"So Brenda," Jake said, standing very close to me. "Why don't we go someplace more private?"
I felt myself reacting. Jake was charismatic, handsome and an athlete. In short, all the things I'd learned to be careful of when dealing with guys, but that knowledge didn't stop me from being attracted to him. Jake's blond hair and blue eyes didn't help either.
"Go away," I snapped, refusing to close the book I was studying from. We were in the library and I had my first set of college exams this week. I needed to cram. I was in no mood for Jake, but that wouldn't stop him.
"We can study together," he offered.
"Jake," I sighed. "You don't study. You've never had to."
"True," he smiled. "But that doesn't mean I can't help you." Did I mention he had a devastating smile?
I knew full well what Jake was after and it would never happen, but I couldn't deny that part of me loved the attention. The problem was that I didn't have the time for our usual games. I really needed to study or my scholarship would disappear.
"Come back to my dorm room with me?" he asked sexily, leaning closer. He presence was a bit overwhelming. I stood, but it didn't help much. I was trapped between the table and Jake. He was tall and broad.
You would expect that with someone as big as Jake standing so close and me being trapped that I'd feel threatened, but that was only a small part of what I was feeling. My body was reacting in ways I refused to consider. It would be easy to fall for his charms. I knew a lot of girls who had.
"Jake, you're in my personal space," I said, trying to slow my beating heart.
"Yes, I know," he said. If possible his smile became even sexier as his lips started to move toward mine. For a moment I found myself wondering what a kiss from Jake would be like. My body tingled in sudden need.
I shook my head and used both hands to push Jake back. He was all muscle and I wouldn't have been able to move him if he resisted, but he didn't, at least not fully. He took a single step back, but even that little bit helped and I sighed in relief. Jake tried to steal a kiss as soon as my body relaxed. I was able to turn my head just in time. His warm lips fell on my cheek instead of my lips. This time I pushed him harder. Jake finally backed away.
"You try that again and I'll slap you!" I cried.
"It would be worth it," he shrugged.
I looked at him in annoyance and shook my head. I was getting angry and a part of me wanted to let him know exactly what I thought of him, but I had too much studying to do.
"You are amazing," I sighed, and then knowing him added, "And I don't mean that as a complement."
"You know you want me," he said, not joking in the least. "I can feel your body responding. Hell, I can see it!" I watched as he grinned and glanced down at my breasts. I blushed, this time feeling the control on my anger slip. What is it with guys and being crude?
"Not if you were the last man on Earth!" I snapped. Maybe I couldn't control my body's reaction to Jake, but I could make it clear that it didn't matter.
"Can't you come up with something more original?" he sighed. "I'm awfully tired of hearing you say that."
"If you don't want to hear it, why not stop hitting on me?" I offered. I could tell from his expression that my words were pointless. "Jake, go away! You and I will never happen."
"We've got four years to find out," he shrugged, clearly not giving up.
"Oh what fun," I sighed loudly. Jake laughed and finally moved away.
"Men!" a tall blond girl sitting at the next table said. She was smiling in an understanding way. I didn't know her and I wasn't the type to make new friends easily, but right at that moment it didn't matter. I needed to vent and she seemed willing to listen.
"Jake is a jerk," I said. "He and I went to high school together. He dated Donna, one of my best friends. Donna swore she loved him, but it seemed obvious that Jake didn't feel the same way. He led her on and cheated on her constantly. I tried to tell Donna, but she wouldn't listen. It ended between them as badly as you might expect, at least for Donna."
"That's sad," she replied, and then added, "By the way, I'm Tina."
"Brenda," I smiled tentatively.
"I know," the blond said. "You're in my chemistry lecture."
"Really?" I asked. "I'm surprised you recognize me. There has to be over a hundred people in that lecture."
"You're noticeable," she shrugged, smiling once again. I blushed.
It wasn't my fault that I was built like I was, and to be fair, I liked it most times. The attention could be fun. The problem was that it also attracted guys like Jake who refused to give up even when I became rude about it.
My looks also had a tendency to cost me girl friends too because their boyfriends invariably hit on me. Was that my fault? I didn't ask for their boyfriends' attention.
"There's not a lot I can do about it," I sighed in response to Tina's comment. "I blame my looks on my parents."
Let me set things straight right up front. I'm not one of the truly beautiful people. I know that. I'm worse. I'm what guys liked to call 'hot'. Oh, I know it's egotistical for me to think that, but they tell it to me often enough that it must be true.
I have deep brown eyes that guys say are sexy. To me they look like every other brown-eyed girls' eyes. I also have lips that I feel are a little too thick. I don't want to discuss what some guys have said about them!
My brown hair is long because I like it that way, but I typically wear it in a ponytail to try and dissuade attention. It doesn't work. Nothing works. You see in the end, their attraction all comes down to one thing. It's not my hair or my lips or my eyes. Sometimes I wish it were. For some reason it seems to me that an attraction to one of them would be more meaningful. I'm not really sure why.
Of course, guys being guys, the thing that attracts them to me is exactly what you expect. In short, I'm very well endowed and there was no way to really hide it. I tried the bulky sweatshirts, but they made me feel fat. Besides, guys still noticed anyway. I tried a lot of things, but none of them worked. I gave up trying to hide my breasts a long time ago. It was impossible.
I also had what I felt was a big butt and had worked out religiously to try and shrink it down. All I ended up doing was making it firmer and a bit rounder, which of course set me up to receive some more crude comments. Like Tina said earlier, men!
"I was talking about the questions you tend to ask at the end of the lecture," Tina said. "They're very helpful."
"Oh," I said, blushing worse than before. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be embarrassed," the blond said. "I can't say I wouldn't have noticed you anyway because of your looks. I just probably wouldn't have known your name."
She was being kind. I appreciated it. I smiled and looked at her closely for the first time. I shook my head. How had I missed it at first? I might not be one of the beautiful people, but Tina definitely was. I guess her friendly smile and my anger at Jake blinded me to the fact at first.
"I'm surprised I didn't notice you," I said without thought. "You're beautiful."
"Thanks," Tina smiled. I sighed to myself.
Why couldn't I take complements as well as she did? Of course, the ones I received tended to be a bit cruder most times, but not always. Some guys called me beautiful, only I knew what they were really saying.
"You want to talk about it?" Tina asked. My mind was racing and I guess it was obvious.
"No thanks," I answered. "The pressure of exams is getting to me and I'm feeling bad for myself. My mind is focusing on the silliest stuff. Let's just change the subject."
"Sure," Tina said. "Do you still need to study for chemistry?"
"Yes," I replied. "Right after I'm done with calculus." There must have been something in my tone.
"You having problems with it?" the blond asked.
