My true story, within my larger story titled "Becoming Bisexual." Parts 1, 2 and 3 please read these first.
***
A few weeks had passed since meeting Mark. I had not been in contact, I had been a little troubled with my thoughts again. When I'm feeling like this I have to break things down in to smaller bits in my head.
Mark was a wonderful kind caring man. I had enjoyed the sex we had together. I still got aroused and turned on thinking about the sex, I had re lived the night many times in my head.
Mark is gay, I know I am not. I am attracted to women, I constantly find myself checking out women, even in the supermarket.
I am not physically attracted to men, never have been. So why do I feel this pull towards Mark?
Maybe I have been alone for so long that when a kind caring person shows a bit of affection towards me, coupled with an exciting sexual encounter, then I have responded and enjoyed what I have felt.
Mark is an attractive man with a great body. We have a lot in common. Maybe he is right, I am hiding from my feelings, running away from something, wanting to be distracted from rejection, the hurt and the pain.
Why did Susan do that? I loved her, adored her and she reciprocated the same. I thump the steering wheel in anger, tears fill my eyes and escape down my cheeks. Here I go again, those horrid feelings come flooding back, painful memories of my split with Susan. Am I still in love with her after what she had done to me, should I go and find her, accept her child as my own?
I approach the driveway to my parents house. My parents live in a quiet little village in a modern house built twenty years previously. I stop the car but just stay sat there behind the wheel, not wanting my mum to see my upset. I compose myself, take a few deep breaths, before knocking on the green wooden door.
Mum answers the door cheery as ever,
"Hi Andy come in! It's been a while since we've seen you."
"I'm sorry mum, been busy at home with a bit of D.I.Y and working my shifts." I lied.
My dad comes into the kitchen to say,
"Did you see that program on TV last night about mountain rescue in Cumbria?"
"No sorry dad, I missed it."
"You ought to be very careful running on them fells, its bloody dangerous anything can happen. Its about time you stopped all that, your mother gets very worried about you, Its not fair!" Dad exclaimed.
Mum looks at my dad quite anxious,
"John! He's a grown man he makes his own decisions and its not for us to interfere."
"I'm sorry mum, but its the only thing that clears my head..."
"Bloody selfish!!" Dad shouted angrily.
My dad retreated to the lounge in a huff. My mum looked at me lovingly,
"I understand why you do it Andy, it's not me that gets so worried its your dad, I don't know what's got in to him lately."
My mum and I sat in the kitchen enjoying our tea. Then the dreaded question came up,
"Met any nice girls lately?" asked mum.
My face must of dropped, I tried to avoid her question.
"Its time you got some fun Andy, find yourself a good nice young woman, you have so much love to give, you were the most loving of all four of you, when you was a kid."
"I bumped into Susan's mum in town last week." I reveal.
Mums mouth drops open in a silent pause.
"I liked her mum, got the feeling she liked me too, always felt she was on my side."
"And? What did she say?" My mum asks impatiently.
"Maureen asked how I was, her and George had missed me being around, Which I thought was nice of them to say.
They also revealed, that Susan now had a child, a boy.
They don't get on with Susan's boyfriend.
He's not a nice man and isn't good for her, Susan made a terrible mistake going with him and I think she now is realising it. Said Maureen. Maureen asked if I was dating, I just said not at the moment. Then she wished me well."
Mums face shows anger.
The news of Susan's child nearly cut me in half, but I didn't tell mum this.
"You stay well away from that girl, she made her bed she can lie in it!" Mum said angrily. "What she did to you."
"She just made a mistake mum."
"What! She almost destroyed you! You still love her don't you!" Mum said angrily.
A tear falls down my cheek again.
"Mum I'm considering joining a running club over in Belmont, hoping to find some new friends in a different town. I met this chap whilst out running."
I hated lying especially to people I love,
"He said that I had special skills and the younger up coming runners would be very keen to learn from me."
"Well what's to consider? That's great, go for it!" mum now sounding optimistic.
"Yes I will." I said frowning.
"Andy you look troubled again, Please don't contact Susan, she can never be trusted again."