It was really the first beautiful day of Spring...snow was almost gone, trees were budding, it was actually warm enough for shorts and a t shirt! But I had a late afternoon class, and it was Friday no less! The last thing any of us wanted to do was to sit in a classroom on a day like this, so Lit class was going to seem like forever!
Dr. McHugh was a good teacher, still had her looks for a 40 something academic, reddish hair, glasses, she usually had a dress on...today was no different. She was originally from the south and her voice had a bit of syrup left in it. Just enough that we had to listen closely to her lectures so as to not miss anything. Besides, it usually sounded pretty good!
She began "Class, I am not so old that I don't know you would rather be outside or starting happy hour instead of being here..." Was she going to let us out early? Pleeeeeeease! "So instead of our usually lecture, I am going to just read a bit from our assigned text "Moby Dick"." Great. I could get a nap in.
I was seated in the back next to Laura. I had had a number of classes with her, we were both English majors and had worked together on several projects in and out of class. More a buddy, we usually covered for each other if one couldn't make it to class. We looked at each other and we both had the same idea. Get this over and let's start the weekend!
Dr. McHugh started again - "I am going to turn out the lights, and so you don't get too distracted, I'll pull the blinds. Don't worry, I have enough light to read." With that, the room went dark, leaving the dozen or so of us in darkness. I couldn't see, but I guessed every head was on the desk. I just hoped I didn't snore!
Finally she began. "I'll be reading from Chapter 94. 'A Squeeze of the hand'. It is about the processing of the whale after they have killed it." Perfect. I'll be out in no time!
"It had cooled and crystallized to such a degree, that when, with several others, I sat down before a large Constantine's bath of it, I found it strangely concreted into lumps, here and there rolling about in the liquid part. It was our business to squeeze these lumps back into fluid. A sweet and unctuous duty! No wonder that in old times sperm was such a favorite cosmetic. Such a clearer! such a sweetener! such a softener; such a delicious mollifier! After having my hands in it for only a few minutes, my fingers felt like eels, and began, as it were, to serpentine and spiralize."
Dr. McHughs voice got softer and sweeter as she continued to read.
"...as I bathed my hands among those soft, gentle globules of infiltrated tissues, wove almost within the hour; as they richly broke to my fingers, and discharged all their opulence, like fully ripe grapes their wine; as. I snuffed up that uncontaminated aroma,- literally and truly, like the smell of spring violets; I declare to you, that for the time I lived as in a musky meadow; I forgot all about our horrible oath; in that inexpressible sperm, I washed my hands and my heart of it; I almost began to credit the old Paracelsan superstition that sperm is of rare virtue in allaying the heat of anger; while bathing in that bath, I felt divinely free from all ill-will, or petulance, or malice, of any sort whatsoever."
The classroom was silent except for our breathing and Dr. McHughs' sensual voice. I wondered if she knew what she was stirring with her reading. Looking back, I am sure she did.
"Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers' hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,- Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness."
I felt a hand on my leg, just a brush and then it settled. I reached down and it was Laura. I looked over and could barely see her in the darkness, but I thought I saw a glint of her eye. Hmmmm. I decided to see what the game was, so I moved my desk a little closer to hers and kept her hand on my leg.
