I hadn't seen Tracy in years - and I mean years.
We'd dated in our late high school and early college years, and I guess pretty much everyone thought that we would get married, but something happened and we just drifted apart. It wasn't that either of us "cheated" on the other, it was just life began to pull us in different directions. She was planning on medical school, and I was looking at an advanced degree in physics. I know, everyone you know who went into physics - especially advanced physics - was a total dweeb. While I'm sure that I had some dweeb in me, but I always thought of myself as more normal than that.
Anyway, at some point we more or less officially broke up, and and as it happens so often, we lost touch with one another. I'd seen her once in our old hometown when we happened to be visiting with our respective families around the fourth of July. It was a little awkward, but it passed. She was married and a doctor by then, and I had gotten my PhD and had just begun teaching at Columbia University in New York, and was also married with three young kids.
We went back to our respective lives and there was nothing more between us until years later when a mutual high school friend, Andy, suddenly developed cancer. I was sympathetic because I'd lost my wife to cancer, so he and I "chatted" regularly - sometimes on the phone and sometimes just using social media. I noticed that he and Tracy were friends on line, but I did not pursue anything. Another high school friend had mentioned that Tracy had given Andy some of her medical opinions on his condition, and I was glad that she had some expertise and insider info to offer Andy, and to the rest of us.
Then, one day I got a private message from her asking how my mother was doing. By now, my mother was in her 90s and had suffered a minor stroke. I responded and told Tracy that she was generally well, especially given the stroke, and I tried to get there as often as I could to see her. I asked about her mother, too, and found out that she had passed a few years ago. I thanked Tracy for asking about Mom, and expressed my condolences to her for her mom. That was the extent of it at that point.
After our PM exchange we went back to silence and our own lives, but I got curious about what was happening with her - I didn't even know what state she was living in - so I did a bit of snooping and looked up her social media profile. It said that she was living in Delaware, of all places, still doing a medical practice, and that she and her husband owned a small horse farm. The photos though only showed her with her horses and nothing with her husband. I kept creeping through posts until I found one that said that her marriage had ended. This kind of hit me, because I thought that she must have thought back to her parent's divorce that happened way back when we were dating. I remembered that it hit her pretty hard at the time and that her father had basically shut out the entire family after he left. I felt bad for her, and thought about contacting her, to tell her how sorry I was, but then thought that it would be awkward at best, so I sat on my knowledge wondering what I should do.
One day not long after that, I got a notice that Andy had passed away. It brought pangs of sorrow - bringing back memories of losing my wife, but also he was the first of our tight gang of friends to pass. I called his wife and spoke to her, telling her how sad I was, and that I was sorry for her loss. Of course, I went to the funeral. I had rented a Vrbo in town and planned to stay for several days. I'd rented this place before to look after Mom who was in a retirement village, by now in their assisted living section, so I figured I'd have time to visit her, and to visit with Andy's family and any other old friends who would make it into town.
At the funeral, most of the members of our "tight gang" were all there - Tom, Marcus, David, and me, but of course, not Andy. With the exception of Tom, I hadn't seen these guys in over three decades - life just seems to happen. While we were standing there together waiting for the service to start, I saw Marcus look up.
"Well, look who's here!" he said, stepping from the group, his arms out. I turned to see him wrap Tracy in a hug. She went from person to person hugging each one.
"It's good to see all the gang here for this," she was saying as she turned to me, and of course we hugged, too.
"It's been a long, long, long time," she whispered in my ear. "It feels good to hug you again!"
I hung on to her for a couple of extra seconds.
"I didn't know whether to expect you here," Tom said, ending and awkward moment when I was wondering what to say next.
"I haven't seen any of you in years," she was saying, "but with his cancer, Andy and I had talked several times, and I spoke with Melissa several times, too. I mean, I'm not an oncologist, but sometimes this shit can be scary for people outside the medical field - or inside it, too!"
The service was about to begin, and we all took our seats. Andy and Melissa had grown quite religious over the years, and I got a bit uncomfortable with it all, but they opened it up for people to share memories. Lots of their church friends shared stories of how devoted and devout he was.
I was a bit nervous in front of this crowd to get up, but I did it anyway.
"I knew Andy a bit earlier than many of you," I started, "in fact, we were in the same class in second grade, so it goes back a long, long way. I'm glad to see so many people here to show Melissa how loved he is - and I emphasize the word 'is.' Now, we've all grown since our high school days - I'm one of a 'gang' of guys who were all in band together, and we did just about everything together - including skipping school once or twice - I know, not what you expect from someone so devout, but it shows how we grow. Our 'gang' of six produced two engineers, a lawyer, a police chief, and two teachers, so even if we were a little rough around the edges back then, it shows how people can grow. We all loved Andy - both for the memories that we share - and I will spare you the sordid details here, but if you want more see me after...! Anyway, both for our memories that we share, and for the man that he grew into. He faced his cancer just exactly like everything else he did. Always moving forward, always living his life, never allowing bad circumstances to rule the way he lived. Sure, it took him off of his motorcycles, but it couldn't take him off his game and the way he approached life - with good humor, infectious energy, and eternal optimism that he was always going to find a way forward. I'm personally more philosophical than religious - I know that we are all going to die one day, but I hope to be able to take some of Andy's humor, energy, and optimism with me. Melissa, I'm sorry for your loss, and to his 'kids' - you're all grown, for crying out loud! - I'm sorry for your loss, too, but in the end, remember how blessed you were to have him for so long. Even though we'd lost touch for a long time, when we reconnected on social media, and then we got together a few times in person, I'm certainly glad to have known him as long as I did. Andy," I said, turning to the urn, "we all love you and we will miss you terribly!"
When I got back to the pew, Tracy was in tears.
"That was a beautiful tribute!" she said, hugging me again.
Marcus and Tom both shook my hand as I sat down, and David was at the end of the pew and nodded my way. After the service several people thanked me for my remarks, including others from our high school class that were there. I had not been big on reunions, so I had not seen many of these people since our high school days.
The "gang" and Tracy and a couple of others from our band days went out to eat afterward. We had good food and good booze and told stories - mostly involving Andy, but not all - well into the night. In fact, we closed the restaurant. As the crowd was finally dispersing into their cars, Tracy found me again.
"I have a room at the Holiday Inn out by the bypass. If if's not too forward, would you like to come by? Or come have breakfast with me? I'd really love to talk to you some more."
I almost invited her over to my Vrbo, but this was a bit unseemly to me - to hook up (even though I was not sure where this might lead) at a friend's funeral?
"How about breakfast?" I replied, "It would be nice to catch up. What time?"
"As a doctor, I'm usually up early," she said, "I bet it's earlier than a college professor!"
"Hmm, probably, but I can be there at 7:00 if you'd like."
"Well, make it 7:30 - it's kind of late already. I'll meet you in the restaurant at the hotel. My treat!"
I watched her get into a Porsche 718 Spyder - bright yellow.
"Nice car!" I said.
"Gets me to the grocery store and back!" she said as she closed the door and drove off. I noticed the license plate - "IM FR33".
I thought a lot about her as I drove to the place I'd rented. We'd both changed a lot. She was always smart as a whip, but back then seemed to me to lack confidence, but now she was clearly confident as a woman and as a doctor. She was still a beauty, too, though we were both in our early 60s, so neither of us appeared to be spring chickens anymore. She was still lithe in build and I guessed that she kept in shape, something that I tried to do, too. She still had brunette hair, but it was cut pretty short, not like the tresses that hung past her shoulders in college. My light red hair had mostly gone grey, and I had a van dyke style beard. I'd grown a full beard, but my wife didn't like it that way, and I experimented until the van dyke was acceptable to her.
The next morning I went into the restaurant at the hotel at about 7:25 and asked the hostess for a table for two. Tracy showed up about 7:45.
"Sorry I'm a little late!" she said, kissing my cheek before sitting opposite me.
"Just like when I have an appointment with my doctor!" I said, smiling - I hoped enough so that she would see it as a joke.
"Oh, ha, ha!" she said, mockingly, "I think I was a little hung over from last night - it was hard to wake up this morning! You didn't feel it?"
"No, I switched to water at some point and took a walk once I got back last night."
