Jessi's parting comment about wanting to be a slave over our weekend getaway had given me a great deal about which to think. Every time I started planning the weekend to come, my mind would flash back to New Year's Day, when I was not able to go as far with the master and slave scenario as the twenty-year-old had wanted. And although I still had the same concerns regarding what I viewed as play and what Jessi viewed as, for lack of a better term, real, I found that I was starting to think about and plan out how the weekend might go.
So, in addition to my normal class prep work and grading that I did in the evenings, I found myself researching what I might be able to do to move a little more toward where Jessi was when it came to her being my slave. What I discovered was that while I had a vague awareness of some aspects of BDSM, such as domination, submission, and bondage, at least in the play sense, there was a whole variety of things that I knew nothing about.
To start with, I found that the acronym BDSM was used to cover a wider variety of activities than I had realized, and that Master/slave power dynamic that Jessi seemed to crave fell under that larger cover term, along with many other types of power dynamic roles and relationships. As my research progressed, I think I came to understand more why Jessi could not be happy with the level of play with which I was comfortable. For her, the willing relinquishment of power seemed to be an important part of how she was able to express her sexuality, from craving humiliation and degradation, to forced oral sex, to her desire to serve as my slave. I even realized that the times when she seemed to have taken control - such as making me say certain words or pushing me to be more aggressive or dominating toward her - had likely been intended to foster my taking a more active role in the power game.
The only true exception I had seen to Jessi's more submissive role was our threesome with Amara. Jessi had very much been dominant with Amara, which had surprised me at the time. However, in my research I learned that some women were consistently submissive with males and dominant with females. This led me to wonder whether part of Jessi's reaction to Amara and me having vaginal intercourse during the threesome was the loss of power over Amara. Once source I had found even indicated it could be emotionally damaging to a woman to have to choose submitting to the wishes of a male to whom she was already submissive over being dominant over another female that had been brought into the relationship.
As much as some of what I read gave me cause for concern, other aspects showed me reasons to be encouraged about my relationship with my blonde paramour. As much as she seemed to crave being submissive in the power dynamic, she also was able to achieve intimacy, at least on some level, outside of a power exchange scenario. She might crave being humiliated or being a slave, but she could achieve sexual satisfaction under what I saw as less extreme circumstances. I began to ponder whether she might evolve away from the more extreme power dynamics as she became more comfortable with other intimacy modalities.
But it was not just my relationship with Jessi that was informed by my research. I also found information that made me realize that Jessika's interest in forced-sex play was more common than I might have suspected. I had been with the one girlfriend in college who liked bondage, and in retrospect I understood that some of that had graded into forced-sex play, so it was not foreign to me. However, I was relieved to find information that helped reinforce my initial assessment that what Jessika wanted was a more widespread - and playful - fantasy than what Jessi seemed to want.
By Wednesday evening, I had formed preliminary plans for going forward with both of my lovers' fantasies. For Jessi, I would try to meet her halfway. I could not be as extreme as I was afraid she wanted me to be, but I thought I could make the power dynamic more complete - and more real to her - without crossing into what I saw as abuse and cruelty. As for Jessika, I formed a plan to give her the experience of being bound and helpless while still making it a fun, playful experience.
I did not know when Jessika and I might play out her fantasy, so I decided to go ahead and order some items that I had found online. The first of these was a kit that included black and white leopard print collar and cuffs (both wrist and ankle) with velcro closures, plastic D-rings, and plastic clips. I had thought about using Jessi's leather collar and cuffs with Jessika, but not only did they seem more extreme than the brunette might want, I thought it would be bad form to use Jessi's gifts for playing with another woman. Another factor in favor of ordering the kit was that it came with a flogger that looked considerable less pain inducing than the heavier, multi-bladed whip Jessi had given me for Christmas. I was not sure Jessika would be amenable to the flogger, but I was quite sure she would not like the whip.
I also ordered a nylon strap restraint system that went under the mattress of my bed and that I thought might be something I could use with both women. The adjustable straps had rings to which cuffs could be clipped. It came with black neoprene cuffs for both the wrists and ankles, which I would not need seeing as how I already had the leather cuffs for Jessi and I had ordered the leopard-print ones for Jessika. However, I supposed it would be good to have the extras.
I had hoped to have the restraint system by Friday so I could take it on my weekend trip to the mountains with Jessi, but the following Monday was as soon as I could get it. I did think about going to a local shop that carried sexual items, but I decided against that. I could think of other ways to play with Jessi.
About twenty minutes after I had placed the order for the kit and the restraint system, my phone rang with a call from Jessika. I was a little surprised, as she had last indicated she might want some time apart, but pleased nonetheless.
"Hello Squeaker," I answered my phone, and I was rewarded with a moment of silence on the other end.
"If you call me 'cute', or in any way refer to me as 'cute', I'm hanging up," Jessika warned without preamble.
I smiled at her words. I knew her well enough by that point to be confident that I really heard the playfulness under the harsh tone she had taken. Still, I decided not to push teasing her too much at that point.
"I will be good," I assured her. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing from my beautiful paramour?"
"You're in a good mood," the brunette said. "I'd ask what the reason for that is, but I am not sure I want to know."
"I have sorted some things out," I told her. "And I was just thinking about you, which I always enjoy."
"I was just thinking about you too," Jessika informed me. "Why don't you tell me what you were thinking, and then I'll tell you what I was thinking."
"I was thinking about the restraint system that I just ordered and how I can use it to strap you to my bed," I replied, making a spur of the moment decision to put that idea out there for discussion.
For the second time during our call, my thirty-one-year-old lover was silent for a moment, then she breathed, "I was just lying here in my silk nightie, thinking about you and wondering if you might be up for some phone sex."
"That sounds good," I responded, imagining my curvaceous lover lying on her bed.
"But you had to go and up the ante, mister," she moaned, and I wondered if she was now doing more than just lying there. "I think a booty call is in order after you drop a bombshell like that."
"I kind of feel awkward just using the term 'booty call', Squeaker," I teased. "It is a little on the cutesy side..."
"Oh, just shut up and get your booty over here and fuck me," the brunette groaned before she terminated the call.
Five minutes later, I was on the road to Jessika's apartment. Shortly after I had started out, I began feeling guilty with respect to Jessi - after all, I had told her that I loved her - but I tried to put that guilt out of my mind. I had made no promises to Jessi that involved my relationship with Jessika. In fact, Jessi seemed to have actually accepted the situation as it stood, which should have provided me relief from any guilt I might feel. However, the guilt persisted, and it was only when Jessika opened the door to let me in that I was able to move it out of my conscious thought.
