My name is Ali Adab. When I sit back today and write about this earlier phase of my life, it looks very ridiculous and I realize how short sighted I was. But that is for another day. Today I have decided to pen about the first and foremost life changing event which led to the new awakened me. The reason I am putting this event here is that I cannot afford to put it elsewhere without causing lots of social issues.
I was an 18 year old young boy who had recently joined for nursing course in the medical college. I was the pride of my family and locality as few people from my locality managed to get this far. Before I went to join my classes, my father gave a big talk about the importance of the family and how to keep myself from losing my Islam way of life.
As we entered the second year of my medical college I was involved in many humanitarian endeavors. I used to visit many patients especially those in the cancer ward and spend time with them, help people who need blood for surgery by arranging donors. Many a time, I used to rope in my friends to do the blood donation. I used to feel this is what gives piety. But at the same time I used to limit my interaction with my classmates who are not of Islam faith. I used to spend times with only my select group of friends and used to have animosity to my Hindu brethren
Once just after my mid semester exams I had yet to get a conformed train ticket to go home. Most of my friends were leaving for their short vacation. As I had nothing else to do, I thought about visiting one of the wards to see a few patients. As I was walking through the ward I saw one young lady crying silently against the wall. So I enquired the nurse who directed me to a young man lying in the bed. As I went and talked to him I came to know that he was admitted with diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. He was admitted for palliative care. Seeing me talking to him, the lady who was crying behind the wall came and talked to me.
She told me her name was Basundara. She had come all the way from West Bengal with her 3 year old son to get treatment for her husband. She had only limited resources with her. I took her aside and asked the reason for her crying. So with trepidation she told that she had almost run out of money and she did not know how to purchase food for herself and her child. I was moved by the sorrow and dismay in her eyes, that I reassured her not to worry. I took down the address of the lodge where she was staying and left.
In the evening I managed to get some roti and egg for the mother and child and took it to the lodge. She greeted me warmly and I was making my excuses to go. But her son brought his toys and dragged me into the house to play with him. As I could not say no to the little one I entered her small one room lodge room. She opened the food packet and served it to her son who was eating it hungrily. As I sat watching this site, Basundara came and sat next to me. We started talking and she told me her life story. She was married of to her husband at the age of 14. In less than a year she had her son. They had a relatively happy married life despite the hardships and money was hard to come by. Her husband was hard working and he took care of her and child. He started becoming unwell about 6 months back and since then they were going to multiple local quacks who professed to heal hm. Finally getting tired of this she had come to the big city medical college to get treatment.
But now she had lost all hope and the doctors have given her husband only a few weeks to live. She was unsure what to do and how to even raise the money for the treatment. As she said this, tears started flowing freely and my heart was touched. I put my hand over her shoulder as she sobbed against my chest. I was staring at her forehead and noticed that she was just eighteen years old, one year older than me. She was fair with beautiful round face and innocent eyes. She had beautiful black oiled hair with a broad sindoor mark on her forehead and a slim petite body. As I clutched her shoulders while she sobbed the sight and thought of this young girl - woman, who is the wife of a stranger but utterly shattered and looking for consolation from me stirred the protective manly instincts in me. My eyes blurred with tears and my throat became dry as I held her closer. I placed my cheek against her forehead I got a thrill running down from my cheek through my heart and down to my groin.
I noticed the tingling in my groin with surprise. It was a feeling which was distinctly familiar to me. But I could not place it at the heat of the moment. And speaking of heat- I could literally feel the heat radiating from my body as well as feel the warm glow from where Basundara's body rested against me. After what felt like an eternity but must have been five or ten minutes she raised her head and looked at my face. She apologized for her emotional outburst and I reassured her it was fine. I must have told some vague half cooked monologue about the need for emotional release and how it is necessary for healthy human life. She smiled sheepishly and by then her son had drifted towards her, having finished his dinner and concerned by his mother's crying. So she took him in her arms and excused herself saying, she need to put him to sleep. She put him on the mat on the floor and slowly sang to him in a Bengali song, the words of which I could not understand.
As I kept gazing at her, my thoughts were in turmoil. Here was I gazing at a strange woman and thinking protectively about her like never before. I was having mixed thoughts of taking care of her from the world and its sorrows but at the same time wanting to keep her for myself and to touch and smell and taste her. As I kept listening to her lullaby she was lying on her side on the floor slowly caressing her son's forehead. My eyes slowly ran over her body taking in every curve and bulge in her sari. I noticed that her sari was of very fine material and that her blouse had very short sleeves. I could see her smooth fine milky arms and the deep cleft between her breasts being accentuated as she lay on her side. She was looking like a heavenly beauty suffering patiently with her ill husband and her son and realized that this was what I wanted in the woman who is to become the mother of my children. I gazed at the slow rise and fall of her breasts as she sang and the small dew of sweat running down her neck along her chest down into the fleshy gulf between her breasts. And I realized with growing horror and fascination that the tingling in my groin has translated to an erection.
As I squirmed to hide my erection she suddenly got up and came towards me. For a moment I thought she had seen me gawking at her or my erection. But as I saw the gentle smile on her face I realized with relief that I was still safe and my protective instincts took over. I crossed my leg and moved to the side to afford her space to sit beside me. As she brushed past me I got a whiff of her fragrance which reminded me of nature and earthen beauty. This was her scent, not masked by the fragrances and deodorants which all of us have taken on to wearing nowadays. This was the scent which I can only describe as the scent of a young woman with a whiff of sweat and the oil which she used on her hair. I looked deeply into her eyes smiling back at her with my heart brimming with love and joy. She smiled and thanked me for the help that I had been. As she mentioned it, her smile started fading and her beautiful face got clouded like the rain clouds on a sunny day. My heart yearned out to her and I leaned forward to comfort her.
At first she seemed surprised at my gesture as she stiffened her back then she resigned herself to her state and took comfort in my arms. I was enjoying the fragrance of her hair losing track of time. We remained like that for a while till I was shaken out of her fragrance induced reverie by the feeling of wetness on my shirt. As I lifted her face to me I could see tears pouring down her face. I comforted her and wiped her tears and on the spur of the moment kissed slightly on her tear and sindoor smeared forehead. She seemed mildly surprised by my actions but not shocked enough to let go of me. This emboldened me further and I hugged her closely to my chest. She hugged me back fiercely sobbing all the way and my hands wandered over her soft, warm milky arms. It reached the sleeves of her blouse and as I hugged her closer my fingers crept under the seams of her blouse sleeves. I felt the soft stubble of her underarm hair. This realization that I was touching something forbidden, brought a rush of warm blood pounding to my penis making me cringe with pain as it grew in the confines of my pants. I gasped and readjusted the crotch of my pants but it went unnoticed by Basundhara.
