It was a normal boring Wednesday in the office. Dean was running some new cabling, Fred was talking some fool through a simple Excel macro, and Jane was up to her elbows in a server, waving screwdrivers and reaching round for the new boards she was installing.
The Super poked his head out of his office. "Dillon", he called to me. "Get your ass in here."
"Ah shit man, what have you done this time?" Jane said.
"Fucked if I know," I replied, and headed over to the supervisor's cubicle. I knocked twice on the wall beside the doorway - no doors on this floor, us techies didn't warrant privacy - and stepped in. "S'up?"
"Ms Danielle Beech has requested, nay demanded, the pleasure of your company up on 17," he said. Oh fuck, I thought. Jane was right... What had I done?
"Any idea why?"
"She didn't say. Just get your ass upstairs," he said. "You don't want another write-up on your file."
"Man, you and I both know that was bullshit."
"Don't make me deal with HR again, that's all I'm saying. Whatever she wants, you do it, and keep that smart mouth of yours shut. Am I clear?"
"Yessir!" I saluted, and walked out to the sound of the Super chuckling to himself.
"Well?" Jane asked as I came back onto the floor.
"Gotta go see Queen Bitch," I said, picking up a few likely spares and popping them in my carry-all.
"Ah fuck man," Jane said. She walked over, hand out for a shake. "Well, it was nice working with you." I took her hand, shook it, and we both grinned.
"See ya, loser!" called Dean, from his rats-nest of CAT-5.
I love my team. We're a tight-knit little band in tech support, handling everything from help desk through installations and upgrades, and doing the occasional bit of scripting. We're the dogsbodies, the gophers, but we don't give a shit. We get to play with the big toys, we have a great time together, and the overtime bonuses are outrageous.
I didn't get much call to go up to 17, the sales exec floor. That was mostly Fred's gig, helping them out with Office software issues. As I rode the lift, I remembered back to when Fred gave me the tour of the building. He'd described the 17th as 'the ice palace', 'cos he always got such a cold reception from all the 'frigid bitches' up there. I reckon he's just got no game. Ask me, the floor was hot as hell. There wasn't an ugly woman there, and boy was it pussy central, every one at least a nine. It's like they had a specific hiring policy to only take on ex-models. I get it, sex appeal sells. There were a few guys, all three-piece thousand-dollar suits - queers, Dean insisted, so Jane countered that he should know; but I'd kind-of agreed. The men were very pretty, extremely well-dressed, and there was so much oestrogen in the air here that as a red-blooded male I certainly wouldn't have been able to concentrate.
I had to walk the length of the floor to get to Ms Beech's office. I tried to keep my eyes fixed firmly on the prize, but I ain't no saint. Everyone impeccably made up and professionally dressed, each one with an outfit designed and cut to emphasise their assets, just this side of inappropriate for an office setting. Tight wool jumpers clinging to improbable tits; skirts like clingwrap that surely they couldn't sit down in let alone bend over, trousers more like tights, scoop necks so deep they'd trip over them.
"Be careful up there," Dean had told me. "Those foxes will eat you alive." Sure, I worked out, and I was in pretty fine trim, but I knew these girls were way out of my league. How did they keep those figures, I wondered? Reckoned half the tits must be surgically enhanced, because you didn't get stacked like that without matching hips and ass. But to stay so thin... I liked food too much.
Jane kept it real. "No way man, I couldn't live without chocolate and pizza. You won't catch me on the skinny bitch diet. Chardonnay and semen, that's all they live off," she reckoned.
My head was getting dizzy from the perfume and hormone undertones. Truth was, I was a little worried. Earlier in the week I'd been catching a break in the cafeteria, daydreaming, when I heard a shrill voice call over to me. "You wanna picture?", it asked, and I realised I'd been staring at one of the hot junior sales execs as she was bending over to grab a diet soda from the fridge.
"Sorry, I..."
"Fuck you, asshole," she said, and strode out of the room. Maybe this was what Ms Beech wanted me for - to drag my ass over the coals for 'assaulting' one of her staff, or some such bullshit. Just smile and nod, I thought. Work probation will be over soon, just a few more weeks and then I'm safe. Safer, anyway.
Danielle Beech had the corner office, of course. Queen, because she was the boss in charge of all these worker bees out on the floor; and Bitch, because she had a reputation for not suffering fools and for insisting everything was done her way, right now. As I approached the office, one of the worker bees fled, dabbing a tissue under one eye. I heard the Queen shout after her "Fucks sake Tina, it's very simple. Bring it back, done right, in an hour." Great, I thought. She's already pissed.