All characters in this are over the age of thirty. I did not come up with the term Landlord White: someone cooler than me did. The sex occurs way at the end of the story. This is a character study that has sex in it.
"Seattle--CL--gigs--Please drive and accompany me to a funeral. Redheaded men preferred. Paid." Inside, the poster clarified they also wanted a ride back from the funeral, and an incalculable amount of drama would be present so they would rehearse an escape plan.
Stuart responded out of curiosity.It seemed weird. They traded details and he calmed down a little. Lorna didn't have a car and didn't drive for medical reasons. The funeral was in a week. He attached a photo from his old dating profile because he was too lazy to make a new one. He'd nearly fallen for a scam and was so embarrassed that he canceled everything.
Lorna sent him photos. Dark hair. Dark eyes. A green, cloth tartan face mask obscured her face from above her nose to slightly below her chin. "I will be wearing this." The second photo showed what she looked like without it. Thick black eyeliner ringed her eyes. extending into bats on the outer edges of her eyes. Pale violet eye shadow really brought out her eyes. Crimson lipstick somehow went well with it. Stuart sometimes wore makeup if he wanted to be memorable. Color theory was involved. Lorna wore a black t-shirt with "sunscreen forever" written on it. Muscular arms. "I want to meet tonight," she emailed. "Get to know you a little beforehand." Stuart asked for a virtual meet.
"What a lovely background," she said admiringly. "Oh, thanks," he chuckled. "I thought it'd be fun to stare at all day, or at least tolerable." A forest of mature evergreens beneath a cloudy sky. He'd taken the photo on his first and only hike. Lorna wore a black sweatshirt. Her black nail polish was chipped. She was pretty, he thought again. A silence. He was shy in most cases anyway.
"Are you talking at the funeral?" He didn't think he should ask who died. She gave a brief twitch of a smile. "No. If I'm heckled into it, I will bluntly explain I had no statement prepared because I couldn't decide what to say." She took a deep breath and blew it out. "There's going to be massive amounts of drama at the slightest provocation. I'm going so I can see for myself that the bastard really is dead."
"Oh, it's one of those funerals." They both laughed.
"I'm glad you said that."
Stuart was quietly in his own way, trying to figure out...this. He wound up asking Lorna about herself. They talked about books, music and movies they each liked. When the notification flashed across the screen that the free time was about to end, they switched off after she dialed his number. Laptops tucked safely away, they chatted on the phone uninterrupted.
Stuart set the phone down so he could get some water and saw the time. "It's been an hour!" he informed Lorna, stunned. "And we haven't even approached the uh," his voice lowered nervously, "Escape plan."
"No, that's fine," Lorna said, relief evident in her voice. "Talking to you has helped me loosen up a lot. I'm relieved i can still talk to people. Everything feels so weird and I wonder if I'm going crazy."
"Doesn't that mean you're not crazy?"
"I think it's just a saying. I don't really know about mental illness. I guess that was a poor choice of words." She sighed. "So, you're right. The escape plan. I want to write it down and talk through it together. Do you feel comfortable meeting in person? This quickly, I mean?"
Stuart was caught off-guard. He couldn't remember if any woman had asked him that before. "Sure."
Lorna suggested an indie coffee shop downtown. Stuart had gone there a few times with friends. It was open twenty-four hours, served decent breakfast fare plus pie, and had a conference room. The coffee drinks could be...creative...at times, but were mostly something he was glad for. There were two couches in the coffee shop as well as a regular tables and chairs setup. It was cozy. People came in with their dogs, and baristas gave the dogs water for free.
"Does seven work? I know the buses can be a little weird at night."
"That's fine."
"It's a date!" He hadn't meant to sound so enthusiastic. He didn't want to be sleazy.
"Great. I'll text you when I'm there."
Clouds often obscured the stars, and that night was no exception. Streetlights shone and made the streets seem to invite eager roaming with friends, rather than a desire to get home as soon as possible. Clusters of people waited silently for mass transit, or crowded sidewalks, chatting loudly with friends. Everyone wore sweatshirts or jackets. A few even wore winter coats. It was autumn, not even December. Winter in the city was gonna hit these people hard. Never any snow, but seemingly permanent cloudy grayness everywhere and a descending, chilly dampness that sank into one's bones and seemed like it would never come out. Lorna was a lifelong Seattle resident whose family had been here for nearly a hundred years. Stuart had only moved here a year prior.
Lorna was amongst the crowd that wore sweatshirts and jeans. "Do you want anything? I was waiting until you got here. It's on me."
They ate and chatted a little. Lorna had removed her mask to eat but put it back on as she pulled a notebook from the backpack she'd stashed under the table. The escape plan, was, well, an escape plan. Stuart had never planned one before, let alone followed through with it. He didn't have one single idea. Lorna grew increasingly anxious and kept changing her mind about the likelihood of possible scenarios.
"These people are a bunch of assholes," Stuart remarked calmly. "Do you--?" He hesitated, then finished his question. "Do you want to go for a drink? This is too complicated for a coffee shop."
Lorna stared at him incredulously. Just as Stuart was about to apologize, Lorna giggled. Her crow's feet, so faint at first glance, revealed themselves to be simultaneously shallow and unmistakable. The cascade of giggles turned into cackles, even as the woman covered her mouth with both hands. A little pointless considering the mask, but Stuart had a feeling it was a habit before the pandemic. She put her hands down, tried to say something, and was seized by giggles once more. "Yes," she hooted. "I'm calm, really."
"No, you're not," Stuart said, baffled.
"You're right." More laughter as they headed into the cool night.
Lorna took a few deep breaths as they waited for the light to change.
"There's a hockey bar I like, but it's too loud," Stuart mused.
"Ooh, I like it too! Good food, and so loud sometimes that I can't hear myself think." The servers had to lean down to hear customers sometimes. Normally places like that drove Stuart crazy, but there, it worked.
"There's a bar that--well, it's not--are you okay with me driving you--?"
"I'm already asking you to drive me to a funeral in a week," Lorna pointed out gently. "Thank you for inadvertently making me laugh back there. I didn't think I was--well, I hadn't really laughed since--" She stopped. Stuart touched her arm in sympathy.
"It's weird," Lorna shrugged. "Oh, you touching me is fine," she clarified. Stuart relaxed. The remark hung there.
The bar was tiny and tucked away from the road. While driving, if you wanted to see it, you had to crane your neck at a precise moment. Regulars brought friends for the live music on Fridays. It was a lively crowd and people were nice. Stuart had been going here for awhile and never seen anyone get kicked out. The booze was good and cheap. The food was good, especially for hangovers.
Lorna got positive comments on her mask. She grinned, as evidenced by the reappearing crow's feet and how her eyes changed. Others were happy to talk about tartans. Stuart listened politely. When the server came by, Stuart and Lorna produced IDs. "Can you keep an open tab?" Lorna asked the server.
"No, he can't, because I'm paying."
"Oh, come on," Lorna protested. "I was the one who asked you out!"
"And now we're squabbling like teenagers," is all Stuart could think to say. Lorna rubbed her forehead and asked for ginger ale with rum and pomegranate juice. Stuart asked for the same, but for vodka instead of rum.
They clinked glasses. Lorna took off her mask. "Ooh, this is good."
