Every time I fell from grace, I got a bruise. Usually from a crop, but sometimes from a flogger too.
That said, I fell from grace often, and I bruised easily.
I enjoyed the temporary tattoos that his ropes imparted on my flesh. I let him photograph me during the session and after. He let me delete the pictures that I felt might identify me or were more porn than art. Sometimes he hemmed and hawed, particularly if it was a good photo, but in the end he acquiesced. That was the agreement. Before leaving, he copied the files onto my computer so that I could enjoy them after the tattoos and bruises faded. What he did with his copies, I didn't know.
He tied me up. Sometimes he took me when I was helpless. I let him. It was all part of the experience, for him and for me.
He said his wife didn't allow him to practice his art on her. Different strokes. I had no opinion on his infidelity. I could have sympathized with the faceless woman with whom he shared most of his life, but I chose not to. If that made me a terrible person, so be it. It wasn't like I pledged allegiance to the sorority.
We were not lovers. Not really. We were collaborators.
He had his needs. I had mine.
This evening, he arrived on time as he always did. I answered the door in my robe, naked and ready underneath. I was wearing the black leather cat mask he gave me months ago. It was my game face and covered all but the tip of my nose and down. It allowed him to photograph more than he otherwise might have been able to do. He gave me a hug, all tender and comfortably proprietary. Then he was into my apartment with his equipment in bags.
I watched as he set up the camera on a tripod, right now off in the corner of my bedroom. A tremor of anticipation fluttered in my stomach and I could feel the first hints of dampness down there. Pre-game jitters. He had long black hair which he had the good taste not to tie up in a topknot. A trim beard shadowed his face. Tonight he wore a black shirt and black jeans. A bit Johnny Cash, but I couldn't help it if he lacked sartorial variety. Underneath his clothes hid a trim body, corded muscles and taut sinew.
It was like I didn't exist as he set up. He was planning, going through the steps, the scene. After dealing with the camera, he unpacked the other bag. Coils of hemp rope of various thicknesses were arrayed on my dresser. Then a crop and a flogger that we may or may not use. He just wanted me to know that he could. An anal hook. That was a new one. He glanced at me for a reaction. I didn't give him one. I was willing to try anything once.
He was careful and conscientious. During a scene, he often asked me for a number. One being comfortable and ten being intolerable. If I was wearing a ball gag or a bit and couldn't speak, he ran through the numbers and I would shake my head or nod. If I could do neither, he gave me something to hold in my hand that I could drop as a signal. He never let me get to ten, seldom to nine. If I ever got there and he couldn't untie me quickly enough, he had scissors to set me free.
He didn't insist on being called Master or any such thing. I wasn't his slave. Usually he was just Malcolm. And I was usually just Jeannie. But we seldom called each other by our names.
"Ready?" he asked.
I nodded.
"Anything I need to be aware of?"
He meant aches and pains that he needed to work around. Psychological blocks or whatever. "No."
"Alright."
I dropped my robe.
He never told me in advance what he had planned. I enjoyed the surprise and knew that I had veto power if he ever went too far.
Tonight he started with the tried and true, something he knew I liked. Tails of the rope through the bight behind my back, wrapped twice beneath my breasts. Four layers of rope, perfectly parallel. It was snug but comfortable. He repeated the process, reversing tension as he went, and soon I had four strands over my breasts as well. Then double strands looped from my back and over my shoulder. He drew the ropes together between my breasts and cinched everything together. Over my shoulder again and he tied off the first length of rope. As he worked on the harness, I watched in the mirror. Malcolm has done this many times before. His movements were economical and sure, and he was attentive that the tails were under control and didn't whip around. He lightly brushed my breasts as he worked, but this contact was incidental and was at once calming and exciting. It never made sense to me that I could enjoy competing sensations like this, but that was how it worked.
"All good?" he asked.
It was a routine question. There was nothing alarming about a harness. It was more aesthetic than anything. He ran his index finger beneath the ropes to even out the tension even though I was fine with it the way it was. I suspected that he knew it too, but just wanted to feel my skin. I had no arguments. I wanted my skin felt. "Fine," I said.
What Malcolm and I had was my best kept secret. My liberated friends wouldn't understand this fetish. Being trussed up. Immobile and helpless. Being used.
Men had a rich history of taking advantage of helplessness, of abusing trust. Malcolm too. His wife would realize that if she ever found out.
He took a couple of pictures although he probably had dozens of the same from previous sessions.
He returned to the dresser and selected another coil of rope and let it unfurl to the floor.
The next item up was a waist harness. I spread my legs a little to accommodate his hands. This time, Malcolm worked primarily in front of me, on his knees. I felt momentarily like an idol and he a supplicant. He wound the rope several times around my waist to form a belt and then worked on the length that would go between my legs. He tied a knot and positioned it directly on my clitoris, running the rest of the rope between my legs and tying it off tightly on the rope belt. I warmed at his fingers so close to my pussy, but they were intent on other business.
He placed a pillow a couple of feet from the headboard. Above the headboard was an enlarged photograph of my arm and the side of my breast hidden in shadow. My arm bore the impressions of the rope. I remembered how tight it had been in service of just this picture. He wanted the rope marks to be clear and emphatic. It was a simple photo, but one of my favorites.
"Now I want you to lie down on your front."
I complied. My breasts, captured as they were between ropes, didn't quite flatten as they normally would. I was aware of their distended fullness in a way I normally wasn't.
While I positioned myself, I heard him return to the dresser. Several coils of rope were placed next to me on the bed. I glanced at them. Malcolm appeared intent on going all out tonight.
He straddled me as though he were riding a small and not particularly mobile pony. Something shifted on the belt. The knot moved just a little against my clit and the ropes pressed the margins of my anus. I closed my eyes and just breathed. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable. Just foreign enough for me to want to concentrate on the sensations.
Soon he took hold of my wrists and held them together behind my back, informing me wordlessly about what was to come next. An arm binder. I couldn't see what he was doing but I could certainly feel it. My wrists were tied together and then he proceeded to bind my elbows and upper arms. My shoulders complained a little. Here was the initial move of my descent into helplessness. His nimble fingers tied knots and tested the tension. This was when I had to breathe deeply and trust.
"Number?" he asked.
"Four."
I started to get jazzed at this point. The breast and waist harnesses were decorative. This was incapacitating. This was when my transfer of power to Malcolm expressed itself. However much I trusted him, always in the back of my mind was the fact that I was absolutely helpless and that this game could easily be stripped of its veneer and become something else entirely.
He could easily remove my mask and take pictures of my face and there was little I could do about it. He could do any number of things to my body. He had physical control of it, after all. He could ignore the numbers entirely. Go to ten. Go beyond ten. Trust was such a comfort.
I set those thoughts aside. If he were intent on abuse, he could have done it before.
"I'm going to do your legs now."
It was reassuring to hear his voice, reinforcing that we were partners in this tableau.