It is the audition for the play... I am Mr. A, one of your students' uncle, who has volunteered to direct you lot at the charity event.
Black hair with occasional strands of silver, tall, well built and dark, an editor in the technology research department of a prominent automobile magazine. Short buzzcut nape and facial hair, a well shaped and kempt instance of a beard... with piercing dark eyes, voice like rumbling deep and woody in the distance.
That's when I notice you, self-conscious and shy, but oh my, looking at you, that face with the seductive eyes, and lips that beg lust yet stands deprived of it...the typical reserved school librarian, all woman, with a body to die for, who just wants to be liked.
"Su, you have no reason to be this tense... just calm down, go on, try and touch your toes and wiggle your arms like I showed you, yes?"
You are trying out for the play... I see you, as you laugh...smile...nod "Yes Mr. A... I remember... I do"
I look at you, with a serious expression and the hint of a supportive smile*
"There you go!"
"Thanks for the advice...I want to do well," you respond.
I see you looking around...
"There are a lot of folks trying out... Wow..."
"I know you are a natural at this, and for what it's worth you are phenomenal. Just relax and feel the character... You got this... And no Jeremy that is not what a codpiece looks like, excuse me Su, just keep loose and relax, ok? Jeremy I see you pull something like that backstage... *gesturing 2 eyes and pointing sternly with a deadpane tone to Jeremy*
Watching you cannot help but laugh at these shenanigans.
As I walk to the center of the stage...
"Places Everyone."
Everyone stands... as they shift around.
You, wearing jeans that are amazingly flattering to your breathtaking figure...and a loose top...the type you wear, to sort of try and hide your assets up top, something you are very self conscious about...
"Julius Caeser Scene 1 Act 2!"
I declare, In a loud announcement, more akin to a military order than a directorial call...
*Caeser in his bedchambers, waking from his slumber to the voice of Calpurnia screaming. You being Calpurnia. *
You step up...nervous...nodding "I'll try"
"Action."
Watching you now...The expression on my face unwavering and still... with a hint of... something else... seeing you trying to slip into the role...self-conscious... but trying...
You deliver your lines with conviction, your tone steady and calm despite your perspiring body and blushed skin...
The boy Caeser touches you, me watching you flinch a little, but only just... You are instantly relieved when we're done...looking nervous.
"Well folks I think we've just cast our leading lady. Su, you are Calpurnia."
Standing up, my 6' frame walking towards you as I hand you a booklet with my outstretched arm...
"Yes. Reallly. Practise everyday 5-7 after class, think you can handle it starlet?" Looking you dead in your eyes as I ask. You are sweating, quite profusely, your heavy bosom rising and falling as you breathe, the intensity of our interactions today leaving your shapely mouth open a bit...
Watching your big smile, as I respond, "We'll see." Some grumbling behind me from others that thought they were better.
Looking directly at them, "Very good, I believe you can take a few moments and coordinate yourselves, I am sure that Su is every bit as dedicated to her role as you just saw. We will be a democracy here on stage just as Rome, yes? and I think now, Jeremy, do you think that it is in the least bit humorous wagging that wig across your prepubescent genitals?"
I start walking to the edge of stage as a scrawny Jeremy runs for his life. Everyone giggles...Jeremy again...
*Days pass as I bring the group together, the progression is swift and the performances on everyone on team is getting better and better... The new friends in your circle now understanding you better as a person, beyond the obvious...'indications' on you physically... a re-rehearsal now, few days before the screening, your scene.
You are trying hard... like you have every day... not in costumes...grown significantly in confidence...
"Yes, I see what you are trying Su, but I believe you can push further past that... Calpurnia is the embodiment of the Latin warrior spirit, a true blooded real woman who is unshaken and unnerved in her attention and tending to her state. Her part is just as significant as Caeser's, if not more, because until her moment, he was utterly in a state of oblivious arrogance, or should I say, ambition? So you are presenting comfort to his distress, but it is in the how my dear, focus on who you are... What is the balance struck between strength and compassion?"
Watching you nod seriously as I talk...
You respond, "His wife? Partner?"
"um...well...um...caretaker, hostess?"
Come on, think Su, this is not something I can tell you, you need to experience this from within... To tell you would be to treat you like a child, think..."
Watching you getting nervous and frustrated..."um...i...i am... Mr. A"...looking around for help
Others on stage tired after a long day of practice and exhaustion... Their roles would take more time, as they sigh... One of them comes to me, asking if they can leave, they know that the lynchpin in the play are only the three of you playing Calpurnia, Caesar and Antony... I nod, completely engrossed in our discussion.
They get up to leave as one after the other wish you goodbye, and good luck and so forth waving as they go home...
You smile...wave...trying to understand what you're looking for...worried that you are letting me down somehow...
We try and work it through a few more times, before realizing that it is very late and that we are probably too exhausted.
You are frustrated, unsure of your performance and motive... "I'll call it in then until next time..."
"Hmm... yes, I think that we need a little cooling off too Su, you are and I are exhausted physically and mentally drained... We'll pick this up tomorrow, yes?"
You had been seeing me working so hard all day as well, getting tired , perhaps the most...
I watch you gathering your things...stuffing your backpack... your top clinging to you, the tips showing, with a peculiar feature that I had noticed before... It stirring inside me something primal...