The place next door had been sold and the new owners moved in while I was away. Being nosy I kept an eye on the place, trying to spot them. One of these days I suppose I'd nip in and introduce myself.
They were a family of four I determined pretty quickly. Twin children in their early teens, a boy and a girl, both brunettes and looking very much like their mother. The father, when I eventually saw him, turned out to be a big blonde hunk. Man, a girl could get hot just looking at him.
What with one thing and another I didn't get a chance to wander over and say hullo. It's not as though there was any hurry. After all, they'd only just moved in and would probably be there for years. I decided that I'd go over on the weekend.
So the weekend rolled around and I finally decided to go and introduce myself. I'd just stepped out of my front door and I saw them backing out of their drive. He was driving, with his wife next to him, and the twins in the back. They were all sporting football colours so it was easy to guess where they were going. They wouldn't be back for hours. I turned and stepped back inside, deciding I'd try again the next day.
Now the reason for what happened subsequently was quite simple. I was bored. I was lounging around in my bedroom, keeping out of the parent's way in case they found chores for me to do. Looking across at the neighbour's house it occurred to me that we still had the key to it. Old Mrs Smithers asked us to keep a copy in case she got locked out. It was in the junk drawer in the kitchen. Not only did I have a key but the family was away and wouldn't be back for ages. I could easily go over and have a quick snoop around.
Totally the wrong thing to do but I was going to do it anyway. I grabbed the key, told my mother I was going out for a while, and departed on my snoopy way. I could pretend I was a detective checking out a suspect's house.
I breezed into the house. No worries. They really should have changed the locks. Still, not my problem. I started snooping around, looking over their stuff. They had some quite nice furniture and a few good ornaments, including a very fine Dresden china lady. I fell in love with that lovely lady as soon as I saw her. I picked her up and looked her over, then very carefully put her back where she belonged. God forbid that I drop and break her.
"What? She's not good enough for you to pinch?" came a deep voice from behind me. "Genuine Dresden china, limited edition. You'd get a pretty penny for that, you know."
I didn't hesitate. I bolted for the front door.
All I can say is damn all highly polished floors and damn all throw rugs that are thrown on them. My foot landed on the rug at just the wrong angle and it shot out from under me, landing me flat on my back and gasping for air.
The big blonde hunk of a father strolled over, picked me up, and put me on the couch.
"Nasty jolt there," he said affably. "Take a few big breaths and you'll be right."
I managed to catch my breath and glared up at him.
"Who puts slippery rugs on the floor?" I protested. "They're a health hazard. A person could get killed by those things."
"Not if they're walking sensibly and not bolting around like a startled rabbit," came the equable reply.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I demanded. "You're at the football."
The great oaf looked down at himself, patted his chest and shook his head.
"Ah, no, I don't think I am," he said. "I appear to be standing right here."
"But I saw you drive off," I told him.
"No. You saw my brother and his family drive off. Did you notice the twins? Yes? Twins run in the family. My brother and I are also twins. Very hard to tell us apart, especially for the casual burglar. I've just been visiting for a few days, helping my brother do some repairs."
"Oh. And I'm not a burglar. I'm a neighbour. I'm Janet from next door."
"Uh-huh. Well, we'll let the police decide if Janet from next door is a burglar. After all, you do appear to have known that my brother and his family were out when you came snooping in."
I was horrified. The police? That was definitely a no-no.
"You can't call the police," I protested frantically. "They'll tell my parents. My dad will kill me. My mother will ground me until I'm fifty. I told you who I am. There's no need for the police. I'm sorry for snooping around."
"No. You're sorry that you got caught. Underage, I take it, if the police have to notify your parents. Better to get caught now than when you're older."
"I am not underage," I said indignantly. "I'm eighteen, nearly nineteen. The police will tell my dad because he is a policeman. They'll think it hilarious."
"And your dad won't be quite so amused I take it. Could be interesting. How likely is it that he'll be the one to answer the call?"
Oh ye gods and little fishes. What if he did? I'd be dead. Oh, god! When they hear the address they might just ring him and ask him to come over and save them a call-out.
"You can't call the police," I told him. "Dad would never live it down. I'd be in so much trouble. Dad will lock me in my bedroom for months and only feed me what could be slipped under the door. Come on. Be reasonable."
"I see. I suppose I could just take you over to see your parents and listen to you explain to them why you got caught in someone else's house when you thought they were away."
I stared at him in shock. Sadistic swine. That would be just as bad as calling the police, with me finishing up grounded until I was eighty.
"You can't do that," I said in a whisper. "I mean, you just can't."
"I think you'll find I could," he said with this little smile on his face. How the hell could he find this situation amusing?
"Can't we resolve this some other way?" I pleaded.
"Well, I don't know," he said, and I'll swear he was laughing at me. "How do you normally resolve it when you get caught burglarizing a place?"
I must have spluttered for nearly a minute trying to tell him that I'd never done anything like this before and that I didn't appreciate his sense of humour, all without offending him.
"So in essence what you're saying is that I shouldn't call the police, I shouldn't tell your parents, and I should let you go scot free after pulling a stupid, illegal, and potentially dangerous stunt, because you don't want to get into any trouble? Is that right?"
Put that way I have to admit it didn't really seem reasonable.
"Well, can't you come up with some sort of penalty?" I asked. "Give me chores to do or something? What would you do if it was your child in this situation?"
"My child wouldn't be in this sort of situation," the swine said, sanctimony oozing out of him. "Still, I get your point. How would I handle the twins if they were caught in mischief? Probably tell my brother and let him sort it out."