[I wrote and posted this story to alt.sex.stories a little less than ten years ago, under the nom-de-plume DYS. I've changed the ending a bit since that version.]
*
Flattening your butt at a low-rent bar after work when you've got a good wife isn't the smartest thing to do, so I was doing it. This place, named with originality and creativity The Watering Hole, wasn't exactly the summit of sleaze but it wasn't one of those chrome-plated yuppie joints either, where movers and shakers had their power thises and thatses and decided what life should be like for the rest of us. From my perch in an ill-lit corner I was absorbing overpriced and watered-down booze while watching the cast assemble for that evening's late matinΓ©e.
All the characters were in their places: the 'tender struggling to keep up with customer demands and stay one step ahead of crushing boredom, and finding the latter by far the greater challenge; the businessmen looking down their drinks like microscopes, trying to dissolve the day's frustrations in a solvent known as ethanol; the bouncer, quietly and unobtrusively standing out like a lighthouse, and...
And the woman. There's always one, isn't there? You know her: the one who gets your attention and then won't give it back. The one who, without the slightest effort, takes center stage and makes it her own, with all the spotlights, in the form of male eyes, fastened on her like scales on fish.
This one was right out of central casting: the face that would launch a thousand ships even from dry-dock, the aloof and nonchalant air, the cigarette held just so, the body sculpted by Phidias under the direction of Rubens - the whole bit.
And the dress! Talk about packaging that sells! This one was a black number, a cocktail dress with a little lace trim around the collar that gave just a hint of a French-maid look and sequins on the bodice, in the middle. On either side of the sequins dwelt a pair of breasts that needed no enhancement but were getting it anyway from the clingy, conforming texture of the fabric which, even from my relatively distant vantage point, displayed the nipple of her nearer breast like a watch in a display-case.
Of the eyes locked upon her in that dim-lit dive four were positioned on either side of her, trying to get lucky and succeeding the way the Congress succeeds at balancing budgets. Not for lack of trying, to be sure; our heroine hadn't lacked for libation in a long time and her cigarettes were always lit before she even had time to ask. It's kinda sad to see a guy whose main emotion at a given time is frustration trying to make like it's supreme confidence oozing with power. I know; just like most every male who's hit puberty and experienced it hitting back, I've been there. More than once.
I knew that tonight I wouldn't--I couldn't--limit my study of this scenario to my usual armchair anthropology. Not with that particular creature within the range of my eyesight, and with even the remotest possibility of getting her in range of other things. Was it right? No. Now that that's been discussed, let's move on...
I knew that one of the wannabees would give up eventually, and I was patient enough to wait. Sure enough, in time I felt the slide of the vinyl as my rear took its place on the seat beside her and the rest of me followed along.
There was no reason whatsoever to think that anything I could say would accomplish any more than what my predecessor and his competition on her other side had said, so I tried anyway. "Like a little company?" Original.
"Why? You got one to sell? Or are you rich enough to give them away?"
Got a wit, I see, and with teeth. I tried to acknowledge that with a properly impressed and pleased facial expression. If the message got through, though, there was no sign of it on her beautful, impassive face. I could see a poorly suppressed glower on the face of the gentleman on her opposite side; perhaps I was already getting more action out of her than he had. The idea was reassuring. A little.
What did men do to hit on women before language was invented? Without clever opening lines to have to dream up, things must have been a lot simpler. The cartoon image of the caveman dragging the cave-lady to his cavern by her hair after clubbing her senseless came to mind. Yep; a lot simpler.
"I'm working on it. Have a bid in for General Motors."
"Oh, yeah. How much?"
"We're still negotiating. They want more than I'm offering."
"No kidding! I don't suppose that's ever happened before. How far apart are you?"
"12.8 gigabucks. But we're narrowing."
She snorted softly. "That's the entire stockholders' equity for GM. That means your offer was zero, big shot."
"Actually, more like about $150. I rounded off a bit. I wanted to keep my Visa under limit."
She had placed another cigarette between her sultry lips and I didn't miss the cue. A match was on its way instantly. I noticed that she never drew on the cigarette and got the distinct impression she was a nonsmoker trying to look the part of the stereotypical bar slut and the cigarette was a prop. This isn't a bar, I thought. It's a stage set.