Her hair is damp enough that even in this pale light it's two shades darker than mine.
It clings to her back, weighted down on her pale skin. She breathes heavily, but with a kind of composure. Even in this state of fatigue she keeps her wits about her. Never letting down her guard, not truly. She just trades the full mask for a smaller one and tells me it's the real her.
There's no point not giving. It's the only time you can have a woman, truly have a woman, is when she lets you see her. And that's all you'll see.
It's better not to dwell on things we'll never have.
My hand slides up and down the curvature on the small of your back, riding up and down. I stroke with one finger, two, three. I tickle a little until she gives out a small moan, my cue to resume stroking her. And I do.
I try and show her I adore her with the back of my knuckles as I drag them up and down her spine. With my fingertips, as they press into her shoulders. With the whole of my hands as they cup the sides of her neck, or glide along her thighs. Or swim through that matted, dark fur she calls hair.
She shifts, and turns her face to me. Curling up on her side, she places her elbow into the mattress and the side of her face into her hand. She has beautiful eyes, not that I can see them now. All I can see is the dim light reflecting off them. I stare into them wondering if she can see mine, or if we're just looking at one another. I can hear a smile. A little crack that her lips make, when she lifts them so high that they part.
She shifts, and makes her way to the base of my feet. And then, I'm just a man, with his feet planted on the bed, and his back against the headboard in her room. And I wouldn't rather be anyone else.
I can see her face more clearly now, or the outline of it. It's enough to fill in the blanks. Of course I don't have to be looking at her face to see it. Sometimes, I can't get rid of it. Sometimes I spend the whole day trying to chase it away, to focus on something else that matters more at the moment. But it always comes back. I think about her face and I smile and I hum to myself. And even now, trying to be so in control, I look at the soft edges of her features and I smile.
She taps my foot playfully with her free hand, drumming a little beat on it, then the other. I try to dodge her next swing with a pivot of my ankle but she's too quick. She taps it harder and laughs. We repeat the new game a few times before she stops. A somber mood descends and she swings her body to the edge of the bed.
"I'm really glad you came back." She says it with a tongue that I've come to recognize is difficult for her to muster.