Mary had a date lined up. It wasn't a hot date, more of a get better acquainted date to see where things were going. Seeing she was out of work well before him, Mary had agreed to drop by his flat rather than have him pick her up.
Mary came skipping up to the door, anticipating a friendly date, to be greeted by Ron. Not Travis, but Ron, his housemate.
Ron smiled and invited her in, explaining the problem.
"Travis has been held up at work. There was a last minute staff meeting and he's stuck and unhappy. He asked me to tell you that he'll be about another half hour and to please not go. He offers lots of apologies and says he'll be here as soon as he can.
So, are you going to come in and wait for the poor chap?"
Mary smiled. "I've come this far, so I might as well come in and wait. Thank you."
Ron escorted her to the front room, settling her on the couch.
"Can I get you a drink of anything? Alcoholic, tea or coffee?"
Mary shook her head. "No thanks. If it's all the same to you I'll just relax here and watch some TV."
Ron sighed. "It looks like we owe you another apology. The TV's bung. We've been meaning to get it fixed but it's not football season and we just haven't bothered."
"That's OK," said Mary, feeling just a little irritated. "I'll just sit quietly and wait."
Ron nodded, then looked thoughtful. "Just a suggestion," he said, "but instead of just sitting around feeling bored, why not come to my room and we can pass some time while bonking."
"What?"
"Come to my room and I'll have a long slow sex session with you. It'll be a pleasant way to pass the time."
Mary blinked. "Don't be silly. I can't go to your room and have sex while waiting for my boyfriend."
"Why not?"
"Why not! It's just not done."
"Oh, OK. I can take you here on the couch if you prefer that, but it's kind of lumpy."
"No. You're sex mad."
"Isn't everyone?" queried Ron. "Um. If you're worried that you'd feel guilty about it, I could always rape you."
Mary thought she was losing track of this conversation. He couldn't possibly be serious. "Why on earth would I want to be raped?" she demanded.
"No guilt feelings," said Ron triumphantly. "Rape means you're not responsible so you're not cheating."
Mary finally understood why a face palm was so appropriate at times.
"I'll pass on that as well, thank you." She said politely. "Anyway, if I say you can rape me, doesn't that mean that it's not rape?"
"A minor detail," murmured Ron, waving away such petty objections.
"Haven't you got a girlfriend to take care of your excess hormones?" Mary asked him.
"Of course," said Ron, sounding slightly offended. "I'm just trying to be friendly and a good host by ensuring that you pass the time in an interesting manner."
"Um," he continued, "I can't help but notice that your nipples are puckering. That's a sign that you're getting turned on. I bet you're wet as well."