"Princess, you know what a 'bucket list' is?"
Sly and I were sitting around his apartment waiting for a client to show up. As you might imagine, it's a little awkward having any kind of serious discussion while you're dressed only in a diaphanous teddy with nothing under it but crotch-split panties. However, if that's your working uniform, you kind of adapt to it. Sly has seen me in this outfit too many times for it to have much of an effect on him, but then, I was wearing it for the client, not for my agent.
Oh yeah, I should explain a bit. This will sound a little strange, but Sly and I have been partners ever since he blackmailed me into putting out for paying clients in order to pay off the ransom he had demanded of me to buy back some very incriminating material that would have devastated my family and my then-fiancΓ©. But here's the kicker. The surprising thing was that once I got into it, I found that not only was I good at the work, but I really liked the adventure. You don't often get to mix work and pleasure.
Sly's a tough guy, raised on the streets, hard and cynical, but he knows a good thing when he sees it, so after we were square financially, he offered to make the arrangement more permanent, and on the spot I agreed. In the months that have followed I've never regretted the decision. I've had some wild rides, and I really like the work. Of course, I'm not dumb enough to quit my day job in a prestigious city law firm. Not near the fun, but it's a steadier and more dependable income.
The fiancΓ©, by the way, is history. Amazing to me that I ever wanted that life.
"Yes," I said. "It's a list of things that you feel you have to do before you 'kick the bucket'. Wasn't there a movie about it with Mogan Freeman and Jack Nicolson a few years ago?"
"Not bad. I didn't know you were a movie buff. But yeah, that's the idea."
"I have a feeling," I said, "that this conversation is going somewhere, and when it gets there it's gonna involve me professionally."
Sly smiled.
"Not much gets by you, Princess, does it."
"Yeah. Doesn't take much to figure out we're not sitting here to talk about movies. What do you have in mind?"
"Okay. I got wind of an older guy that is willing to pay big bucks to check off a bucket list item."
"Way too vague," I said. "How old, how many bucks is big, and what's the item?"
"Dunno about the age," Sly said. "I'm gonna guess mid to late sixties, but really healthy. Works out a lot, I think."
"Sounds old to me. You don't think he's gonna have a heart attack if things get a little strenuous?"
"Nah. Besides, that'd be some experience, wouldn't it?" He smiled broadly.
"Quite a notch in your belt, to knock off some guy with sex."
"Not funny, Sly. I need your assurance that the guy's healthy enough for what he has in mind. Which, by the way, is what?"
"Guy's an avid hiker. That should tell you about his stamina. He loves the outdoors, mostly the woods. He wants to show that love by as he puts it, making love to a beautiful woman in the forest."
I was silent for a few long seconds.
"Where the hell do you find these people? No, wait, don't tell me. I think it's better if I don't know.
"Let me see if I've got this. The client wants me to go hiking God knows where with him and then at some point, when we're the middle of nowhere, he'll fuck me? Have I got the gist of it?"
Sly looked at me. I must have looked rather dubious.
"Yeah, that's about it. But before you say no, let me tell you about the money."
He did.
It was a lot.
"Jesus, Sly. He must really want this. But look, I'm a city girl. What do I know about hiking in the woods. Suppose we get attacked by a bear or something while we're fucking? Have either of you thought about that?"
"Jesus Christ, Princess! Leave it to you to think of that. Okay, I'll make him promise that there'll be no bears, or lions or tigers, for that matter. I'll make sure he knows what'll happen to him if anything happens to you."
I was slightly mollified. Sly's a very big, tough guy, so his threats of retribution are a very good guarantee of our clients' good behavior and of my safety.
"Okay," I said. "Set it up."
"That's the Princess I know. I knew you couldn't resist this one."
"Sometimes I think you know too damned much about me."