"Ellie. I'm so sorry. I hated to see that look on your face... and to think that I put it there. I feel awful."
Gavin's apology sounded genuine enough. He certainly did seem sorry. Ellie could understand why. It must have been quite a pitiful sight... her crumbling and drowning there in a sea of humiliation right before his eyes.
So, he's not a total monster then. He's capable of pity. And guilt. The thing is that pity and guilt wasn't what she wanted from him. She'd wanted him so badly that she hadn't realized that he'd been trying to brush her off. And that from his perspective he had to eventually relent and bed her. And now he regretted it. And boy, oh boy, did she regret it.
Ellie did know that there was an alternative scenario to consider. That he had genuinely wanted her and his ego was hurt by her being the one to sneak out. He was used to charming his way back out of his lovers' beds - and when she'd beaten him to the punch, he had wanted to make sure he'd had the last word. It didn't make perfect sense - as he was now apologizing - but he'd jammed the humiliation switch in her brain to the on position with his harsh words, and with Ellie's history she couldn't help but feel he had rejected her.
It briefly occurred to her that he might have feelings for her and that she'd hurt more than his ego by sneaking out in the morning without saying goodbye. But she quickly brushed the thought aside. Silly girl. You've already been emotionally smashed to pieces by this guy you hardly know... surely you're not going to put yourself out there again to give him another go at you? On the very same day, no less?
OK Ellie. Try to extract yourself from this interaction with some dignity, will you?
"Look Gavin. Thanks for the apology but I really didn't appreciate the way you spoke to me and I don't want to see you again, alright?"
Gavin was silent on the other end of the phone. Ellie imagined him chuckling silently to himself at her expense. He never said he wanted to see you again, did he? She hung up.
He was heartbroken. She didn't know. At least she didn't know until she started getting the pleading voicemail messages. He wanted to explain. He begged for forgiveness. He just wanted to talk to her face to face so she could see that he meant it.
Well - too bad, buster. If he did care for her and was still willing to say the cruelest thing he could think of, then he wasn't the man for her. Ellie had been there, and done that, and couldn't possibly enter into that kind of relationship ever again. That damaged part of her that she thought had been healed had actually just been forgotten. That was until he brought it all crashing back into her consciousness with one malicious sentence.
The next day at work she had tried to explain to Claudia, who seemed determined not to understand what the problem was.
"So you had a great night - including amazing sex - with a lovely, sweet, handsome man that you've wanted ever since you met? Then he found you sneaking out without saying goodbye. He was upset and let you know that. Then you left and he rang to apologize to you and you hung up on him?"
"Yes Claudia, we've been through this a number of times. Technically that's what happened, but you don't understand."
"Technically? Damn straight I don't understand. Call him Ellie and tell him you're sorry. Work it out. I've never seen you so happy as you have been since you met Gavin."
