It was yet another 3 months since we had made love. I felt useless. She would rather go to sleep at an early hour than have sex, and this happened a lot! 3 months since last time. Another 2 months before that. Before that I couldn't say. I'd be lucky if we made double figures in a year! I'd often thought about finding someone else to have meaningless sex with, but I'm not confident talking to new people and have never "chatted up" anyone before. I'd contemplated seeing an escort but money was the issue there! I felt useless, trapped and pathetic. This week I had felt especially desperate as I approached my 30th birthday. Every night had seen me near enough begging for sex, dreaming up fantasy after fantasy, only to be rewarded with "I do love you", a hug and then sleep! Sexual frustration and depression had well and truly set in.
Tonight I decided to invent a drinks night with a few friends that I knew she wouldn't want to see. So while she slept again, I drove to the local park just to walk and clear my head. I found something soothing by looking at the stars on a clear night sky and it seemed to help my problems seem smaller. In the back of my mind I always had a little fantasy that I would stumble upon a dogging site and my voyeuristic fantasies could be fulfilled.
As my line of business involved the park, running a weekly outdoor exercise class, I entered the main gate knowing the rangers were long gone for the night and I would literally be the only person here. As I strolled towards the river that runs through it, I couldn't help think about all the times I had dreamt of bringing her here for a night of wild outdoors sex under the stars with only the tiniest risk of being caught. An idea that thrilled me, but not her in the slightest!
I reached the river and was instantly reminded of why it was my favourite part of the park. The sky was clear, the moon was nearly full and it shone brightly for a few minutes, lighting up the river and the surrounding trees. It looked like a perfect painting before heavy clouds covered up the light and the area fell into darkness. I carried on up the riverside slowly, slipping occasionally on mud, tripping over the odd stone or stump, with only just enough light to make sure I wasn't walking into the river itself. This was actually a bad idea! How stupid I felt that I'd rather walk in the cold, wet mud in the dark than stay at home in the warm. Still I tried to clear my head of any negative thoughts and carried on walking. It was then about 50 metres or so up ahead I saw a small torchlight.
As I neared the torchbearer a hundred thoughts raced through my mind. Was this a Ranger? Am I not allowed to be here? Am I about to be mugged or worse killed? I slowed my walking as the torch came nearer, the light bouncing round with the person's steps. The light reached me and for a second I became visible to the torchbearer. Suddenly the torch was turned off and with the brief bit of skylight I saw the figure step off the river walk into the trees. Now I was really scared.
As I contemplated turning and running away I reminded myself that I was fairly strong and trained regularly, and although having never been in a fight and having lived a pretty uneventful life, felt an urge inside me to keep walking in case I was about to miss out on an enormous but possibly violent experience.
I reached the area the figure had turned off and stopped. Nerves had got the better of me. With my feet ready to jump into a sprint I spoke out loud. "I know someone's there and I'm going to level with you. I'm worried that either you are about to attack me or you think I'm going to attack you which is not the case at all so I'm sorry if I've scared you and I'm just going to keep on walking!" I felt every muscle in my body tighten and I was ready to run at the slightest sound of someone coming towards me. But instead of an attack I was met with a female voice. "It's ok, I
Know you're not going to hurt me and I'm certainly not going to hurt you. I don't know why I hid to be honest. Feel a bit silly now!" She stepped forward from the trees; I could make out her figure but could not see her face. She sounded around the same age as me, well-spoken with the slightest touch of posh about her. As the moonlight skipped in and out of the clouds I could see the odd fluorescent strip on her jacket like a sports coat. With each breath a cloud of steam rose up in front of her.
"I'm just out for a run, which turned into a jog and has now turned into a walk" she said as she giggled.