"Come on, live a little." I read the message from "goodolboy42" while laying in bed one evening "I'm a nice guy. I promise."
I was suffering the aftermath of a debilitating emotional affair I couldn't shake. I had tried talking to a therapist, getting help from friends, and "taking time out for myself" (whatever that means) but nothing helped.
That's why I decided to join a dating site to help married people cheat.
Yes I know having an affair to get over an affair is a really bad idea, but I needed something to distract me from Tommy, a guy I met at work I couldn't get out of my head.
It was agony. I thought of Tommy literally all the time. Getting ready in the morning, at the grocery store, in line at the bank and mostly in bed at night. I even dreamed about the man and to make things worse he was inescapable as we worked together in the same building. Even seeing him casually caused hope to return even though we'd had "that" conversation. The one that went "I'm sorry. I'm married. I can't see you anymore."
I reread the message from "goodolboy42" and turned his proposition over in my mind. "Come on, live a little. I'm a nice guy. I promise."
While debating my turn even further to the dark side, my husband Scott was busy ignoring me in the living room. If he talked to me at all it was to chastise me for not paying a bill or forgetting to empty the dishwasher. The rest of the time I might as well have been an a fly to be waved away at a picnic lunch.
If I talk to him and he's sweet, I won't cheat. If he bites my head off or ignores me, well...I'm not sure. I thought to myself. After all, falling into an affair is one thing. Diving in head first is a whole other level of awful. I entered the living room.
"Hi Honey." I started. I got a dim "um" in response. His eyes glued to his phone.
"How was work?" still nothing. I tried a few more times to get him to talk, but it my efforts were futile. "well, I guess I'm going to bed. Should I wait for you?"
Needless to say, the answer was "no." I let out a sigh.
The next day I set my GPS for the restaurant Jeff had suggested. I tried to calm myself. It was only lunch. If I changed my mind I could leave. I didn't have to do anything. Still, my heart wouldn't listen to my head and it raced right along with the anticipation.
I entered the restaurant and scanned the crowed. Jeff was easy to spot. His beer gut was more pronounced than his profile picture lead me to believe, but he was still muscular and hot in a country boy sort of way. I decided I liked him right off. He was tatted up with a buzz cut probably left over from his days in the military. The fact that he had piercing blue eyes didn't hurt either.
"Wow, you look good, girl!" he complimented first off, his eyes dancing and his Texas accent evident. "You sure you're 35?" This guy was a flatterer and definitely from the south. Even if I knew it wasn't exactly true, I was loving it.
"So tell about yourself. Why did you decide to sign up with a site that helps married people have affairs?' he asked after we had ordered our sandwiches.
I thought it best not to mention other men in my life. "I needed a diversion I guess." I answered quickly. "You?"
"Marriage got stale..." he said with a drawl. "I don't want to leave her, but I need something else." I got the feeling that something else was sex.
"Fair enough." I continued. I certainly wasn't in a place to judge. I just wanted to feel better and be taken away from my problems -even if replacing Tommy for Jeff was like replacing pot with heroine.
After we ordered our turkey and ham sandwiches respectively, I asked about his tattoos. I'd never been with a guy who had any ink and was both a little scared and turned on by someone with a lot of it.
"Do you regret them?" I asked remembering something I had read about tattoo remorse.