It was a windy April afternoon in Upstate New York. There were very few clouds in the brilliant blue sky. The chapel was located less than a hundred yards from a large sparkling lake. It was the perfect setting for a lovely spring wedding.
As I pulled up to the chapel in my Honda Civic, I turned to the passenger seat where the bride sat. She was also my best friend of about twenty years.
"Are you going to throw up yet? Because I sure as hell think I'm going to." I groaned.
Sonja laughed and said, "It's not even your wedding! How do you think I feel?!"
"I knowwwww. I have to walk down that obscenely long aisle too! And alone! Ugh..." I mumbled. She looked at me and giggled. "Oh shut up and let's go, girl, I'm getting married!!!" she said.
We had decided years ago that we would be each other's maid or matron of honor when we finally got married. She beat me by about a year. My wedding date was about a year away from hers. It was planned for May of 2010. I had already been engaged to Travis for about four years or so. In my opinion, that is entirely way too long to be engaged. In the very beginning of our becoming newly engaged, I was excited about getting married. As the years went on, I felt less and less excited. Just recently, I was feeling more and more pressure from him about getting married. All of a sudden he was saying he would be happy with just going to a courthouse and getting married that way. He was trying to rush it for some reason. I was definitely not into that.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love him. And yes, getting married is exciting. I was excited about trying dresses on, having lots of pretty lilacs at my wedding, and walking down the aisle with my father. But when I asked myself if I was excited about whom I was walking down the aisle towards... Well, I could never give myself a straight answer. We had been together for so long (about seven years) that it just seemed like the logical next step to me. Did I want to spend my whole life with this man?
We walked into one of the rooms in the downstairs portion of the chapel. It was set up for the bride and the bridesmaids to get ready. The rest of the bridesmaids and the flower girls were already in there getting dressed. I stripped down to my bra and panties and slipped into my very pink dress. It was strapless, so I didn't need a bra. I took off my 38D bra and threw it onto the couch where my duffel bag was and adjusted myself. It was a good thing all of us girls were in some kind of clothing. The justice of peace barged right in without knocking or a "hello".
He walked over to the couch and picked up my bra and said, "Oh, this must be LeeAnn's."
I rolled my eyes at him and smirked. "Why do you think it's mine? Hmm? There are five other women in this room buddy", I asked him. He just laughed. He talked to Sonja about the ceremony and left. Any group of people I am with, I am always the "one with the big boobs". Goddamn genetics.
I called Travis on his cell to tell him to come around the chapel and meet me. I had to give him my camera so he could get pictures during the ceremony. He wasn't very good at photography, but I had no choice. It was either him or my mother. And she has a habit of breaking cameras. I walked outside and waited for him to walk around. He saw me and said, "You look beautiful." I looked at him like he had two heads. He usually isn't very verbal. In the past seven years, I have heard that only a handful of times. I'd like to consider myself pretty, but it always means so much more when your loved one tells you. I gave the camera to my mother so she could take a picture of Travis and I. When I look back at that picture, I can see how awkward we looked. It didn't look like there was any love there...
I walked back into the changing room. We were down to minutes left. We all gathered around with our mini bottles of liquor and toasted. Everyone was filing out of the room to head outside to the back of the chapel. I suddenly realized I didn't get any of the girls to do my makeup. I never wear makeup but I figured for a special occasion such as this, it wouldn't hurt. I wasn't capable of putting on makeup myself, and since I didn't have any of my own, I was pretty much screwed. I looked in the mirror and slicked on my trusty Cherry Chapstick. It never fails to make my pout shiny and kissable. With the shots we took minutes ago, and the wine we had at the hair salon at 9 a.m., I had a nice glow in my cheeks already. Not bad, I told myself.
I quickly caught up with the rest of the girls on the way around the chapel to the wooden double doors. Everyone lined up outside to get ready to walk through the doors and down the aisle. I thought I was going to throw up. What am I going to be like at my own wedding!? I thought. And for a quick moment, I didn't even see Travis in my mind when I thought "my own wedding."
We all made it down the aisle with no tripping or puking. The ceremony was wonderful. In the middle of it, I had to walk up to the podium and recite a poem that Sonja had chosen. I am not a very good public speaker, so I was almost hyperventilating. At the very end of the poem, I got choked up and almost spilled a couple of tears. The happy couple said their "I dos" and we were off down the aisle again. We made it outside and I waited for my mother and Travis to make their way out. They finally came out and Travis came up to me and gave me a hug. As I hugged him I was thinking to myself, why do I not feel anything at all? He was telling me how pretty I looked, for the second time within a half an hour. That had to be a record.
After all the guests congratulated the newlyweds, everyone started to head to their cars to go to the reception at the fire hall. I hopped in my car with Travis. My mother followed us in her Explorer. He dropped me off at the fire hall and told me he had to go find an ATM for cash in case I wanted something from the cash bar. That was another surprise. He never wanted me to drink. He always had a fit if I wanted to go out with my girlfriends, even if I was just drinking at their house. I thought to myself, yeah... let's see how many drinks he "lets" me have tonight. Ha!
The bridal party walked in to be introduced by the D.J.; the bridesmaids with the groomsmen, the bride with her husband. After being seated and making toasts (which I was not prepared for at all) we went up to get our food. It was delicious. They had roasted chicken and potatoes, baked ziti, and salads. After filling up on food and spilling some red wine on my dress, I walked over to one of the banquet tables where my mother and Travis were sitting. Travis pulled me onto his lap and I looked over his shoulder and noticed a guy looking at me. I had an idea of who he was, but I didn't know him personally. I knew his name was Jay. Sonja's sister, who was a bridesmaid, brought him as her date. My first thought was, what is he looking at?! Do I have a booger or something?! After a few minutes, I was still sitting on Travis' lap, and I randomly looked up and made eye contact with him. It only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like five minutes.
I thought, wow, he is REALLY hot...but why is he checking ME out?! Me...with my make-up-less face, looking like a piece of bubble gum with my very pink dress, not to mention, with a nice wine stain on it.. What on Earth could he possibly be looking at so intensely?
The party started when the music came on. We were all dancing, nobody drunk yet, just having a good time. Once or twice I actually got Travis to slow dance with me. Yet another surprise. He hated to dance. He kept trying to kiss me and be affectionate with me. He was rarely like that, especially in public. He didn't like P.D.A. I was kind of holding back for some reason.
"What has gotten into you?" I asked him while we were dancing.
"I don't know... it's just your dress... and your hair. You look really beautiful," he said.
