And there was the text. Hey you, what are you doing? I look at the sender, it's from him. Should I ignore it, or should I text him back? I really want to talk to him badly; I want to see him in the worst way. Here we go again, ugg I am so glad that he texted me, yet I am so sad at the prospect that the right thing to do would be to ignore him and let him go.
I cradle the phone in my hand like it is the last precious thing on Earth to me and I just stare at the screen. Are you going to text me back or not? He is pretty persistent, does he know that I am looking at the phone and staring at his message and not making a choice? Cat... Oh fuck, he knows that nothing gets to me more than when he calls me that. Fine fuck it; it's probably nothing more than him just needing to get validation from me that he is still a stud muffin.
Yes? I texted him back. Ah good there you are, came the next text. Hey, I need to ask you for a favor, can you meet me somewhere in about 30 minutes? Great, I am just so fucking excited about meeting him somewhere I could shit. I don't want to get turned on and wrapped up and turned every which way but loose. First off I ask, for what? Is this a social call, or are you just wanting me to give you information. If that is the case, you already know everything I know, plus what you know. And what I know that you don't, I am not going to tell you anyhow.
There Mr. Sexy pants, take that. I felt so good telling him that. Then the response sent me in a tail spin. I just want to talk to you Cat to clarify a few things, is that okay? My heart dropped in my stomach. What do we need to clarify Todd? Can't you just tell me over text that you loved me like a friend, will always love me like a friend and that is the way it will always be? I thought that I finally gotten rid of him, the phone never texted back that night.
Well that was easy I thought to myself as I got ready for bed. Stupid me I cried myself to sleep that night. Why did he even feel that he needed to contact me? I got out of bed, new day, new me, I can do this, I can be stronger today, I can work through my angst all day and I can build myself up. I made the right decision and I told him how it was and what I believed that he needed to tell me and I could get on with it. My life is far less complicated without having to worry about him every second of the day. The obsession was driving me crazy.
I got up and since I had full run of the house with my roommate being gone on a road trip, I took the liberty of roaming room to room naked. I knew what I needed to get done today, feed the animals, vacuum the floor, do the laundry, clean the kitchen and eventually head out to the ex's house to help them. I remained friends with my ex. We decided that it would be best for the kids to help each other and be an active part in each other's lives. There was no physical connection there anymore which was what I preferred, I always felt hollow and empty any time we attempted to make love. There was just nothing there anymore.