"That BITCH"! I screamed at no one in particular. I was in my trailer taking yet another unexpected break from filming my latest movie. The "bitch" I referred to was Monique, a fairly new actress with only few commercials and a pair of sitcom guest spots on her resume. Here we are on the fifth week of shooting a romantic comedy of all things and this third rate little community theater diva was insisting yet again that she needed some bullshit bottled spring water to get into character for a scene. Ok, in all fairness the scene did involve water, and I got to drench her in it. "Fuck it, let her have her water," I laughed, " I'll give it to her, myself."
Terry, our director had come up with some ingenious idea about shooting the scenes in order for this movie, an idea that could not have been worse. In the beginning of the film, our characters hate each other (easy enough) but we're supposed to find common ground and eventually fall in love. That was going to stretch my acting talent to its limit. Especially since we were supposed to shoot the love scene the next afternoon. I didn't think I could do it.
Walking onto the set the next day, I got the feeling I was right. I stepped out of my dressing room in my shorts and a bathrobe and was asked immediately to excuse her while she had a private discussion with Terry. "Fine," I said," I'll be in my dressing room."
Ten minutes later I got the call. I walked out to take my place on the bed concentrating on just getting through this scene so I could drown my distaste at a local bar. Monique was already on the bed we were shooting on waiting under the comforter.
I took off my robe and handed it to a stage assistant and took my place beneath the blanket. I propped myself up and waited for the cue to start the scene.
"Just so you know," Monique said in that prissy little tone I had grown to hate so much, "I really want to get this on the first take. If you drop a line, just make it look natural and ad lib, ok?"
"Fuck, Terry, Can we just do this? I have shot a couple of scenes before, you know." I was losing my stomach for this already and we hadn't even started yet.
"Action!" he yelled.