But Who Was It

"Buzzz", I felt the notification from my phone as I pulled it from my pocket. I was taking a quick break to check it after what had been a very long day. Unlocking my phone the preview of my husband's text was on the notification screen, I felt a little thrill as I swiped to open it and read it in full,

SWEETHEART: "Hey baby, I really miss you, off at midnight right? Drive safe... I worry about you on the road this late :) XXX"

I felt a warm glow, so simple yet I love that he made me feel this way. I also read a previous text from him, he had fed the kids and put them to bed after reading them a chapter from the Chronicles of Narnia and a question, he wanted to confirm Wyatt's dental appointment the next day. The warm glow continued.

"Must be good news?"

My coworker, Zach, was smiling at me, I hadn't heard him walk up.

"That's a big smile on your face or did someone text you something naughty!?" Zach laughed at his joke.

"No, no, just my husband being sweet," I replied.

"Nice." Zach moved in closer to me, "You want to go out with me once you get off? I'm taking my lunch at 12, my treat, tacos?"

"No thank you, I want to get home, I'm beat." I declined... again.

It was hard. I didn't like to say 'no' to people and this was like the third or fourth time Zach had asked me out. Asked me out? No, it's not like that, I told myself, Zach knows I'm married, and like 20 years older than him, he is just being nice. But he's HOT! My crazy brain kicked in. Yeah, he was definitely "my type" - if it was 20 years ago!

Well, one of these nights you're going to say yes to me, I know it." Zach reached out and ran his hand down my arm. He was still smiling at me, his piercing dark eyes danced as he leaned in, close. I could smell him. It was good. Hard-working man smell, you know? Not BO but masculine, mixed with aftershave? Body spray? something faint... but all man!

Zach turned and walked down the hallway, and I realized I was holding my breath, holding in the scent of him. I watched Zack walk away. Yep, 20 years ago I would've been excited if he had asked me out, very excited....

"Shit." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the building desire.

I replied to my husband with Wyatt's appointment time and then a ❤️💋 before putting my phone back in my locker.

"One more hour, I can do this," I said to myself. I was tired and ready to go home.

I thought back over the day that had started at 6:00, I still had some charting to do, and I tried mentally rolling through the day just so I was ready for it.

I spent the next half hour taking a last look in on my patients before going back to the nurse's station to start my charting. Aldi, one of the new CNAs was already there doing her charting. Aldi was from Kenya, and I had trained her about six months ago. She was good at her job but struggled with the computer, so I felt a small pang of disappointment, I knew it was going to take me a little more time to finish tonight, so I glanced at the clock. Just then Zack popped his head up over the counter of the nurse's station right in front of me, "Boo! Gotcha!" and he laughed as I gave a little scream!

I don't like to be startled, I always scream. I just can't help it. Evidently, Zack finds it as amusing as my husband and kids who learned it from him. Even Aldi was laughing. My face turned red, felt prickly hot and my heart was pounding fast, I was so embarrassed.

"Well, this is the most beautiful nursing station in the entire hospital." Zack quipped. He quickly turned and went on his way, clearly very pleased with himself.

"Is it true, with em?" Aldi asked behind me.

Hmmm.

I thought about the rumor. I like spreading rumors less than telling people "No", so I was struggling with what to tell Aldi.

"What have you heard?" I asked, buying time. Hopefully, she would give me an out.

"That he caught... em with the charge nurse?"

Shit.

"I don't know Aldi but the both still working here, and I think he would've been fired if that was true, so...."

I did know Zack was an incredible flirt. I had heard other rumors about him from some of the staff. As girls talk, the whispers of "He is really good...." and lots of "Damn he's cute, is he single?". He had the reputation enough for the story to be true.

"He very good looking... funny to." Aldi said behind me

She was right. I had to admit it, reputation or not, Zack was very good-looking, he was also a good worker, helpful, compassionate, he was smart, and he was funny, goofy... and he smells really, really nice....

Shit! Stop it, Jennifer!

My heartbeat began slowing, I got back to charting.

I had worked a half shift over my regular 12, Covid and Flu season, so there wasn't really any pass over, but Aldi asked me to help her several times. At 5 minutes before midnight Zack came back up and leaned over the counter right in my face. My heartbeat sped up.

"Well, I'm going to lunch. Have you changed your mind about tacos I know you love tacos!"

He knows...? Wait! How does he know?

"Everybody loves tacos!" Zach laughed, actually amused, genuine.

Right. Yeah.

"No Zack I'm really tired. I probably have another few minutes of charting but..."

What was I doing!? I was speaking, I was saying...

"...ask me again sometime?"

Zack winked, his bright smile beamed at me "No prob-lame-o!" before he whirled then he headed towards the elevator.

Shit.

I caught Aldi's eye, she was smiling at me too. Why the hell is everyone so happy this late at night? I felt my face redden.

A quarter after 12 I clocked out, went to my locker and quickly got all my stuff. Checking my phone there was another couple texts from my husband,

SWEETHEART: "Hey most wonderful and beautiful, text me when you are headed to your car. I just wanna know when to expect you home."

SWEETHEART: "Do you think you'll have the energy to wake me up tonight? I'd really like that... in fact, maybe I'll get in the car right now and drive down to meet you in the parking garage and we can make out there???"

It was a running joke with him, that he would meet me at my car, I fully expected him to one night, that's just who he is. The warm glow returned despite my exhaustion.

Thoughts of crawling in our bed, cuddling up beside his warm body got a spark of excitement shooting through me.

Maybe I will wake him up tonight? He is usually in bed by 9:00, it's been a while... making out sounds like fun crazy-brain chimed in.

I texted as I walked, "Heading to the car now" SEND

and made my way to the elevator.

"Good night Jennifer", Aldi waved from one of the rooms as I passed.

"Good night"

It was a warm night as I crossed from the hospital to the parking garage. There'd been rain in the afternoon and humidity was also really high. I could feel sweat rolling down my neck between my breasts when I got in the elevator. I don't like to sweat either. When I got to the floor I thought my car was on, I pulled out my keys and started pushing the "unlock" button listening for my car to respond with its chirp. My husband hates that I do this. "It's dangerous to unlock your car before you're there", he says. But, to be honest, I don't always remember where I park my car. I often must follow the chirp and the flash of the headlights. Of course, I would never admit that to him.

It turned out tonight I was half right, I was on the right floor I just went the wrong direction from the elevator. My anxiety had started to climb as I pushed my fob 10 or 15 times before I thankfully heard the chirp and saw the flashing of my headlights about six cars away.

"Now I remember."

I had parked almost all the way at the end and behind one of the big supports that always make me worry I was going to scratch my bumper pulling in because it juts out into one the other stalls. Finally at my driver's side door I set my backpack down and pushed the unlock button one more time.

"Ha. I did it just like you said to, and see? I'm safe..." I said in my mind

The chirp of my horn, the flash of the headlights and I heard the click of the doors trying to unlock again... and then it happened so fast.

Hands lifted me by my arms and pushed me into the dark, behind the column and against the wall of the parking garage.

I screamed.

Of course I screamed, I was startled!

"SHHHHH...shhh...shhh BE QUITE!" A voice hissed close in my ear, low and menacing, "SHHHHHHHHHHH... I'm not going to hurt you, but you need to be quiet!"

I could still hear the echo of my scream reverberating through the garage, I was so embarrassed for screaming again, "Of course, I'll be quiet..." I said in my head.

Wait.

What's happening!?

A big body was behind me, pressing me against the garage wall. A body bigger and stronger than mine.

"Shhhhhhh... I'm going to let you go," said the voice, now a whisper.

"Oh... OK, no problem then." Said my crazy brain. My body was paralyzed anyway

"Don't turn around" the whisperer hissed.

I couldn't believe it. I was so confused. This is not happening, of course not. I was safe; I unlocked my car when I got there. This isn't real....

The body behind me took a step back but a warm hand closed around the back of my neck holding me against the rough wall.

What do I do? Who is this? Why is this happening to me? I don't understand....

"Everything will be fine, don't move and don't make a sound" came another whisper.

"Right," my brain said, "do that. That's what you do. You don't say no; you obey. That's the right thing to do." Did that make sense? My mind and body warred.

Somewhere else deep inside me a voice was screaming "No! Think! THINK!!"

I was shaking, my heart was pounding in my chest, I felt lightheaded, I felt like I needed to pee!

Shit.

This doesn't make sense... wait, do I know the voice? Who is it behind me? Did my husband actually sneak down to meet me at the car? A blip of clarity,...YES! That makes sense! I can believe that! OK,... breath... be calm.

There was a rustling behind me, the hand left my neck for a second and a soft, dark cloth was pulled over my eyes... then tied tight behind my head. I whimpered, it just slipped out.

"SHHH!" the whisperer hissed.

I was blind.

I couldn't move.

I was going to throw up.

I REALLY needed to pee!

Fear. I was afraid. That is why I couldn't move.

A hiss, raspy but clear, by my right ear, "Don't... move. Be... still. I'm not going to hurt you."

Yes. Obey. Submit.

I heard something... like scissors cutting... I was blind, the sound... close. Warm hands found each wrist and put my hands on the cool, concrete wall in front of me. I could smell dirt, oil, paint, and a million other things as my remaining senses fought for supremacy. My body felt numb.

Paralyzed.

My chin began to quiver...

RIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPP!

"No!" I whimpered and instinctively contracted as strong hands tore my scrub top in half from the back.

"Shhhhhhh!" hissed the whisperer.

Something cold and sharp pressed into the back of my neck, forcing touch back on top of my sensory hierarchy. My breath caught, choked off in my throat.

SNIP

The collar of my scrubs was cut and the now tattered halves of cloth slid down each arm, gathering at my elbows.

What!? Why!? Why would my husband rip my scrubs!?

I felt fingers in my waistband and my scrub bottoms and underwear were yanked down.

I tried to collapse against the wall, but it was cold, rough, unpleasant... I smelled urine, I had to push myself back... when I did it pressed into the body behind me.

Strong hands again held my wrists...

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh... shhhhhh.... Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's over, you are OK, I'm not going to hurt you..." raspy voice, hot breath on my ear.

Soothing. Comforting.

I was held in place, enveloped by his arms. Blind. In the dark. Naked.

Lips touched my neck, behind my ear.

My whole body shuddered. My anxiety released into... some other form in an instant.

He knew it too. He knew I liked that. He knew me... right?

He pressed his lips against my skin again... and again. Up my jaw, down my bare shoulder. It was warm, I was still trembling, shivering.

He returned my hands to the wall before he released my wrists, his hands caressed my arms, up to my shoulders, down my back, over my hips... squeezing my waist. Tenderly.

Familiar.

It was HIM! Relief flooded my body, it... it must be? Yes? I was still shivering uncontrollably.

Fingers traced my back, my skin rippled with goosebumps, his fingertips moved to the clasps of my bra... unsnapping it, sliding it down my arms, my hands were lifted from the wall... my torn scrubs and bra fell from my body.

I knew it was wrong to be naked in a parking garage, but my husband had done this... it was... his plan?

What if someone comes by though? They would see me naked!! I felt myself, scrunching down, pressing into the shadows, until the rough concrete scraped my nipples...OH!

Two strong hands pulled me backward, "Don't.... Move."

I whimpered quietly, I wanted to hide, to run... no, not that... not naked. I want to go home. I wanted to get in my car and drive away. I want to crawl into my bed naked, and cuddle up with my husband... but...?

Images played through my mind of me driving home naked. Courtesy of Crazy-Brain, I saw myself walking naked from my car to the front door, naked through the house, to the bedroom, sliding between the sheets... so naughty.

A hand enveloped my right breast.

Oh god!

He just held it. For how long? How long had it been since I was pushed into the shadows? A minute? Two?

There was a distant echo in my mind, THINK, but I didn't have enough rational points that I could connect for a foundation to build on. Only two things were real, my shame at being naked and the hand touching me....

The hand on my breast began to squeeze gently, kneading, the palm rubbing circles around my hard, aching nipple. Heat radiated out from the gentle touching of my bare skin melting away the shame.

My husband knows my nipples are sensitive... how much I like it when he plays with them, sucks them....

As if he could read my mind, fingers closed around my nipple and pulled it, stretching it out, I couldn't see it, but I knew the feeling.

I moaned.

The whisper came again, "You... like... that."

I moaned again as the fingers pulled, twisted, and pulled again at just the right pressure.

"Say... yes" hissed the whisperer.

Oh god!

"Yes" my voice... I heard it but it didn't make sense, why would I say that!?

Because you fucking love it, screamed my crazy brain, drowning out the fractured rational part of me.

"Do you want me to touch the other one? Tell me." It was still a raspy whisper but somewhere in my brain I yearned to recognize the voice, it must be my husband, everything in me said he was the only one who could play with my nipples. I can't want someone else to do this - and I wanted it so bad! Please say YES, crazy brain begged.

"Yes".

The other hand left my hip, enveloped my left breast, and then mirrored the motions of the first. I felt an odd sense of balance as the hands moved now in concert. There was a vague sense that before something wasn't right, but now... that was it.

The lips returned to kissing my neck, licking my earlobe, and my shoulders as his hands imitated each other in perfect harmony.

God, he was good at touching me!

Strong, firm hands, his lips causing prickly heat to zing up and down my spine, as his lips traced my jaw I smelled him, he smelled so nice... I was so glad I said yes!

...one of these nights you're going to say yes to me....

No!

NoNoNoNo!

I gasped and instinctively pressed my legs together.

Whoever it was behind me mistook my shock for something else, he pulled both my nipples taunt, holding them stretched out like that, applying slightly more pressure than he had been before.

Mistaken or not, the timing and his technique achieved the intended result. Underneath the blindfold, I saw fireballs explode behind my eyes.

"Uhhhhhhhh!"

I had been bottling up everything: the fear, the shame, and embarrassment, the incredible feeling of his touch, incredulity at being naked outside and under the manipulative hands of my husband... or? No... this... stranger.

That last possibility uncorked my arousal, and I shuddered. I was teetering right on the edge and the man behind me held me there.

I was holding my breath... waiting for...? What? More?

I needed to breathe... my face felt hot.

Yes.

His fingers released me.

The release was even more exquisite than the pulling.

I blew out the spent breath and was panting, trying to rapidly replace the oxygen my body had been starved of.

His hands returned to my body, pressing inward from my hips to my 40-something-mom-belly.

Oh god! Not there! Don't touch me there, I am too embarrassed....

"BEAUTIFUL" he growled close to my ear, his body now pressing fully against mine.

Oh god.

I was still panting from holding my breath, could I run? It was only a feeble thought, that I should try and get away. His arms encircled me, rubbing my belly,... my "pooch"... I hadn't run in years.

"You can't run, your pants are still around your ankles silly! You'll fall and be laying on the ground naked" crazy-brain chimed in.

Good old crazy brain.

The hands traveled all over, exploring, my shoulders, arms, back... then lower, down my thighs. His upper body pressed me towards the wall. Always, his hands were synchronized, touching me equally only opposite. Those strong hands pushed between my thighs and pulled them apart.

His hands came back together, touching his thumb and forefingers together around my pubic hair.

Oh god, when was the last time I shaved?!

He began to apply pressure around... down there.

"Say the word" he whispered behind me.

I thought I caught something then, something familiar. It sounded like my husband's voice. It could be my husband's voice. I wanted it to be my husband's voice, was that all it was?

He increased the pressure. The flat of his hands were on either side of my pubic bone not touching me directly, but tantalizingly close.

Oh God.

I didn't know what to do. I had already said yes once, or was it twice? Had I already given consent? I couldn't escape. If I tried to take a step, I'd fall on my face. I couldn't see where I was going anyway. And I was naked, where could I go?

Pressure.

What if I screamed again would someone hear? Would people come? What would I say? How could I explain what happened, that I thought it was my husband? I still thought it was my husband! How would I explain it to my phantom rescuers when I pulled off the blindfold and saw it was him? Would I get fired?

Pressure, glowing, warm pressure.

Want.

Need.

I knew the word he wanted to hear.

I didn't want to say no....

I'm a good girl! I don't do things like this! I don't have sex in public, I love my husband, this isn't me! This isn't really happening. It's just a fantasy. It's not me, NOT me, not my husband. And so far, all of this had been... perfect.

As I resigned myself to the fact that there was nothing I could do, that this stranger had absolute control, there was a growing realization that all the things he had done to my body were perfect.

Fantastic.

But what if it wasn't me, the good girl, the devoted wife? Could it just be a fantasy, like a story? You have no choice, go with it Crazy-Brain whispered. I don't want it to be me, I want to believe it is someone else, someone who does those things, takes risks, is... wild. Wild. Like I used to be... before. I used to do things.

Sexy things.

Dangerous things. Like when I was a teenager, when my body ached to be touched.

Ache.

Pressure.

Surrender.

"Yes"

He began to touch me lightly, moving his fingers back and forth on, but never in. God, it felt great.