of detail.
Several times when we were together, Rachel would tell 'Drea that she was so lucky she had a strong, rugged guy like me. She would tell 'Drea I had to be like a big teddy bear in bed. She would also make comments about how 'Drea always seemed satisfied. I knew that nothing went unsaid between the two of them, but I always felt a little uneasy when she would say things like that. I knew I was as close to Rachel as I was to anyone else in my life besides 'Drea. I also knew that Rachel and I would not share the same closeness that 'Drea and I shared regularly. There were a lot of conflicting emotions about our friendship.
In the fall of our last year, Derek proposed to her and she accepted. This came as quite a surprise to 'Drea and I. He was going to take over his father's very lucrative company, and wanted Rachel to be his partner in business, and in life. I'll give him credit, that was a pretty sharp move, because Rachel was definitely one of the sharpest people I'd ever met. It bothered me more than anyone else, because we were together constantly, and she never really talked about it. When I finally talked to her, I realized she hadn't expected his proposal.
I thought I had mixed up feelings before, but it became clear to me that I was jealous that he was going to marry her. Plus, with her moving away she would no longer be a part of my life. But what could I do about it? The short answer was nothing. I reminded myself that I was already involved with a wonderful girl who was more than I could ever ask for. As the next few weeks passed I noticed that I looked at Rachel more and more. I started to think of her more when she wasn't around. I was surprised that I wasn't the only one. Several times when we were at our lab, I caught her looking at me very intently. I tried to rationalize it in my head, but it kept happening.
'Drea noticed it too. One night after Rachel had been over dinner and some wine at our house, 'Drea asked, "Are you as upset as I am that she's marrying that fucker?"
"Yeah, 'Drea. I am baby. It bothers me a lot. More than I care to admit," I replied.
"I wish I could've talked her out of it. I tried," 'Drea continued.
"You did? What did she say?"
"She said that she loved him, and she thought that they would be happy. She also really wants the opportunity to run that company. You know how motivated she is. She knows that she'll be doing it, because Derek is such a spoiled lazy shit. I just can't see why she would marry him. We've had our doubts about him, but so has she. We got into a nasty screaming match about it last week," she explained.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," I said.
"It was pretty ugly. I told her she was making a mistake that she'd always regret. She said that she wasn't, that he was a great guy. I told her that he was a piece of shit. She really got mad. She was crying, I was crying. Then she said I was being too hard on her. She said I was trying to compare Derek with you."
"She did," I asked.
"Yeah, she said that you were the most wonderful guy in the world and that I was so lucky to have you. She said that it really hurts her sometimes to see that we're so happy. She said she felt like she was too late to catch her soul mate," she said.
"What?"
"Brad, I don't know how to ask you this without it being an accusation, but has anything ever happened between you two," 'Drea asked.
"'Drea! No baby, nothing. Why would you ask that," I replied.
"From what she said and the way I've seen her look at you, I don't think I'm the only one in love with you," she said, neutrally.
"No, she's not!"
"Brad, I think she is. I know she is. She wouldn't say stuff like that. She's around you all the time. You treat her like a princess just like you treat me," she said.
"I don't know what to say."
"It's not your fault, baby. But I want to know something. Do you have feelings for her too," she asked.
"'Drea honestly, I don't know what I feel, babe. I'm so fucking confused about stuff right now. The only thing I know for sure is that you're the center of my universe," I said.
She smiled. "Where is Rach among the stars," she asked.
"I think she's pretty close to the center too."
"That's what I wanted to know. Baby, I love you so much. We have a really great thing between us. But aren't you saying that you have similar feelings for her as me?"
I didn't know how I should try to answer that one.
"Brad, I've noticed how you look at her too. It's the same as the way you look at me. You love her like you do me," she continued.
I was caught. What could I do?
"'Drea I don't know what to say."
"Babe, I'm not upset that you have feelings for her or that she has them for you. You are around her as much if not more than you are with me. The kind of guy that you are it's only natural that you would. You're too caring. You treat us both like we're angels. People at school joke all the time about your two girlfriends," she smiled.
"Really? I've thought that a few times, but nobody has said that to me," I said.
"They're probably afraid you'll punch them in the mouth. Your public demeanor can be
a little intimidating sometimes. I want you to know I'm not upset, ok? I want you to know that," she said.
"Okay, baby. I love you," I said.
