I work for an insurance company as an Assessor. It's strange, but some people seem to think that insurance companies are run by generous and gullible idiots who will listen to their sob story and then throw money at them. It doesn't quite work that way. Our helpful people will certainly listen to your sob story but before they throw money to you they often have someone like me investigate.
I will go out to the site of the calamity and check things out and make a recommendation to the company as to the validity of the claim. This can result in claimants getting letters saying yes, we're sorry that your house burnt down and that you lost everything, but it was noted that the furniture you're claiming for was actually stored at a friend's house from the day before the fire took place. It is also considered that pouring gas all over the floor and dropping a match is not grounds for claiming an accidental fire.
It's amazing how stroppy some people get when you turn down a claim. It's always my fault that they're out of pocket. Their arson is irrelevant because anyone can plainly see the house burnt down. Yes, definitely my fault.
One recent case I had was to drive out to the country to check out a farm high in the hills. As far as I was concerned these hills were high enough to be called mountains. The claim was for the replacement of a tractor. The owner had a new for old replacement policy and had had it for a few years, paying his premium regularly and in a timely manner. Still, replacing an old tractor with a new one could be a costly exercise. Those things are not cheap.
The reason I was checking up was the simple fact that tractors are not easy things to destroy. They're built to take a lot of punishment. Sure, they break down, but breakdowns aren't covered. They're considered fair wear and tear. This claim was for a destroyed tractor and I was interested to see how they managed to destroy it.
Way up in the mountains I came to the farm. Not a bad place, really, being well maintained and looking prosperous. I pulled up and knocked on the front door.
A couple of teenagers answered the door and I decided that this was my lucky day. Approve or deny the claim, my day was made by the sight of these two young lovelies. They looked enough alike to be twins. They stood about five foot six, had black hair and hazel eyes. Their skin was lightly tanned and silky smooth from what I could see and I could see a lot of it. They were both dressed the same in ragged shorts and cut-off tops. The bare essentials were covered but that was it.
"Good morning," I greeted them, smiling happily. "I'm from the insurance company, here to check the damage to the tractor."
That's when things started going downhill.
"You're not fucking us," snapped girl one.
"Yeah," agreed girl two.
Both of them were giving me black looks.
"OK," I said, drawing it out slowly while I tried to catch on to what was going on. "Ah, are you twins?"
"Do we look like twins?" came the prompt rejoinder.
"Um, as a matter of fact, yes," I admitted, feeling silly for even asking.
"Well, we're not. We're nothing alike. For a start Sally is only eighteen, a full year younger than me."
"And I'm a D cup," put in Sally. "Mae's only a C. Anyone can tell we're not twins."
My eyes drifted down to their cups. C versus D? Both sets looked fine to me and if Sally was slightly larger than Mae then slightly was the operative word.
"Like I said, I'm here to look at the tractor. What makes you think I'll try to fuck you?"
"Apart from the fact that you're a man?" Mae asked sweetly.
"Um, apart from that," I agreed.
"Pa said that a stooge for the insurance would be coming around to check the tractor and that he'd do his best to fuck us and we weren't to let you," Mae had pleasure in informing me.
"Ah, I see. Perhaps you misunderstood his meaning. I suspect that he was trying to tell you that I would try to cheat you out of your insurance claim and that you weren't to let me."
"No," said Sally speaking rather decisively. "He did mention that the insurance creep would try to find a reason not to pay us but that was before he told us that you'd probably try to fuck us."
OK. Time to get to work. Thinking about fucking one of those gems was doing naughty things to me.
"If you could show me the tractor?" I suggested.
"Right," said Mae. "Follow me."
She stepped past me, walking towards the side of the house. I followed, watching her bottom swish back and forth as she went. Then I was watching two bottoms swish as Sally hurried past me to walk next to her sister.
"He was watching your bottom wiggle," she hissed quietly to her sister. Trouble is, I have excellent hearing and caught the whisper.
Mae just made a humphing sound and continued on, her bottom swishing in a more pronounced manner. So was Sally's.
We passed the house, heading towards the barn. We didn't enter the barn but went around the side of it and there was the tractor, or the remains of the tractor. It was pretty obvious what had happened. The tractor had been parked next to a big old oak tree and at some stage the oak tree just gave up the ghost and fell over.
When I say big and old I mean very old and very big. The tree must have been in the vicinity of two hundred years old and probably weighed tons. The trunk had landed neatly across the engine compartment and totally crushed it, with heavy branches putting paid to the cabin. Just one look was all I needed to know that the tractor was a complete write off.
"Any idea how it happened?" I asked.
"It was a windy night and we heard a crash. Next morning we found this."
"You didn't go out and check when you heard the crash?" I asked. I'd have thought that would be the logical thing to do.
"Of course," said Sally, sounding scornful. "We're not idiots. Pa raced out and checked the barn as soon as we heard the crash. The barn and the animals were fine so he came back inside, figuring anything else could wait until the morning. He was really pissed off when he went to get the tractor. How do you clear away the wreckage when it's the tractor that's wrecked?"
I took a couple of photos to show what had happened. I'd read their policy before coming and they were covered and would be paid out. Actually, what would probably happen was that the company would tell them to pick up an equivalent tractor at one of the big firms we deal with. We get substantial discounts and having an item replaced rather than being paid out in cash tended to discourage fraud.
I told the girls that I would recommend the claim be approved and that their father should get a letter to this effect shortly. That had them smiling.
"Now, before I go," I said. "As a matter of curiosity do you do everything your father tells you?"
The girls looked at each other and then back at me. Mae gave a small shrug.
