Big Surprise

The first thing you have to understand is that her face was irresistible.

She was pretty, so pretty, with beautiful eyes and a curious, suggestive half smile. It was still early and I was bleary-eyed, reaching for my coffee at the counter after they called my name while my face had been buried in my phone, and as I did, I saw her eyes, her smile from the other corner of the counter, and paused for just a second to look, just long enough for her to notice me looking, and smile back. Red-brown hair, sort of cinnamon, almost shoulder length and straight, brushed from that face by a pale hand with a warm glance, and in the second or two it took for me to realize she was looking at me too, I saw that her wrist was sort of thick, her arm large, and I quickly took in more of her appearance, realizing that this woman was more than just big. The word was fat. She was fat, excessively fat, obese, the kind of size that tends to draw attention in public. Immediately I flinched, looking away, hoping it wasn't obvious that I'd looked away in disgust, so I looked back at her, almost in apology, and saw that she noticed me looking again. I couldn't help but smile at her face looking at me, but I rapidly beat a retreat. I found a table and sat, trying to forget what was already feeling like an awkward encounter.

The second thing you have to understand is that she made the move. She approached me. I was sipping my coffee, reading something on my phone, when I heard her voice.

"Mind if I sit here?"

I looked up and was almost terrified to see that it was her, the young woman with the beautiful face and the serious weight problem, smiling expectantly. The cafe was filled with empty tables, I noticed, as I heard myself reply "not at all, have a seat!" and wondered why I sounded so eager. She pulled out the chair and sat, giving me a look, sipping a latte, and I felt myself grow queasy.

"So...do you live around here?"

"Ummm...no. No, I'm here for a work conference."

"A work conference, huh? I'm here for a conference too."

"Is that so? I'm Chris, by the way..."

"Chris...I'm Ashlyn."

"Very nice to meet you, Ashlyn."

She asked me where I was from, and I told her, and I asked her where she was from, and she told me, and what she did, and we talked about all the things two people first meeting each other tend to cover as I looked around at who else might be here, sort of embarrassed, hoping no one else from my committee was here, hoping I wouldn't be made fun of later for this encounter with this enormous woman. I felt dizzy.

Ashlyn's face was round, and yes, as I had first noticed, it was very pretty. Pale and very lightly freckled with little red flecks, with big lips and a cute nose, I couldn't deny her face was very nice to look at. Her eyes were big and round, a dark, rich brown, penetrating and beautiful. When Ashlyn laughed, her very white teeth appeared, small and square and surprisingly lovely. Even though there was absolutely no way anything was going to happen between us, obviously, I felt entranced by her lovely face.

The third thing you've got to understand is that her voice was magical. Like some kind of siren, I found myself eager to listen to anything she had to say, since the way she said it sounded so sweet, and pretty, and almost musical. And her face, it was expressive, her mouth showing every emotion, every reaction as we talked about music we liked, and movies and books, and yes, even politics and religion, and her every word sounded melodic, and lively, and sweet, just a little high pitched and mesmerizing.

She wore a black shirt, a tasteful top with a little barely noticeable texture pattern on the short sleeves, a slight v-neck in a soft fabric. It was tent-like, so surprisingly large. I could also see that she was wearing a dark pair of blue jeans with tennis shoes. I glanced down at her very thick thighs, then back at her sweet face.

The next thing you must understand is that I liked her. I genuinely liked her. Not, obviously, in a romantic way, but I liked talking to her, listening to her, being with her. Ashlyn was funny. She seemed very kind, and was obviously smart. I noticed, suddenly, that I was already late for my first meeting, and decided to just skip it. No one would miss me. I realized I'd much rather spend some more time right here, talking to this new friend, talking to Ashlyn.

Another thing you've got to understand is that she was young. I would have guessed she was in her twenties, while I was forty-two, and I wondered if this age gap was too much of an age gap, then wondered why I was thinking about it, since absolutely nothing was going to happen with the fat girl. You need to understand that it didn't matter that I was single, not having dated for a couple years, and you absolutely have to know that I wasn't into that, into fat women of any kind. I just wasn't. You really, really need to know that I wasn't looking.

"You know Lang has a gallery show right here in town right now? At Pasaga?"

"That's right around the corner."

"I'd love to go see it while I'm here."

"We should go right now. They'll be open soon."

"We should, Chris."

Something you've got to understand is that I never intended to ask her to do something with me until I heard the words come from my mouth, and wondered why I'd invited Ashlyn to this gallery show. I felt queasy again, wondering if I was leading this nice young woman on, giving her the wrong idea, making her think there might be something going on between us.

For awhile though, we continued to talk and laugh together. Occasionally I noticed people looking, glancing at Ashlyn and trying to look away without looking like they were trying, then looking at me. I felt my face grow hot, and felt genuinely embarrassed. I wanted to communicate somehow that nothing was going on here, this isn't a date, there's nothing like that to see here, then felt bad for feeling that way. This was weird. I started to genuinely feel sorry for Ashlyn, wondering how it must feel to be looked at like that, all the time. I felt guilty that I was still sort of embarrassed to be sitting with her.

"So you really want to see Lang? It's open. We could leave now."

"Of course I do, Ashlyn. Ready?"

"I'm so ready."

On the sidewalk, we made our way side by side, as people coming toward us locked eyes on Ashlyn's body, then looked up and away, obvious about it, before squeezing by. The girl at the front desk had the same look as she took Ashlyn's credit card, then mine.

The show was amazing. We enjoyed every sculpture, commenting to each other about our favorites, laughing, sometimes whispering. We spent almost two hours inside, and I realized I was savoring every glance at Ashlyn's beautiful face, enjoying being with her, enjoying this experience far more than I'd enjoy it with anyone who was only a friend. It occurred to me that I was sweating.

You've got to understand that I felt light headed, almost dizzy, as we left the gallery, and I knew something was going on inside me, something I was desperate to prevent. I did NOT want this, absolutely not, even as I feared some small part of me actually did. I almost struggled to breathe as we walked, and Ashlyn smiled warmly, and she looked even more beautiful than that first glance, and I felt flushed, felt hot, and bit my lips in desperate indecision, wanting to look only at Ashlyn's face and nowhere else.

Swallowing hard, I tried to speak, to say the words, then stopped. I think I croaked a little, and Ashlyn laughed. Her face was radiant.

"Hey, do you, uh, you wanna get some lunch?"

"Of course I do. I thought you'd never ask."

You need to understand that I couldn't take my eyes off her eyes, couldn't stop looking at her longingly, as we made our way from cafe to shop to nook, reading the menus posted outside, laughing at some of the appetizers, making fun of entree names, having a blast. You have to grasp that I was loving every second of Ashlyn's company, still clinging to the idea that nothing, nothing like that, could possibly be going on between us. Inside the little hipster diner we chose, it felt as if Ashlyn and I were the only two people there. I no longer noticed the stares.

Over lunch, she insisted I absolutely had to taste her food, because it was unique, and I insisted she taste mine, because it was delicious. I stared into Ashlyn's eyes. I focused on her hand, a little large but not excessivey so, pale and pretty, clean cut short nails with a clear lacquer, a silver bracelet around one thick wrist. I sighed, glancing at Ashlyn's stomach, forcing myself to look, forcing myself to focus on her extremely large belly, which didn't seem so repulsively large anymore, except that it was, but was that really so terrible? Maybe. Maybe, I thought, even as my sense of disgust was still there, still telling me no, not for you, get away, though that voice was becoming weaker and weaker. You have to understand that I could literally feel my resistance crumbling.

Please understand that I was the one who suggested the movie, I was the one who said I'd been wanting to see it, and it seemed like something she might like, and it would be so nice to see it together, even though she was the one who looked up the theater, to find an accessible one, and why the hell didn't I think about that? I was the one, though, who delighted in her smile at being asked to go, and I never wanted this day to end.

I sort of dreaded the end of the meal, nervous over what to say when the waiter would inevitably ask "one check or two?" When the time came, though, I didn't hesitate.

"One check, of course. I've got this."

You need to know that on our way to the downtown theater, walking slowly side by side, it was me who, without even thinking about it, placed my hand gently on Ashlyn's lower back, just placed it there on that black fabric over soft, fat flesh, I just did it, and melted at the sight of Ashlyn's face, turned toward mine, beaming as she flipped her beautiful reddish brown hair back from her divine face, my god, and I was in heaven, floating, having completely given in.

You need to get how I nearly lost my breath when her hand clasped gently around my arm, the so soft flesh of her palm, and I let out a deep breath, and Ashlyn laughed at me, laughed in the most loving way possible, and I pressed my hand more firmly into her soft back. We walked like this for a block, or maybe two, or maybe ten, or maybe a thousand, who could possibly know, before her grip let go and I removed my hand from Ashlyn's back and took her hand, sliding my fingers through hers, and we floated together down the busy street.

We were early, so after buying tickets at the box office, we ventured into the little bookstore across the street. Browsing, delighted to find our tastes in literature were compatible, we seemed to melt into each other. I leaned into Ashlyn, looking over her shoulder at the blurbs on the back of a novel. Glancing at the wall of new releases, she held my arm in two hands, leaning into me. I was aware of the stares, the looks Ashlyn lived with every day. They were focused on me now too. To any reasonable observer, we were a couple.

Inside the theater, holding hands, Ashlyn led me to the back row. We sat together in the large seat, the wide, sofa-like theater chair, discreetly placed in the back for oversized patrons. As the lights went down, we held hands.

I was drowning in emotions, excited beyond belief and somehow, still, weirded out, disgusted, nervous and half-terrified. Ashlyn was so wonderful. She was amazing, and I felt myself falling for her, falling and falling, wanting nothing else than to be with her. But her body, the sheer fact of its size and weight, it was a lot to get past.

My hand gripped Ashlyn's, fingers threaded through fingers, resting on her thigh. Our hands resting there, I started to comprehend the reality of her thigh, its width, its thickness. Huge was an understatement. I started to feel that catch in my throat once again. Oh god.

I let go of Ashlyn's hand and reached over her, putting my arm around her, behind her neck, as with my other hand I reached over my body, gripping her hand. Ashlyn leaned her sweet head toward mine. I tried to just relax, to get used to the feeling of Ashlyn's body, the so-muchness of it.

Ashlyn's belly, her gut, it was mostly sort of forward, out, in front of her, but she was also undeniably wide. In the dim lighting, I looked her over. So big, but in a sweet kind of way. What did that even mean? I didn't know, but I could sort of feel it intuitively. Sitting, Ashlyn's gut expanded outward, onto her lap and also to the side. I took a deep breath. She cuddled as close as was possible. Ashlyn smelled sweet. Whatever she was wearing, it was nice.

She shifted her weight, and the seat we were on let out a sort of loud, groaning pop. I closed my eyes, then opened them, forcing myself to reckon with the enormous reality of the young woman I'd somehow found myself with. Her gut, spilling out onto her lap, it looked mostly sort of round, but maybe a little uneven here and there. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but couldn't. Her legs, they were sort of gargantuan, but it was somehow perfectly OK. It was odd how I was getting used to it. I wondered, would I be getting so accustomed to it if it weren't for Ashlyn's beautiful face?

Oh my god, my mind was racing. Fat women sort of had a reputation for being large breasted. I couldn't tell if that was true for Ashlyn. Through her shirt, she didn't seem to have any cleary identifiable bust, just lots of fat. It was a fairly loose fitting shirt though, super extra large. I wondered what her breasts actually looked like, then wondered if I actually wanted to know.

You have to understand that I was scared to death. Something was happening, something undeniable between us, and I was terrified of where it was going to end up. Yes, Ashlyn was wonderful, but was this going to end up where most relationships end up? And what would that be like?

I was loving being with Ashlyn, I couldn't deny it, and I was getting used to her obesity. But would it be so easy to get used to her body if I was presented with all of it, stripped bare, an excess of fat naked flesh? I'd been repressing a disgust reaction all day long, and doing a fine job of it. But would this reaction come roaring back in the middle of the act?

And how would it even work? Ashlyn was large enough that I imagined sex would be sort of tricky, kind of a challenge, just the physical mechanics of it. It would definitely be different. Would I even know how? And if I did something that didn't quite work, would it ruin everything?

You have to understand that my biggest fear was sexual failure. It had happened a few times, when I just couldn't get an erection. I could never explain why, but on occasion, it just happened. And considering Ashlyn's fat body, a great unknown to me, I was terrified that I just wouldn't be able to get it up. It would be disastrous. It was always awkward and horrible when it happened. And if it happened, if I was presented with Ashlyn's naked self, if she trusted me to open up like that, and I couldn't respond sexually, what would it do to her?

How would Ashlyn feel if it happened? How would it affect her wonderful, sweet self? Would it shatter her amazing confidence? Oh god, I hated to think about the risks here.

Ashlyn shifted, held my hand tighter, and cuddled closer. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be with her like this, right now, whatever may come later.

After the movie ended, we wandered aimlessly for awhile. It was darkening, nearly dusk. Just as we'd been doing all day, we walked slowy. I wondered how quickly Ashlyn was even able to walk. Eventually we found ourselves on the waterfront, holding hands, reveling in each others' company.

"Chris, I just...I just want you to know I'm having a great time. I'm so glad I caught you checking me out at the coffee place."

"Checking you...um, yeah, you caught me."

"I just knew..."

"I'm having a great time too, Ashlyn. I'm so glad I met you. I'm so glad you came to sit with me."

Dinner was seafood, at a little place on the waterfront. We kept the conversation going through dinner, but mostly we just looked at each other, smiling, amazed to be together. After I paid the check, we wandered out along the waterfront, hand in hand.

I was ecstatic, so in love and so amazed, and so very excited, despite my inner terror. Ashlyn looked beautiful, alluring dark brown eyes and sexy lips and smooth, soft skin, and plump, so kissable cheeks, and I was falling even harder. We stopped to look over the rail, and I put my arm around Ashlyn, turned her gently toward me, put both arms around her, and looked into her face.

Ashlyn giggled, then smiled nervously. A breeze blew her cinnamon hair in front of her face before she pushed it away. Looking up at me, she was beaming, excited and eager. I held her, arms around her, reaching toward the center of her lower back, but I couldn't quite reach it. My hands wouldn't come together behind Ashlyn's back, so I just held her a little closer, then reached up to her cheek, cradling it in my palm, feeling its softness, as Ashlyn let out a little gasp of delight.

She felt so soft and so wonderful as I stared into her wide round eyes, deep brown and captivating, just drinking in Ashlyn's excited gaze, taking in, from this close, her tiny little red freckles, her cute nose, small for her face, a little upturned, her full lips, the bottom one wide and thick, the top one delightfully shaped and alluring, my god. I took a deep breath before doing what I'd been dying to do all day, even before I knew that this was what I wanted.

Slowly, gently, I pressed my lips against Ashlyn's. Ecstasy, absolute bliss. This felt wonderful, she felt wonderful, incredible, and despite all that had happened between us today I still couldn't believe I was kissing her, this wonderful woman. I was amazed at Ashlyn's lips; they were soft, and plump, and delicious, and perfect, and I just lost myself in the feeling of them, the feeling of kissing Ashlyn, oh my god. Ashlyn pressed her lips into mine, into me, sweetly, eagerly, and I suddenly lost my breath, felt sort of dizzy, then let my bottom lip part from hers for a second to take a deep, deep breath, then pressed it back against Ashlyn's lower lip, and that contact, once again, was heaven.

We kissed, my arms around Ashlyn, her hands on my chest, standing cuddled together in the waterfront breeze. Closing a kiss, opening my eyes, I looked deeply into Ashlyn's beautiful dark brown eyes, again losing my breath, then cradled her face in my hand as Ashlyn smiled, a little catch in her breath, the breeze blowing her brown red hair, the little tapered spiky ends of it blowing around her neck, and I just fell apart at the sight of her, up close, this close, my god.

"Oh Ashlyn...Oh baby..."

She smiled warmly, seductively, tilted her head, and again pressed her lips into mine. I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how amazing it was that this wonderful, beautiful young woman had just shown up in my life, amazed and delighted at everything about her, everything about Ashlyn, and we kissed a little harder, and a little harder, then softer, and as our lips parted Ashlyn's breath in my mouth was the most seductive kind of feeling I could ever remember.

"I think you really like this. Don't you?" Ashlyn gave me an adorable smile.

"You have no idea..."

Slow, soft, sweet kisses. I again put my arms around Ashlyn, my hands feeling the sides of her back, her sweet body, so soft, so very soft, pressing delightfully into me. I ran my hands up and down Ashlyn's back, and the feel of her soft plump skin through the soft black fabric was turning me on more than I would have imagined. I could feel the fold of skin not quite halfway up her back and started to skip quickly over it, but for some reason, decided to let my hands linger there, linger in this fold of flesh, and it felt surprisingly sweet, surprisingly wonderful.