I am so ashamed. To have been humiliated like this is just too much to bear. I sat on my bed and, between sobs and through a veil of tears, I looked at the shelves of Mills and Boon novels and cursed at them for betraying me. Their idealized romance culminating in a lifetime of true happiness turned out to be lies. Real life romance was nothing like the expectation that M & B had prepared for me, it was hurtful, humiliating and degrading. I will never be able to face the world again.
I should have realized that my whole life was preparing me for this, but I thought that at last I was being blessed with happiness. I am, as I have always been, a very shy person. At school I shunned the popular group because I just knew that they would tease me about my clothes and my unruly curly hair and my sensible glasses that gave me a nerdish look. I compensated by being good at my studies, getting the highest grades in all subjects. I never went to the movies and at the youth dances at church I was the perennial wallflower. Oh I danced occasionally when one of the boys could be persuaded, I suspected that money may have been used, to ask me to dance with him. His shoes would nearly leave skid marks on the dance floor in his haste to leave me once his duty was done.
My parents were of no use to me, my mother was shy and my father overbearing, which made her even shyer. If I took a problem to my father his response was either to 'get over it', or pray to God for guidance. I didn't know how to get over it and I came to the conclusion that, because my prayers were never answered, that God didn't care either. I was suffering a conflict of faith but had no-one to turn to for help.
My saving grace during my last two years of high school was my part-time job. I began working in the store owned by Mr Hudson, who was the church's treasurer. My father approached him, being the Pastor he had some influence, with the view to him giving me a job in the hope that it would help me get over my shyness. It didn't work, if anything it made it worse until I was moved from the shop floor into the office. I was to help Celia Hudson, the boss's wife, with the bookkeeping. It was easy work and in no time at all I was able to do all of the work, after all it was simple double entry bookkeeping. I also looked after making up the wages for the staff and doing the banking.
The more I did the better I got, and the better I got the more confident I got and by the time I finished high school and was looking for a job Mister Hudson offered me full time work. Part of the deal was that I would be given time off for studies, so I enrolled in part-time University degree course in Business Administration.
Celia stayed on as the Chief Finance Officer but she had little to do and much of her time was spent walking around the store making sure that everything was running smoothly. I enjoyed working in the office and Mr Hudson remarked that my self confidence was getting better. One day he came over to my desk and sat on the edge of it. "Ruth, I hope that you don't mind me saying this, but you are a very attractive young woman,"
I could feel the blush rising from my neck and quickly covering my face. "Please don't tease me like this, I know that I'm plain and frumpish, I can't help that."
"But you can, you have amazing bone structure and your hair could look so stylish with a little work. What I think we should do is to give you a make-over, I'll pay for it, and you'll be surprised at how good you look in something other than your nerd clothes."
He took me to the beauty salon in the store and introduced me to the chief beautician, Juanita. "Doesn't she have great bone structure?"
"She surely does, I've seen her in the store and I say to myself, 'Girl, why are you afraid to shine? Let the world see how gorgeous you really are.' By the time I'm finished with her Hollywood will come calling."
"I don't want anything like that, I'm shy and if I looked like that people will expect me to act like that and I can't do that."
"You might think that, and when you first started working in here and Mr. Hudson had asked me to do this I would have said no way, I may be good but I'm not that good. But let me tell you girl, I've seen how you've changed into a confident young woman, and the only thing that is keeping you from the stars is the way you dress, and as for the make-up, I can't find words to describe how bad it is."
"I'll leave her in your capable hands then." Mr Hudson walked off.
"Sit yourself down and let's get started. Now let me look at that hair, my there's a lot of it isn't there?" She grabbed a handful and lifted it up." It must take you hours to comb that in the mornings."
"Yes it does, but I don't know what to do with it, it has a mind of its own, no matter what I do with it, it ends up looking like this."
"Leave it to us, first thing we'll do with it is to give it a thorough shampoo and conditioning and then I'll get the scissors to it. You'll wonder why you've never had this done before."
One of the girls took over, and my hair was washed and conditioned, and then it was blow-dried and combed out. When that was finished, it seemed to take hours, it was straightened. I couldn't believe how long it really was once the curls were straightened, it was almost down to my waist. Juanita walked around me, looking closely at my face and neck before getting to work with her scissors. By the time she had finished there was a huge pile of brown hair at my feet. She held a mirror up so that I could see the result. I didn't recognise the image at first. I was staring at a totally different person.
"Now we are going to change you colour. First we will bleach it and then add highlights."
"I don't want to be a blonde."
