She was there again today.
It had been almost a week since she last appeared, walking down towards me along the station platform, walking on those luscious long legs, her beautiful slim body held erect and confident. On that last occasion she had been wearing a pure white cotton dress which had all but disappeared as she stood against the sunlight at our end of the platform, waiting for the train to arrive. The image of her indescribably sexy profile had burned itself in my brain, the swell of her breasts, the flatness of her stomach, the curve of her bottom; she had stood against the light, turning slightly as she waited, displaying her perfect form to me alone. Then we had exchanged our customary smile and a nod in greeting to each other. The image of her had stayed with me all that day and had been the cause of and the inspiration for my masturbation that night. Thoughts of her standing there in that dress or standing naked before me in my room, gently turning her body from side to side, presenting herself to me. I had fantasised about running my hands over her, stroking, caressing, touching, exciting. My coming that night had been strong and powerful, a tribute to her perfection and unattainability.
I called her 'Angela', my angel. We had never spoken, never talked to each other, but each day as we waited for our train we had exchanged a smile and nod of recognition - two total strangers on the same journey. She was flawless, a few years younger than me - probably in her mid-twenties. Tall, slim, elegant with long, flowing blonde hair reaching down to her shoulder blades. She had always dressed immaculately, her sense of style and fashion as perfect as her body. She had a tendency towards sexy styles that would offer a hint of revelation whilst still keeping her modestly covered. Clothes that made you keep watching her, just in case you got to see more than you should. A blouse with a low neckline, a figure hugging skirt with a deep slash in the thigh, tall heels that emphasised her height and made her bottom more prominent as she walked. Yes, my angel knew how to dress, how to hold herself, how to walk through a busy station to ensure that every male head, and quite a few female ones as well, would turn to watch her as she passed by.
Today though, was different. As she hurried along the platform I could see there was something wrong. She didn't have her normal poise, she was almost hunched over, as if trying to hide herself from sight. Rather than her normal elegant clothing she wore slacks and a t-shirt and had sneakers on her feet. Her t-shirt was crumpled, obviously put on un-ironed, its colour clashing with her trousers. He lovely blonde hair was hanging loose, slightly tangled, only roughly brushed. It kept falling across her face as she walked towards me, and she would push it back sharply, a frown on her face. No smile or nod this morning as she threw herself down into the next bench along the platform from where I was sitting and wrapped her arms around herself, hiding away from the world. Obviously something was wrong, something had happened in the few days she had been absent from our daily ritual to upset the confidence she normally exuded. I was disturbed, upset. This was my angel, my morning vision. I looked forward each morning to her arrival, admiring and desiring her from afar. Like a goddess, she was unapproachable for any mortal, exquisite and perfect, a creature of dreams.
As I pondered the change that had come over her our train drew into the station and broke my attention. The carriage was full, as usual, but we both got seats at on the same row, she facing me, but just across the aisle. I was able to watch her as the train rattled and groaned its way into the city. She was wearing no makeup, another change from normal, and had dark smudges under her eyes. It seemed that whatever was wrong was causing sleepless nights. She sat in silence, hunched over, staring at the floor. Normally she would have been erect and smiling, conscious of the admiring looks she drew, but not acknowledging them in any way. Today, she was withdrawn, her arms or legs twitching slightly on occasions, her lips moving silently as though talking to herself. Sudden, frightened looks darting round the carriage, before she resumed her study of the floor. I was horrified by the change in her, something dreadful had happened to my angel and I couldn't look away.
The train eventually pulled into the city station and the carriage emptied. She and I carried on a couple more stops to a station on the outskirts of the city and it was this extra journey in an empty carriage that had led to us acknowledging each other and started our daily ritual of a silent greeting. Today, there was just us two and three other people further down the carriage remaining on the train as it pulled away. She continued to stare at the floor, but suddenly, harshly, wiped at her eye with the back of one hand, as if wiping away a tear.
I couldn't help myself, I had to speak to her. "Excuse me," I started, leaning towards her, "is everything alright? I couldn't help...' My words trailed off as she glared at me, a look of pure hatred. "I'm sorry," I said, sitting back and turning away, "I don't mean to intrude."
Her expression softened. "No," she said, "I'm sorry. It's OK." And she turned to look out of the window. A moment later I heard a small sniff, but didn't dare approach her again.
A couple of minutes later, she turned towards me and opened her mouth as if to speak, but shut it again and turned back to the window. This was repeated twice more before she suddenly blurted out, "are you married?"
I was taken aback. "Err... Separated." I managed to utter. She nodded and turned back to the window.
More moments passed. "Were you unfaithful?" was barked across at me, accompanied by an hard expression, with narrowed eyes.
"No, never. Apparently, the bonds of our marriage were damaging to her aura and she could no longer feel at peace with her inner spirit." I smiled grimly at the seat opposite me, remembering that night nine months ago when my world had fallen apart. Sam had been younger than me, a free spirit I should never have tried to hold on to. Our brief marriage had been fun to start with, but had quickly grown into an intolerable burden to both of us.
My angel stared at me, expressionless for a few moments before uttering "Hmm," and returning to staring out of the window.
We spoke no more until the train was approaching our stop and we stood, ready to depart. Then, suddenly, unexpectedly, she asked "if you were married to me, would you be unfaithful then?"
My mind reeled at the personal, intimate nature of the question. A question that no strangers would ever ask, that broke the rules of polite interaction. I was flustered, and reacted without thinking, "God, no. You're beautiful, perfect."
A smile broke out on her face for the first time that day,transforming her back into the angel I had admired for so long. "Thank you for the compliment," she answered with a chuckle, before her face hardened again, "but that lying, cheating bastard of my husband didn't seem to think so!" Then, turning she stepped off the train.
It took a moment or two for me to gather my wits and follow her and she was several steps ahead of me as we approached the barrier. She fumbled with her ticket, trying to get it into the machine to allow her to pass through and this allowed me to catch up with her. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't line the ticket up properly. "Please," I offered, taking the ticket from her, "let me." I fed the ticket into the machine and she smiled at me in thanks. I passed through behind her and as we prepared to go our separate ways, asked her "will you be alright?"
She paused, flustered. "I can't face work today," she suddenly blurted out. "I thought I could, but I can't." Then, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she asked "will you take me for a coffee?"
"Err..." I thought quickly, I had a visitor coming to see me in an hour and a half, but nothing urgent before then. I could arrive late and make some excuse without causing any great problems.
"I'm sorry," she said, mistaking my hesitation for unwillingness. "I had no right asking you that. You have your work to go to. I'll be OK."
"No. It's alright," I answered quickly, "I was just working out how long I could be away. There's a Starbucks just down the road, if you want."
She smiled, and linked her hand round my arm as we turned in that direction. "Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry to be a nuisance, I just don't want to be alone."